<p>Not a right or a privilege – but a tremendous gift.</p>
<p>As we move towards Fathers Day, there was a little segment on the news about “what was the best gift your father gave you?” Both H and I spontaneously responded, “Our educations.” We consider these tremendous gifts that we are grateful to our parents for providing, and are pleased to give our children.</p>
<p>In our family it’s a priviledge, to us while a gift, it’s more of a priviledge because it happens because of things the kids have done and the expectations of things they will do. K-12 is a right. Post secondary is not a right. If we were remotely thinking of contributing to post-graduate (we’re not) that would be a gift!</p>
<p>It is a gift, but one worth giving to your child if you can afford it. My own parents made sacrifices at the time to send 4 kids to college. H’s family did too, so we are following suit.
It makes me very sad when I hear of a student who has put in a lot of effort in school, whose parents can afford to help and won’t. I guess I just don’t understand that.</p>
<p>I consider it a responsibility, not a right or a priviledge. </p>
<p>I grew up in a family that valued education, and my H and I have internalized the same values. We have likewise instilled the same value in our s’s. So, that said, we feel it is our responsibility to provide this opportunity to our children. We have always told them we would pay for undergrad, and have been saving up for their educational needs since the day they were born. Older s used his funds for his undergrad, and has also been carefully saving the allowance we gave during school (that was, in our eyes, part of the cost of their education), so if he goes on to grad school he’ll either pay or hopefully have an employer pay or get funding with a research grant or TA or something. Younger s chose a school that offered a huge scholarship, so we will have funds left over after he finishes school that was allocated for education. So if he goes on to grad/professional school, there are funds there to help pay for some of it (not enough to fund med school but to help defray costs).</p>
<p>I view it as an opportunity to help my s’s become independent, successful kids… so they can take care of us in our old age :)</p>
<p>Actually it is a priviledge in a sense-- I consider it a priviledge on my part to be able to provide this opportunity for our kids. I am happy to be able to offer this benefit/gift to them.</p>
<p>I view it as my happy responsibility as a parent to pay for my D’s education as far as her abilities, talent, self-discipline, and interests will take her.</p>
<p>Here’s an analogy…is it my right or my privilege that songbird will take care of me in my old age, paying for and providing (if I can’t do it myself) the best care and comfort her circumstances will allow?</p>
<p>I don’t know, but I know she’ll do it, and WANT to do it because we love each other very much and want the best for each other. Her education? My old age care? It’s pretty much the same. We devote ourselves and our resources to each others’ best interests. We also each put forth our very best effort (she now as a student and me later as an elderly woman who needs help) to maximize the other’s investment and make them feel happy to be making it. That’s the way we are. I know not all families are like that.</p>
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<p>Amen! (with the caveat that grad school is on them!)</p>
<p>My DH and I are the first generation in our respective families to go to college (we both paid for our own educations). I was expected to go - there was never another option. DH got no support or encouragement from his widowed father - who was a life-long laborer, with a 7th grade education. Actually, his father coached him by asking why he wanted to waste money going to college. FIL encouraged him to get a job out of HS, instead. </p>
<p>In my view, a parent should provide as much encouragement and financial support as they are able to offer. Banjo best summed up our perspective on the issue:</p>
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<p>I don’t think that parents are obligated to pay for college. It’s nice, but it’s not always possible. The economy has changed so many lives, some parents who might have hoped to use the equity in their homes to pay for school, no longer can. That doesn’t mean that they owe their kids. Our kids have always known that we planned for four years at a UC, anything over that is on them. However, if they are struggling with keeping a decent GPA, maybe a CC would be a better choice. Any money they save that way can go to post-grad.</p>
<p>momofsongbird-
I think we said the same thing. </p>
<p>And I agree too with Banjo. I consider my kids going to college as a given. If I expect that, I should expect to pay for it.</p>
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Yep, Jym, missed your post. Agree with everything you said!</p>
<p>bchan1–agree with you as well as others, but then, we are the parents who care enough about this process to hang out on CC.</p>
<p>When my son was young, he asked me if he could go to MIT or a similar school. I replied that if he got in, I’d find a way to afford it. I think it helped motivate him.</p>
<p>We even both used the “take care of use in our old age” analogy, songbird!. My kids like to “remind” me that they will be picking out my nursing home :)</p>
<p>Privilege. I agree with those that feel it is the parent’s money and it is their choice to pay or not to pay. Now, my husband and I chose to extend this privilege to our children within reason. They knew if they wanted to go to an expensive private school or out of state public they would have to earn enough scholarship money to cover costs over what we would have to pay in-state. We also made it clear that if they didn’t keep their grades up then the gravy train would end.</p>
<p>Our son decided college was more fun if he didn’t go to class or crack open a book. At this moment he is in his second week of Air Force Basic Training. Our daughter fell in love with an out-of-state public and earned the scholarships she needed to attend. Hopefully she will do well in the fall, but if not, we know where the Air Force recruiter’s office is. :)</p>
<p>In these competitive times, I see college as an obligation, rather than a right or privilege, on the part of the parents and the student. Parents are obligated to help as much as they can afford and students are obligated to do whatever it takes to get there, and contribute financially if necessary.</p>
<p>I haven’t read this entire thread, but personally I feel it is a privilege for a kid to attend college. However, if you look it from the college’s viewpoint of how they determine financial aid, it is assumed it is a kid’s right because they consider parental income even if the parent refuses to help pay for school.</p>
<p>for the kid… even if going to college is a given in your family, it is still a privilege that your parents are offering to you. Do your best.</p>
<p>With regards to right or privilege, are we speaking of community college? State U? Private LAC? And there is a big difference between a student thinking the parents can afford it and reality. And are there more kids coming that will be in college? How many and how soon do they follow? </p>
<p>I think that if there is money for college, that paying for tuition is reasonable. It does NOT have to be a LAC over flagship state U. It does NOT have to include room and board if there are options that would allow a student to live at home or with other family. </p>
<p>And I think EVERY student needs some vesting in their eduction. Whether it is maintaining a certain GPA to keep from having to work, or working to help pay for books or incidentals. Every family should decide what it is that the student is responsible for.</p>
<p>My experience is that many parents will, to a large extent, expect their kids to follow their own experience. If, back in the day, they got no help from their parents and earned their own way through college with some combination of jobs, scholarships, and borrowing, they will often expect their kids to do the same. If their parents paid for some or all of their college costs, they will “pay it forward” and pay for their kids’ college too. </p>
<p>I fall into the latter camp. My parents sacrificed for my education, and I’m doing the same for my kids. But at the same time I recognize that my choice may not be everyone’s choice, and expecting your kids to foot the bill for college is a legitimate way to go.</p>
<p>And of course inability to afford to pay much or anything can trump all desires and intentions. Everyone’s financial situation is unique.</p>
<p>On the other hand, I am still bitter about having to fund my own education, which resulted in me choosing a “practical” major so I would be able to co-op and get a good-paying job to pay off my loans. My parents did not sacrifice for my education, but my children will all graduate without any undergraduate loans!</p>
<p>Reading on, I agree my parents where big fans of education, as was my extended family. what they WEREN’T were folks who seemed vested in what some might call an “elite” education. That’s the part that is new for me.</p>
<p>I am not USUALLY bitter about funding my own education (actually via a “merit” ROTC scholarship, with a four year commitment). There HAVE been times however, say at the onset of the gulf war, when I wondered WHAT was my mother thinking, when she encouraged me to acquiesce to the recruiting efforts.</p>
<p>I have not at all resented taking a practical route, and believe that is why I am in a position to fund my own kids education.</p>
<p>My parents may not have sacrificed financially in terms of college tuition, but they sure must have sacrificed their own interests to raise us.</p>
<p>I haven’t read this whole thread but my parents have clearly stated to me that it should be a requirement for everyone to be educated from K-12 (I think they said something about a state law that says everyone has to be educated under 16?) but it’s a privilege for anyone to receive education after that (in other words, I have to earn the right to go to college).</p>