<p>But at least I'd have the peace in my heart to know that they're not turning in their graves at the thought that I married someone they disapproved of.</p>
<p>Besides, it's not like I can't find someone my own race to be happy with.</p>
<p>My parents would hate me if I got a divorce, so if I had to get one I'd wait until they died. But we don't have issues with race so that's not a problem.</p>
<p>Yeah...I don't think my parents would be too happy if I got a divorce either.</p>
<p>I don't even know why I started this thread. -_-; I doubt I'll get married for another 10 years anyway.</p>
<p>me.duh,</p>
<p>Something tells me that your parents would quickly find peace if you found someone great.</p>
<p>And limiting yourself to "your own race" (that includes other types of Asians, y'know), means that if you stumble upon the most wonderful woman you've ever met and she's not of _______ ethnicity, you have to pass on her. I don't believe in "soulmates," but I do believe that it's hard to find someone to love.</p>
<p>;) I'm a girl. As far as I know, I'm not a lesbian. But you know, things could change. Boy would my parents be ****ed then...</p>
<p>And I agree, it's very difficult to find someone to love and who loves you in the way that you want them to. But I figure that since I'm going to med school, whoever can stick with me through that is a keeper. And I'm hoping that he's going to be Asian. Or my parents will change.
For some reason, the "he's going to be Asian" part sounds more feasible. -_-;</p>
<p>Honestly, I don't know what I would do if my parents just don't want me to marry someone and I want to.</p>
<p>me.duh,</p>
<p>You'd be amazed how much love can alter your judgement. :D</p>
<p>But really, you'll have to ask yourself a few questions:</p>
<p>-- is this person worth it?
-- am I happy?
-- what will make me happiest in the long run?</p>
<p>And BTW, I doubt that your parents would accept a non-Chinese, either, if they're that hardcore. My friends family couldn't handle him dating a Chinese person because they're Korean and need to carry "the bloodline."</p>
<p>Then again, my girlfriend's grandmother would only let her children marry Chinese of SPECIFIC FAMILIES. So I wonder if your parents are that insane? Really, do what makes YOU happy. It may seem odd to you now, but life's VERY short, and spending it making other people happy will just make you mean and stuff.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Honestly, I don't know what I would do if my parents just don't want me to marry someone and I want to.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I hope that I never have to face a situation like that. My parents tell me everyday: "If we don't like a choice you made, you won't be happy that you made it."
They are pretty stubborn when it comes to me doing something they don't want me to do.</p>
<p>Man, if you're still worried about getting your parents approval at the age of 25-30 to do something, your biggest problem won't be relationship based.</p>
<p>
[quote]
spending it making other people happy will just make you mean and stuff.
[/quote]
I hope I don't end up mean "and stuff." ;) I really doubt I will. I'm pretty "chill."</p>
<p>
[quote]
Man, if you're still worried about getting your parents approval at the age of 25-30 to do something, your biggest problem won't be relationship based.
[/quote]
Ladies and gents, this is culture. You see it as something negative; I see it as respect.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Ladies and gents, this is culture. You see it as something negative; I see it as respect.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Keep in mind that it's possible to willingly criticize culture and not be ethnocentric or "bigoted" per se. In the case of something like this, I function within an admittedly American lens, but I can recognize what I see as a clash of values and interests viz-a-viz you as a human being. Since I have no real power over the fate of the Chinese immigrant culture, I can't say much other than what may work for you personally. </p>
<p>Keep in mind that I'm working under the assumption that you're fairly well-entrenched in the US, and expect to be here for a lengthy period of time. With that assumption in place, I can safely say that you're doing yourself a disservice by kowtowing (I'm using the term as liberally as possible) to the influences of your "home culture." With that assumption removed, it becomes much easier to say "yeah, marry only Chinese."</p>
<p>But let's work on the lifetime in America assumption for a second. If you stay here in the long term, you [un]fortunately must also realize that there is an American cultural identity that YOU are personally clashing with as well-- namely, you are giving the bird to the notion of plurality. The dominant cultural more today states that you marry whomever you want no matter what their ethnicity is. You're currently clashing with that, and in turn, clashing with a culture.</p>
<p>I know it's somewhat chic today to say that Americans have no culture or whatever BS gets trotted around, but it's simply untrue. You're witnessing it right now.</p>
<p>I think that people of different ethnicities who live in a country otherr than their mother land are going to be subjected to the culture/views.etc of that country. But they will have their own culture and values from their own country. right??</p>
<p>Absolutely. However, clashes can and will occur, no matter how "flexible" you or the new host culture may be. The US is a far more "flexible" culture to newcomers than say my last digs (Japan), yet it does have it's own mores that will try to affect your thinking.</p>
<p>It's not really "right" or "wrong," however. It just is. Like that rock in my yard isn't really "right" or "wrong." It just is. Unfortunately, this rock tends to get in the way of things, tripping up our fair subject. It's also dug VERY deep into the foundation of things, and refuses to budge, no matter how hard she tries to dig it up and remove it.</p>
<p>Now, she has her own "pet rock"-- what a stupid idea, and what an even worse idea for a metaphor, but hang with me for a sec-- that she's throwing at that bigger rock in her yard. Sure, it can be awfully satisfying to throw rocks at other rocks when you're angry; we all love to do the "HULK SMASH!" thing once in a while. But it doesn't really change much. It doesn't change the rock from "right" to "wrong" or vice versa.</p>
<p>So in the end, accept the rock. Accept that it will continue to get in your way once in a while. But don't throw away your little rock either. It's valuable and brings you some peace at times when all you need to do is be angry at the big rock. And remember, no matter how big a rock, or a mountain, is, you can always climb over it, tunnel under (or through!) it, or go around it. It doesn't have to be in your way all the time. Better yet, while you do try to surmount it, admire it for its beauty, as you would ragged mountain peak. Sure, it's a pain in the ass to get around it, but if you enjoy the road there, it's that much better.</p>
<p>I had trouble following what you were saying. but, okay, i get what you are trying to say.</p>
<p>Think of the rocks as representations of culture. Slow, generally perceived as unchanging, and very resistant to outside forces.</p>
<p>What I'm suggesting is that we take a bit of "home" with us wherever we go, because it brings us a sense of peace and comfort whenever the "new" rocks get in our way. Sometimes, however, we behave foolishly by just "throwing" our rocks (e.g. our cultural mores) at the new rocks. It doesn't change a damn thing, but it makes us feel better about ourselves. Like when you kick something when you injure yourself. </p>
<p>I'm suggesting that the best path to dealing with the new rock (culture) is to simply GO AROUND, UNDER, OR THROUGH. Don't let it get in your way. Be zen about stuff. That rock ain't goin' nowhere. But you have to. So enjoy the rock (culture) for what it is. But don't throw your rock (culture) away, because then you lose a part of what made you who you are...and you lost a great defensive mechanism when you're on the outs.</p>
<p>Better?</p>
<p>much better</p>
<p>I still prefer the earlier post, mind you. It's more flowery and poetic. </p>
<p>But I suppose the point is to get my point across. And if I've accomplished that, then I'm happy.</p>
<p>.........Interracial people are HOT..
So if you want a good looking child, hook up with someone of different race.</p>
<p>Hook up as in the birds and the bees.. not kissing (ok i just wanted to confirm that I know how babies are produced - my previous post might've sounded misleading)</p>
<p>^ Yes. I should totally use that argument against my parents.</p>
<p>As for culture, it's not chic to say that any country has no culture. I don't see how anyone can say that America has no culture or tradition when there is so much that's perfectly unique to it (Thanksgiving, 4th of July, it's weird politics...). I don't know how long I will actually stay here, but I plan on moving back to China after I retire. Maybe that'll change depending on who I marry, but honestly, I don't want it to change.</p>
<p>I want to keep my culture alive. I also want to marry whoever I come to fall in love with. If that's going to clash, I'm probably just going to choose the easiest route out.</p>
<p>I don't know about "culture" per se. I just find that certain personal/family values that I consider very important are lacking in other cultures. Does it mean those cultures are worse? No, only different. Does it mean everyone of my culture necessarily has the values? No. Does it mean people of other cultures can never have these values? No way!</p>
<p>Just as an example of what I consider cultural values: I personally consider it very important always to invite guests into your home, to feed them, and to give freely to others. I've found that in America, if you drop your child off in a friend's house, the child will come back having eaten crackers or a drink for snack--rarely a meal, and if a meal, rarely anything but pizza or Easy Mac. The parent on the doorstep is often not invited into the home for a friendly cup of tea or even a seat and a chat. If other parents come to our house they don't ask if they need to remove their shoes. In America, that's often just the way things are done. Is it bad? No way. But I couldn't live like that. Also, when I open my American newspaper I see articles in the Opinion section debating about whether to give money to panhandlers. It is always very surprising for me to read letters from people who refuse to give to panhandlers because those beggars would "probably use the money for drugs or alcohol, not to better themselves." But the way I was raised (I'm going beyond "in my culture..." here) you don't think so cynically when giving. It's instinctual.
Sorry if I come across as a pompous ass here--I don't mean to trumpet my own values. I do a lot of terrible things too and I'm sure you could find many moral quibbles with my lifestyle! I just posted the examples to see how people would react--if they believe in those things or if they consider me different. I'm curious--go ahead and tell me I'm wrong!</p>