<p>I had an unspoken but clearly understood agreement with each my daughters that if they worked hard and did their best and earned their way into the best college that they could, that I would figure out a way to pay for it. They both kept their end of the bargain and so far I’m keeping mine.</p>
<p>Earlier, I called it a “given,” but I like jym’s wording…I see it as a “responsibility” as a parent. </p>
<p>I also agree with coureur, that often as adults, we follow what our own parents did for us. Our parents paid for college and grad school and we are paying it forward to our kids and just told them “we’ll find a way.” </p>
<p>I differ from some here in that we included grad school if they opted to go. </p>
<p>We don’t support them while they are not in school. </p>
<p>Our feeling is that our kids did their part to get there and we are doing our part to support them with the education. </p>
<p>Then, they are on their own!</p>
<p>(but I fully understand that others do not feel this way)</p>
<p>PS…LOL! I was agreeing with coureur’s post 37 and then cross posted just now with his post 41 but now we’ve said the same thing!</p>
<p>Although we’ve always had intentions of sending the kids to college, I still would consider it " privilege". I also feel that money situation is hard to judge unless you are actually the parent who has studyie retirement needs, job security, etc.</p>
<p>I also am completely committed to sending my children to college, and if necessary I will incur debt rather than make them take it on, but it is not my childrens’ right. I don’t think its any childs’ right to have their parents pay. Children have a right to be taken care of until they turn 18, and to be given a reasonable foundation in those years so they’ll have some chance of success. Beyond that, it is the parents’ decision how much to provide after that. My children do expect me to pay, because they know that is my inclination and our family’s values. But I don’t think they think it is their right, and I think they are appropriately grateful. </p>
<p>To the OP- it isn’t your right, because your parents don’t have to do it if they don’t want to. You can’t force them to legally, and morally, it is for parents to decide on their own. Regardless of the outcome, I think you’ll do better in the discussion with your parents if you stop thinking you have a right to their money. You don’t. I agree it is unfortunate that colleges assume that a parent will pay, though I can see pragmatic reasons for that. I think my issue would be more with the colleges though, if they insist on making an assumption that isn’t true in your case.</p>
<p>I think it should be a right because now-in-days you have to have a degree to get a job. Yet, College is ridicuously expensive-- and the prices are rising! How can somebody obtain a degree, if they cannot even afford it. As of right now, college is a priviledge to the rich. State universities are rising their tuition! Now it is about 15-20k to go to a public university. To go to a private, the tuition is around 30-40k!</p>
<p>No kid should expect parents to pay what was calculated to be the EFC. Sometimes these figures really are not sensible, and if the family’s EFC is exactly $40,000/year and the COA at the student’s college around that much, the student shouldn’t expect the family to pitch in that much. I’m sure some families can, but really, that is just too much for most families who have EFCs in that range. </p>
<p>Ideally, families will work together on a financial/economic safety well before spring of the senior year. If none was planned, two years at the local cc are often a possibility.</p>
<p>Too funny, jym! We have a similar joke: songbird tells her friends (in my presence, of course) that she has to study hard so she’ll be able to support her mother in her old age in the style to which she’d like to become accustomed!:)</p>
<p>momofsongbird-
I have a “contract” my older s wrote when he was 10, right here at my computer station on the bulletin board. It says " I solemnly swear to take care of mom and dad in their old age as they have cared for me even better" Dated 9-23-96! Its binding, as far as I am concerned. Pshaw about his being a minor when he wrote it.</p>
<p>Sooze and coureur. Agree exactly, as we’ve said, many of us are continuing the pattern our parents offered and instilled in us. For others though, I admire their desire not to expect their kids to fund their education and struggle, or make less desired choices as they might have had to, to pay for school. </p>
<p>Last caveat-- Not sure what I would have done if either s had not put much effort into HS. If either had been a total slacker and then wanted to attend an expensive college… that might have been pause for concern. Or what would I do if either had done poorly in college and was not putting in the effort.</p>
<p>r0kAng3l, would you spend $40,000/year on college for a kid who will squander his college education, flunk out of college or not have a good enough GPA to get a decent job?</p>
<p>
that is very, very sweet. You’ve raised a nice boy!</p>
<p>Side note – when I went to an oos public flagship at 18, I was a very good student, doing well on ability more than hard work.</p>
<p>Neither my parents nor I realized it, but I was SO not ready for independent life, especially so far from home. Mid-70s activities (ahem), lack of focus/motivation,uninspiring group of friends…I came home after freshman year, sad, confused, and ashamed of my poor performance and of having let my parents down and having wasted their hard-earned money.</p>
<p>I was fortunate enough to have excellent office skills (from HS PT job) and got a great entry level job at an insurance co. Moved up in the ranks (and sa
lary/benefits) for 4 yrs, then decided to go back and finish my education in a carefully thought out major and career area.</p>
<p>My parents graciously offered to pay my way again, but by then I was 23 and it was important to me to pay my own way.</p>
<p>I chose a good (but not flagship) in-state public and graduated with honors.</p>
<p>Not everyone is ready at 18 to live up to their potential and to be mature and independent enough to handle the rigors of college life.</p>
<p>I have a polar opposite type of kid than I was. There’s more than one way to do this “right.”</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>The AS THEY HAVE CARED FOR ME would worry me. When DS was in 3rd grade, I would do things like teaching him alg/calculus, circuit design, and such. So what if he insists I should create a facebook account, begin to use a phone for everything other than taking to someone, learn the language of text messaging, etc. </p>
<p>Also disregarded our pediatrician who said kids simply didn’t have the control to be toilet trained at a very young age even if they tried, but rather followed my mom’s advice that most kids can be toilet trained by 9 months and got the older two out of diapers before their first birthdays. They may try to do the same thing and try to keep me off Depends till the last year of my life.</p>
<p>There is obligation on both parties. My take is (as others have said) parents are obligated to help their child achieve their college dreams, within their finanicial ability. Likewise, the kids are obligated to work to their ability to achieve their own dreams. Where it gets difficult is determining what that obligation is. Parents are not required to go deep into debt or sacrifice everything for 20 years so a student can spend half of each of four short years at their dream school. Likewise, kids are not required to work hard enough to get merit money at the school the parents want them to attend (but can’t pay for). In our state, parents in a divorce are obligagted to pay half of the cost of an in-state college. Most parents in our town have the ability to send their child to a state school. However, most of the kids think (and many parents agree) that somehow this signifies failure, especially if the choice is not the flagship university.</p>
<p>We have been upfront with our kids - I am not paying top dollar for a middling private, especially since our state publics are comparable. I see the advantages of privates, so willing to pay more than for the public but the kids have to do their part to obtain merit money to bring the costs to a level we can handle - and get a job at school. It worked with my oldest, we will see about the next tow.</p>
<p>It all depends on the price of the school and the amount of money the parents make a year…plus the kid. If you are a middle class family, making decent money, and have a star academic for a child, then yes, you should be paying for your kid’s education. If you are low-income and/or if the kid is lazy, unmotivated, and has a horrid GPA, then no, it is not a God-given right. </p>
<p>However, I think it is a parent’s duty to save up money for college. My parents did. It was given that I was going to college. I will be saving up for my babies as well.</p>
<p>Calculus in third grade? Isn’t that a bit over the top?</p>
<p>I think it’s a privilege. At the same tine, I would rather fund the best education for my kids possible, rather than leave them with an inheritance.</p>
<p>
That might not be a bad thing, dad<em>of</em>3.</p>
<p>[WikiAnswers</a> - What is the difference between a right and privilege](<a href=“http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_the_difference_between_a_right_and_privilege]WikiAnswers”>What is the difference between a right and a privilege? - Answers)
I like this description of the difference between right and privilege</p>
<p>*A “right” is granted and guaranteed to you by law (i.e. - your Constitutional Rights). A “privilege” is something you are ALLOWED to do as long as you do it lawfully (i.e. - you have a ‘privilege’ to operate a motor vehicle as long as you are legally licensed to do so). *</p>
<p>A child has some very specific rights and parents and the state have some obligations (right to a safe environment, right to food and nourishment, right to basic education (K-12)). No one has a *right *to higher education as per the law or any moral law or other convention that I am aware off. </p>
<p>Some parents want to give their child a good start and hence are willing to pay for college education, even if it means taking a large loan. </p>
<p>Other parents could very well say “I am not paying for it” or “I am only paying so much” and there are well within their rights to do so. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I disagree. Parents can choose to save for a college for their children, they can choose to pay for the child’s wedding, then can choose to… </p>
<p>I do believe saving for a child’s education is the right thing to do (right has several meanings), but it is not an obligation, not a duty etc.</p>
<p>"No one has a right to higher education as per the law or any moral law or other convention that I am aware off. "</p>
<p>What if the parents income is, at least in part, the fruit of a higher education, that was, in whole or in part, paid for by THEIR parents? IE by the grandparents of the current would be college student?</p>
<p>What is their moral obligation to their now deceased parents to pay forward what they themselves received? </p>
<p>I think this accounts for at least some of the difference of opinion on this question.</p>
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</p>
<p>It could be a moral obligation if the grandparents made it clear that they were educating their children so that their children could educate the grandchildren. It could be possibly implied, but the point is that the child has no legal right to demand college education because the parents were funded by the grandparents. I am not a lawyer but a moral obligation does not equate to a right, unless there was some sort of binding contract.</p>
<p>To me the word right as in I have “*right *to freedom of speech” is a legalistic term that confers an ability to enforce it through the process of the law. Demanding that parents pay for higher education (in most cases) cannot be enforced in a court of law, and hence cannot be a *right<a href=“unless%20there%20is%20some%20agreement%20that%20parents%20will%20provide%20for%20education%20such%20as%20a%20trust”>/I</a>. Again, I may be showing my ignorance of jurisprudence when I make the statement above, so possibly I should stop posting on this forum.</p>