<p>It's so funny just skimming these posts and realizing I'm not the only one with the same feelings. I, who know I did the right thing by letting her choose for herself and feel so proud of us both for it... still a little pang there for the school I had grown attached to, the kind correspondences with their staff, their preferable climate and town where my husband and I could have visited and felt a part of.... oh dear... but this is so much better than wondering if anything negative in your child's experience is a result of their not choosing for themselves! I plan to take time to read all of these posts. This forum is great.</p>
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but this is so much better than wondering if anything negative in your child's experience is a result of their not choosing for themselves!
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<p>My thoughts exactly! She'll have enough to complain to her therapist about me - I don't need to add to the list intentionally!</p>
<p>My D turned down Georgetown University. In my opinion, she would have thrived there. I never let her know my opinions about any of the schools she had to choose from. When it came down to the final two, because of her indecision, I had her make a pro and con list. And believe me, there was only 1-2 cons for GU, so it was tough for her.</p>
<p>I'm sure she will thrive and do well at her school of choice. Although, it would have been nice to give a Hoya cheer! ;)</p>
<p>My D is now trying to decide between a small liberal arts school where she would absolutely fit & a medium-size, nationally known school that would be a bit of a personal stretch (i.e., she would have to grow up a bit). I am keeping my mouth shut, and it's hard to do! I would actually pick a different school for her, one she finds a bit too small. It's not my decision, though, and I refuse to say anything ... she might use it against me later on!!</p>
<p>I'm encouraging my D to listen to her gut (i.e., how does choosing each school make her feel) and also look at specific elements of the colleges that are important to her. She made a "choice" last night but said she was going to decide for sure in two days. Her top two are both fine educational institutions, but certainly different from each other.</p>
<p>FWIW-</p>
<p>Husband and I had MAJOR problems with S passing on a great school with tons of money. It was only 3.5 hours away and #4 in the nation in his field.</p>
<p>He made another choice (the money was fine there, too, BTW) 14 hours away. Sob.</p>
<p>He made the right choice, bless him. We all know that now.</p>
<p>-mafool</p>
<p>USD and UCSB are both very good schools, but if your daughter likes Berkeley, I'd say that's the way to go.</p>
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You are right to keep your mouth shut and let her choose, but my experience based on hindsight is that the "personal stretch" is a better choice.</p>
<p>In another post somewhere I analogized the fit/stretch dilemma to buying a new winter coat for a 10 year old. You can buy the kid the coat that fits perfectly, but if you want that coat to be worn for more than one year, you are better off to chose a coat that's a little too large. </p>
<p>My son chose the college that was an absolute perfect fit and outgrew it -- hence he will be one of the many college students who graduates from a different college than the one where he started. My daughter opted for the stretch and it definitely has been good for her.</p>
<p>Berkeley can be an intimidating city until you learn your way around and then it is wonderful. Santa Barbara is also wonderful, but don't fool yourself into thinking it is paradise--Isla Vista is wild at times and SB has as many "outdoorsmen" as Berkeley. Don't worry about her, she will learn to navigate Cal quickly.</p>
<p>My D also chose a large university that was a BIG stretch for her...she knew that her other choice (my small LAC: {sniff ::(}) would be a perfect fit for the first and second years, but was concerned that she would outgrow it too quickly. This way, she knew she might be out of her element for maybe the first year, but could quickly get used to it. Besides, the larger school DID offer many more opportunities. </p>
<p>It's still hard for me to let go, though. But, I can always go back for my reunions!</p>
<p>CalMom - I remember you saying this before, and kept it in mind during "our" decision process. D herself said to me just a couple nights ago, "You know, there are really some positive things about going to a bigger school." And today she was commenting to me that she has "had some experience with 'adjusting' in the past. I think I'll be fine!"</p>
<p>She's not even there yet, and she's already growing!</p>
<p>i'm really sorry...but UCB blows UCSB and USD out of the water! I'm sad for your daughter who has a pretty ignorant mom in terms of presitige across the State of California. I wouldn't choose a school because of the surfing?? sorry i really wouldn't. Do a little bit more research and talk to other moms. They will be quite informative about how UCB is much better than either of those two.</p>
<p>calidude20, and I'm sad for your mother who raised such a rude and thoughtless child. And one who believes that "prestige" is everything. Good luck in the world</p>
<p>I did my best to put together a list of colleges for my son (him being totally apathetic about the process this fall when I was making airplane reservations). However, visiting those colleges was a real growth process for me! I learned that I do not know my son as well as I thought I did. He had issues with schools I thought would be a perfect fit and loved schools that seemed like a total mismatch, but that I just threw in for spice. It will be interesting to see which school he chooses, and it may not be any school on the original list. At least I have learned not to presume that I know the best fit for him! In spite of the fact that we remember our high school years so clearly and think we know what it's like to be 17, we really don't remember very well. Plus, our children are having different high school experiences than we had.</p>
<p>On the flip side, what bothers me is the randomness with which students sometimes decide on a school, and how many people I know who made the wrong decision and ended up transferring or being miserable for 4 years. None of us want that to happen to our children.</p>
<p>I made the mistake of falling in love with a school before my son chose, but we are all about loving the one we're with. I still think my kid can decide fit for him better than I can.</p>
<p>I recognize quite a few moms and dads here. Hi! </p>
<p>As I have said on previous threads, it has been hard to let go of schools DS didn't choose, especially because he's my second and last. And I agree with the idea of a coat large enough to grow into. However, S chose smallest, most remote school on his list. (It is, however, a challenging environment.) DS is sure this is his place. How could I doubt him?</p>
<p>I think TheDad makes a good point: many of us regret the fact that we didn't have the information or support to go through the same process.</p>
<p>In addition, their choice of something other than we would underscores the fact that they are separate from us which 5 guess is the whole point isn't it?</p>
<p>I'm sympathetic; I had the ideal outcome in that DD chose the "perfect school" from a parent's perspective. THe only twinge I had was when she turned down the state honors school and state Regent's scholarship, but it was more my problem in being inherently risk averse. She's going to spend every dime to her name and then some for her preferred school; if she had gone with the honors/regents choice she could have come out of school set with a nice net worth for herself. I keep telling myself you can never go wrong betting on education.</p>
<p>Mombot, if it's any consolation...and just one parent's opinion...mine had the profile of a Regent's scholar but didn't apply to any UC's (if that's the Regent's you're talking about) and now, 3/4 of the way through, I think she's ahead of the game despite the cost...more to us than to her.</p>
Very perceptive comment! I am now facing this again with my son, nine years later… transferring from CC, accepted at UCSB, TAG approved at UCD. So I’m baaaa-aaack! Anyone still here from 2007-2008?
Please start your own new thread. Use old threads only for research.