<p>Not sure if this is the correct forum, but there isnt "general chat", so here I go.</p>
<p>Do you guys thing it is worth while marrying from your own culture/nation/ethnicity?</p>
<p>I ask as I am strongly interested in an Arab girl [mutual interest], but my mother has made it clear she preferred if I marry from the Asian community.</p>
<p>I am in 2 minds.</p>
<p>Uhm, do what you want to do. Or are you still a grade schooler who does every single thing momma says?</p>
<p>I am a 26 year old man, but it is culturally expected to obey. Asian culture has huge stock in doing as your elders say. Now I am born/raised in the UK, and am 90% culturally British, but it is hard to shake this element of my forefathers culture.</p>
<p>Marrying within one’s own culture and one’s own ethnicity/race are two entirely different things. People often use “culture” instead of “ethnicity/race” because it sounds more PC, but those terms are not interchangeable.</p>
<p>For example, if an African-American who claims that he wants to marry within his own culture refuses to consider an Asian-American as a romantic partner, then he is not actually trying to stay within his culture because they are both American. While there may be specific sub-cultures of African-Americans and Asian-Americans, to denote them as separate cultures entirely would be like saying that a white New Yorker who says that he wants to date within his own culture shouldn’t date, say, a white Midwesterner and or a white Southerner. </p>
<p>If you are American, then when you claim that you want to date/marry within your culture, you should consider ALL Americans, regardless of race. If you don’t, then what you’re focused on is not culture but instead ethnicity/race.</p>
<p>I understand it’s in your culture and whatnot, but just how strongly interested are you in being with this Arab girl? If I were you I’d rather **** off my parents and be in a marriage I know will last than please my parents but be in a terrible marriage.</p>
<p>I thought the name UKdude was a give away btw. I myself dont care about race/culture/ethnicity, but I have elements of my family who do. I have and am happy to date all sorts, but my mother wishes my wife to be Asian. I however am really into this Arab girl.</p>
<h1>5,</h1>
<p>She is a 8/10, a real catch. And its mutual like. But I dont want to lose/upset the family. I am in a serious bind man.</p>
<p>There is something to be said for differing cultures, in that if there are strong cultural differences you need to be sure they can be reconciled or the relationship won’t work. Otherwise, I don’t think it matters. But what I think doesn’t really matter because I don’t share your culture here where you have it deeply ingrained to listen to your elders. I am inclined to say that if you don’t want to lose/upset the family, your choice is pretty much made for you, you have to decide which is more important. But given that I can’t really relate to this aspect of your culture, my advice may not be the best. Maybe there is someone outside your family with which you do share this culture that you could seek advice from? It might be more useful, I think.</p>
<p>I’m an American girl of Middle Eastern descent (Syrian/Afghan) and my parents also expect me to marry someone of the same ethnicity/culture and religion. But I’m certainly not restricting the people I date to a certain ethnic background. </p>
<p>Think of it this way: YOU’RE the one getting married. Assuming no divorce, you will live with your wife for decades, likely have children, and be with her long after your mother is dead. Tell your mother that you respect and love her, but it’s not her business to dictate who you marry. She should be happy to see you with someone you genuinely love, rather than be pressured into a marriage (which would more likely fail).</p>
<p>Btw, by Asian do you mean East Asian? I know in the UK “Asian” usually refers to South Asians, who are almost the same ethnic group as Arabs (although I’m aware many Indians expect their kids to marry Indians).</p>
<p>I am Pakistani-British. The girl is of Algerian stock. Both sunni Muslims, both attractive [we really are a hot couple], both smart…</p>
<p>Aaaaaaaaaaagh! As an Afghan, you can appreciate how much influence mothers have in Afghan/Pakistani culture.</p>
<p>Whoa, I completely thought you were asian as in oriental! I can’t imagine Pakistani and Arab as being so different, but that’s just my narrow world-view. You guys sound like a good match–same religion, both attracted.</p>
<p>It’s pretty much the same. That’s why I find it so hard to handle the opposition. The last girl I was really close to [my first real love] was German, and I understood that opposition. But this, this is cultural freeze. I mean if I have to marry someone from the exact same culture it seems a bit much. </p>
<p>That said, to go against my mother is against my programming. But this is a tough predicament for me.</p>
<p>I honestly think you’re blowing this out of proportion. So you’re a Pakistani Muslim who wants to marry an Arab Muslim? </p>
<p>The cultures are VERY similar. For example, you’re from the same religious background - Sunni Muslim. Both cultures are very family-oriented, place a high degree of respect on elders, community-oriented, value education, etc…My mom is Afghan, technically South Asian, and my dad is Syrian (Arab) and both of their parents were totally fine with the marriage. Same religion, similar cultures. </p>
<p>It’s not like your parents are KKK members and you’re marrying a Black girl ;)</p>
<p>Pakistani culture is 90% the same as Arab culture. We share a faith, more or less the same food/dress, we even look similar. This is why I was delighted to find an Algerian hottie who likes me. </p>
<p>My mum has said stuff like if you marry her I wont attend the wedding. One of my brothers married a Chinese lady, and my family accepted one of us marrying out, but 2/4 sons- my mum doesnt seem like she will agree to it.</p>
<p>
Sounds like she’s going to miss out on a lot of good middle eastern food :P</p>
<p>I think she’ll get over it, even if she’s upset at first. Not to be offensive, but I find the attitude of many south asians toward marriage to be ridiculous - I’ve met Indian-Americans whose parents weren’t even ok with other Indian-Americans - had to be from the same caste, same part of India! Whoa</p>
<p>Worse comes to worse, tell her you’re marrying the German, then the Algerian will seem awesome in comparison 
Better food, too.</p>
<p>I think you need to man up a bit. You’re 26, you’re an independent adult, marrying someone you love isn’t turning your back on your family. If they choose to turn their backs on you (which I doubt) then it’s their loss.</p>
<p>We dont have caste issues, Islam overides any tribal link we have. I just think she wants us to continue the “Pakistani” blood thing. I understand it, she worries that within 4 generations (I am 3rd Gen Brit, my grandfathers were in the Imperial Army and my family moved here in the 1950’s), we wont have links to Pakistan anymore. But tbh, I dont feel that Pakistani anyway, and its not a huge issue for me. </p>
<p>But you know in our cultures mother’s rule such decisions, usually.</p>
<p>
My grandmother was born and raised in Afghanistan (actually briefly migrated to Paki-land before coming to the US in the 1950’s). Until she came to America, she had literally never interacted with people outside her culture before and spoke only Farsi and Urdu. But she easily accepted my mother marrying a Syrian-American, despite that they were from different cultures with different languages. And this was back in the 50’s. </p>
<p>Btw, I am fluent in Arabic, Farsi, and Urdu as well as English, so it’s not like a heritage disappears when 2 people from different ethnic groups marry. Also, I’m not sure if Afghan’s count as South Asian or not, we don’t really look it lol and our languages are different.</p>
<p>I speak English, and a smattering pf Punjabi. I confess to being a bit disconected from my culture. </p>
<p>4 languages, you are impressive girl!</p>
<p>My grandfather was a Gypsy- he married a gadje (non-Gypsy). MAJOR taboo in Roma culture. </p>
<p>Other side of the family: My Irish Catholic grandfather married a Jewish woman. Taboo in both cultures. </p>
<p>I don’t understand why people have to marry within their “culture”. Marry the person you fall in love with and want to spend the rest of your life with. You have a short life on this Earth, might as well make it a happy life :).</p>
<p>dude don’t even think about marriage yet you’re a bright youngster fresh outta college ready to take on the world. get your first tech startup before you even think about weddings man
and what pinkberry said
also, pix of this algerian hottie</p>