<p>I was wondering what others thought.....my son is at a good school and is enjoying it somewhat. He's not miserable, just not in love with it. He hears all his friends saying how much they love the colleges they're at. Should he stay where he just feels OK about it or consider transferring somewhere else? He is undecided what to do.</p>
<p>I recommend that he find some club or activity to broaden his circle of friends at the school. I take it that he is away from home; how far?</p>
<p>Does he feel that he has a problem? And if he does, would transfer be likely to solve it?</p>
<p>There are some problems that might be addressed more easily by making changes on one's own campus. For example, if your son does not enjoy dormitory life, could he move off campus? If he feels that he has not made enough friends, could he join more extracurricular activities next semester so that he can meet more people? If he is struggling financially, would an on-campus job help? If he is unenthusiastic about what he's studying, could he consider a different major or take some electives that interest him?</p>
<p>There are also some situations that would be similar at any college. Some people, for example, really don't like to study and can't wait to get out of school. Transferring would not solve this problem; graduating would.</p>
<p>I don't think he should consider transferring unless he has really good reason to believe that he would have a better experience at a different college.</p>
<p>Usually the key to being happy is in the mirror.</p>
<p>I felt the same way. I liked my school, knew it was great in my major (Virginia Tech, engineering), but I wasn't in love with it. So, I started revisiting (online ofcourse) some of the other schools I applied to/thought about applying to senior year, which included CalPoly, UT-Austin, UVA, Penn State, ect. I ultimately only applied to UVA simply because I loved it and saw it as a great school with the balance of academics and social life, plus IS tuition, 2 hours from home, BEAUTIFUL grounds, ect. I got in, and have never been so excited to go back to school. To help make my decision (well, I did apply no matter what because I figured I could always turn it down, I just couldnt get an acceptance in May if I didnt apply) when I got accepted, I thought about each place and how I would fit in. When I realized that i was beyond excited about UVA and didn't really even think of going back to VT, I knew I should transfer.</p>
<p>So, if he doesn't have that "bond" and "love" for his school, tell him to look around at other places this summer. Then, in the fall, let him give his college another shot. Come December (winter break), if he still feels the same way about his current school, then he should further his research and start the apps/essays. Then, come decisions, he can finally make a decision of whether or not he wants to stay. By then, he'll know what is right for him. I did my app over winter break, and swore to forget about it until decision day. But, I was always subconciously thinking about it, which made my decision in May even easier. </p>
<p>Best advice: Tell him to look at schools now. Do a LOT of research, as in look at every site on the webpage, from activities to academics to social stuff to campus life. Look beyond the website at collegeboard, CC, college guide books, ect. Spend as much money as you need to. Some may have spring admissions, and he should apply for those if he finds a school he's really content with. If he really doesn't want to transfer in the spring, then tell him to give fall semester all he's got. If it doesn't work out, APPLY TO TRANSFER! Apply to a few safeties he'd be happy with, but apply to a ton of matches/reaches. It's better to put in the effort/time/money than be unhappy in college. Come May, he can always turn places down.</p>
<p>I think all of the above advice is on point and excellent. Just to let you know, it does happen that someone chooses to say at a college that is just "okay" for them, or even not a great fit. My S is at an excellent school, but does not really care for it. He had already transferred in there (not by choice, but due to Katrina-related elimination of his major at his first school, which he loved). There are several things which are not great (for him) at his current school: the intensity/competitiveness of the academic atmosphere, not having made the great circle of friends he did at the first school. He has also struggled in a couple of courses - a totally new experience for him.</p>
<p>He thought of transferring but decided against it. He has done pretty darn well GPA-wise in a very tough major in a very tough school, but not as well as he did at this first school. He basically just decided not to go through a change, wasn't sure he would be happier somewhere else and knows it is a great school.</p>
<p>I think, as Marian and LW stated (and barrons "hinted") that he could solve some of the problems by being more pro-active in the social/activities arena. I would like to see him have that "college is the best time of your life" experience and am wist-ful that he isn't having that experience. But it is his choice and is livable. He is not actually depressed or unhappy. He has experienced already some of the benefits of his current school (we think), as he was snapped up for a summer internship in his field and the school name on his resume possibly/probably was a factor.</p>
<p>So, your S is not the only one. Everyone is not having the "time of their lives." I think it really depends on how important it is to him. If he really feels another place will be better, he'll take the steps necessary to make a move. If not, he'll make the best of where he is and that's okay.</p>
<p>If he's undecided after thinking it over this summer, the idea of trying new activities is great. If that hasn't done the trick by winter break, he can think about transfer apps. Come on over to the transfer board or PM me, I know all about transfer apps and deadlines. He'll have plenty of time (unless he's dealing with the UC system) to try for a transfer as most of the deadlines are sometime in March. Then he can decide next spring.</p>
<p>Also, transferring has its own challenges. Some work out just as shoebox describes - just a great situation that feels perfect and would have been the best choice first time around. But transferring involves obvious adjustments and uncertainty about whether it will be better.</p>
<p>Yes, he is away from home, about a 3 hour plane ride. </p>
<p>Thanks for all the advice. I agree that he should see how the fall semester goes and then reassess the situation. It is hard to tell if it is him or the school he's at. He has made some friends but has said that a good amount of the student body are kinda the rich spoiled types and not his cup of tea. But he does acknowledge that there are some down to earth kids there you just have to look a little harder to find them. </p>
<p>I agree that transferring does have its own problems and does involve a big adjustment and uncertainty.</p>
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I would like to see him have that "college is the best time of your life" experience and am wi****l that he isn't having that experience.
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<p>There may be advantages to not having the "best time of your life" experience.</p>
<p>Those who enjoyed college the most may be those who have the hardest time moving on after graduation. </p>
<p>I'm not saying that anyone should stay in a place where he or she is utterly miserable. But maybe "just OK" is OK.</p>
<p>I disagree. Being happy at your school results in better grades because you're not constatnly worrying about trying to have a good time. </p>
<p>OP: Give it fall semester. He can always apply over winter, and he can always turn them down come May. Remind him that. And remind him to do a ton of research, as that will help eliminate problems and the adjustment factor. Yes, it's going to be nerve-wrecking at some points. I know I love UVA, but the transfer fears do pop up every once in awhile. But he'll know if it feels right or not to move.</p>
<p>Good luck Shoebox at UVA. Going to miss you on the VT thread as you were very helpful answering questions.<br>
In retrospect, I think being happy at school definitely makes the experience more rewarding. I wish I had been more connected to the school I attend and not in such a rush to graduate. Did not feel connected to the school much at all, but I don't think we discussed this much back when I attended. There was no "fit factor" even put into consideration.</p>
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Being happy at your school results in better grades because you're not constatnly worrying about trying to have a good time.
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Like a lot of things, I think this depends on the individual personality. My observation is that this is not a real issue for my son. He has friends at his school, but very casual. He doesn't do as many social things as <em>I</em> would like, but I don't think he's bothered much by it at all. (Go figure). He's very frugal in his current location, which enables him to find cheap flights to his first school once or twice a term and visit. Like I said, I'd rather he handle things differently, but it's his life not mine.</p>
<p>I personally agree with all who say it's better to have a rewarding social experience at the school. I'm just saying that the "it will hurt your grades" part because you'll worry constantly about it may not be true in every case.</p>
<p>True. I see your point...Maybe I should phrase it more, if you're happy at your school you'll probably do better because you'll enjoy college-life and want to be active both in and out of school. It's kind of a wierd situation to explain, but I know plenty of people who do much better when they're more content with their school. There are probably plenty who do well either way. I just think it makes sense that if you're happy somewhere, you're going to do well, and probably better than somewhere you're unhappy.<br>
This all makes me think of the game Sims, which I used to play often (I decided against putting it on my school computer, simply because its a fun "when-you're-bored" game...i'll admit it, i'm a Sims fanatic =P or used to be, when there was nothing else to do after midnight curfew during the summer). In order to keep your Sim happy, three of the meters were "Fun", "Enviorment", and "Social". I think humans are the same way, in that you need not only "Knowledge", "Hygiene", "Bladder", "Hunger", and "Energy", but you need to be able to have fun, mingle with other people on a regular basis and have friends, and have an enviorment that you like, in order to succeed. My philosophy is simple: You only have a short time to live, so if something isn't right, change it. College is only four years, so you might as well make the best of it and be somewhere that will change you for the better.</p>
<p>Septembermom: feel free to PM with any questions =) I'll try to help as much as I can, especially with freshman life at VT.</p>