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<p>If you get into a top 20 school and your parents are paying, then go. One of the reasons these schools are so good is because they offer something for just about everyone, and the vast majority of students like them enough to stay and graduate.</p>
<p>I wonder if you could get them to research the program at Illinois. They could start by looking at this link: [Department</a> of Computer Science at Illinois](<a href=“http://cs.illinois.edu/]Department”>http://cs.illinois.edu/) and noting that they say the following:</p>
<p>Top 5 CS program
23 NSF Career Award Winners since 2000
Top NSF-funded research program
The #1 most wired college - PC Magazine, 2008
Top 25 program for entrepreneurship education, Entrepreneur magazine
Top 5 university in study-abroad programs</p>
<p>While much of this is about graduate programs, 23 NSF Career Award Winners can translate into a fair amount of funding or research opportunities for undergraduates (if that’s how they choose to use the funding).</p>
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<p>I agree with this strategy wholeheartedly in general when a kid is being pushed someplace – however, this kid needs to really have some parent-approved likelies in hand, because if you think the pressure on this kid to only go top 20 is insane, think how more insane the parents will be if he gets in none of these schools (whether self-torpedoed or not).</p>
<p>I really wish that the Asian communities already here would do a better job of informing the more newly-arrived folks that there are plenty of great schools here and that it’s not necessary to insist on top 20 or bust. What is there, culturally, that prohibits that from happening?</p>
<p>*I really wish that the Asian communities already here would do a better job of informing the more newly-arrived folks that there are plenty of great schools here and that it’s not necessary to insist on top 20 or bust. **What is there, culturally, that prohibits that from happening? ***</p>
<p>I think it’s because many of the 2nd/3rd gens also have this “elites only” attitude. Or, it’s because the “new folks” mostly cluster and socialize with other rather new immigrants.</p>
<p>Either way, it’s just a gross injustice to these kids who have to endure this almost-abusive pressure. These kids may not have any visible scars, but…</p>
<p>Odd story…my pre-med son had to go to an immunologist for extreme fire ant allergies. The doc (Asian) was very friendly and interested in my son’s future career and spent a good amount of time on that subject alone. He suggested a few SOMs for my son to apply to…a variety of reaches, matches, etc. However, when the subject came up about where his own med school son applied…guess what…he only let his son apply to the top SOMs. Son is now at UChi-Pritzker. I guess it’s ok for other people’s kids to apply to a variety of schools. lol</p>
<p>“I think it’s because many of the 2nd/3rd gens also have this “elites only” attitude.”</p>
<p>But how can anyone spend any length of time in this country with their eyes open and conclude that an elite degree is “necessary” for success? I mean, are these people blind? Do they not realize that the vast majority of economically successful people didn’t attend elite schools? Do they honestly, really think that if you drive down the street in a well-to-do neighborhood, all of those people are elite-school grads? After some time here, you don’t have the excuse of being naive.</p>
<p>Your success is just one part of the equation. Some (too many) Asian parents love to discuss with (or brag/compare) their friends where their kids go to schools, what they do, and even how much they make!</p>
<p>There’s a reason why Tokyo, Seoul, and Hong Kong have more boutique Louis Vuitton stores:</p>
<p>Hong Kong 7 (the flagship store has a line to get into the store, mostly because of newly rich shoppers travelling from Mainland China!!!)
Soeul 13
Tokyo 11</p>
<p>New York 7
Los Angeles 2</p>
<p>If you can only apply to super-selectives, then tell them that your safety has to be the local community college, followed by transfer to Rutgers (which is a perfectly good school for computer science and engineering).</p>
<p>Obviously, this suggestion will really annoy the prestige-at-all-costs types like your parents, but community college -> state flagship (and sometimes -> top PhD program in major) is not that unusual among immigrants and the children of immigrants.</p>
<p>Note: PhD study in computer science is usually funded with fellowships, research assistantships, and/or teaching assistantships. Medical school is very expensive, though.</p>
<p>My advice would be to avoid having the fight with your parents now about what school you will actually attend, and wait until you know what schools you are actually accepted to.</p>
<p>At this point, the issue is what schools you will apply to. Top 20 schools are very difficult to get admitted to, regardless of how good your stats are. Try to convince them to let you apply to schools across a range of selectivity levels. Include some Top 20-50 schools in there, those in-between Rutgers and the Top 20 schools in terms of selectivity. You will have to apply to more schools total than you may want to, which is some extra work on your part, but worth it. </p>
<p>Explain the advantages of the schools you are interested in. Pitt has a great med school, and lots of opportunities for pre-meds, and you might even be able to get some merit aid there. UNC is quite highly regarded, etc.</p>
<p>If there ever was an argument against rankings, this is it.</p>
<p>Tenors, you have my deepest sympathy. I hope your parents wake up, though I would not be too confident that will happen.</p>
<p>Then’s there the strategy of a strategic email to the admissions departments at certain colleges telling them that your parents are forcing you to apply but that you really don’t want to go there …</p>
<p>your parents are right for the most part, although many posters on here will disagree because they have an obsession with honors programs at state universities and don’t realize the life-long benefits of going to an elite university</p>
<p>quite frankly though, most of your criteria for choosing schools is ■■■■■■■■. let me analyze this for you:</p>
<p>“social atmosphere, extracurricular activities, and faculty that I appreciate”</p>
<p>every school has extracurricular activities and a social atmosphere that you will undoubtedly “appreciate.” it’s college, whatever school you decide to go to, you will have fun and make friends with people who share your interests. unless you are going to BYU, this won’t be a problem whatsoever. also, no offense, but your like sixteen or seventeen, your not applying to PhD programs, faculty is a nonissue, and I’m not really sure how you determined your ratings of faculty. if there is a particularly strong researcher or famous professor, as an undergraduate there is pretty much no chance that you will be able to collaborate or work together.</p>
<p>“I HATE Duke (UNC fan)”</p>
<p>choosing schools based on sports rivalries, lol. the last person I know who did that now works at the local mcdonalds</p>
<p>“strong pre-med/honors programs”</p>
<p>having a strong pre-med program, whatever that is, is irrelevant, and any school will give you the necessary preparation to apply to medical schools. medical school requirements- one year biology, physics, calculus, english, two years chem. also, honors programs at state universities in general are overrated, and many of the parents on this website who exalt them don’t know what they’re talking about because they have no firsthand experience</p>
<p>unless you’re paying for college on your own, you will have to follow your parents wishes, which honestly aren’t even that unreasonable–they are looking out for your future and want a successful child. it’s no coincidence that foreign-born parents frequently raise kids who succeed, they push their kids and sometimes have to make decisions for them that their kids resist but benefit them in the long run, this is a concept that most american parents don’t understand. so suck it up</p>
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<p>The parents’ definition of “top 20” may not necessarily be the 20 best schools for the student, particularly considering the student’s choice of major (it appears that computer science is the student’s primary interest).</p>
<p>Also, if the parentally approved list includes no safeties (for both admissions and cost), then the student may get “shut out” next April. (And parents like what the OP described may not like the idea of the default safety which is community college.)</p>
<p>yes i definitely agree with you on that point. two schools that the poster mentioned, notre dame and emory, would not be good choices for computer science
still though, the criteria that that the poster mentioned for choosing schools is ridiculous, and it seems that he is not completely sure of what he even wants to major in. factoring in that it is likely that he could change his major like many college students do, it would obviously be best to go to an elite school, ie. ivy leagues, stanford, Cal, UCLA, where the university is very strong in a wide variety of programs</p>
<p>Originally Posted by arkbro
unless you’re paying for college on your own, you will have to follow your parents wishes, which honestly aren’t even that unreasonable</p>
<p>You are totally missing the point. I don’t think anyone here is against the idea of this high-stats student attending an elite school…if admitted and he feels fine with the school.</p>
<p>The problem that the rest of us are having is that his parents are ONLY letting him apply to Top 20 schools…which are the hardest to get into. He may not get accepted to any! Worse, he might get accepted to one, but it may be one that he dislikes and his parents will force him to go! 
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<p>Some of us feel that since his parents won’t pay for a non-Top-20 school, then he needs to protect himself and apply to a school or two where his stats will get huge merit…in case he doesn’t get into a Top 20 that he likes. </p>
<p>And, yes, it is unreasonable to only allow your child to apply to Top 20 schools (or claim that they will only pay for Top 20 schools). That’s unreasonable and actually cruel. </p>
<p>Furthermore, it’s not like the Top 20 are all homogeneous in culture or strength. As some have noted, many aren’t that great in CS (the OP’s chosen major). To demand that a student only apply to Top 20 schools is an ignorant demand rooted in the misapprehension that they’re all fabulous in all majors. </p>
<p>Some (too many) Asian parents love to discuss with (or brag/compare) their friends where their kids go to schools, what they do, and even how much they make!</p>
<p>Exactly! It’s more about them then it is their child!!! Tell them to take the SAT and apply!!!</p>
<p>Yes, I’d suggest Georgia Tech over Emory and Purdue over Notre Dame for a student interested in CS. However, neither would likely pass the parents’ prestige test.</p>
<p>The parental restriction of applying only to “top 20” (USNWR ranked) schools means that there are no safeties other than the default of community college. That is probably the biggest problem with the parental restrictions (unless both the student and parents are fine with community college, but it does not appear that the prestige-obsessed parents would find that acceptable).</p>
<p>arkbro – Here in basketball-mad North Carolina (and you could probably add Kentucky and Indiana to that list), sports rivalries are a very acceptable reason for not wanting to go to a certain college! If we just had one great university, that would be one thing, but with four ACC schools (Carolina, Duke, State, and Wake) that are all strong academically, plus Davidson, you can’t go wrong by excluding one based on sports rivalries – unless you want a certain program that is only offered at the school you don’t like (for example, textile engineering).</p>
<p>You’re calling Tenors’ criteria “■■■■■■■■”? If this is how someone who believes one should go for the most “elite” university talks, I’d rather hang out with the less elite. </p>
<p>Personally, I find it refreshing that Tenors isn’t caught up in the “only go to what is considered elite by some” hype and that he/she is thinking about the specific program, environment, and quality of life that he/she would like in a college. That shows a lot of maturity. Understandably, though, Tenors is in a difficult situation with the parents, and it sounds as if that involves cultural expectations.</p>
<p>Tenors, I hope that you can find some place that will be acceptable to both you and your parents, and that you will grow to love it even if it’s not your favorite at first.</p>
<p>arkbro if you really think I’m ■■■■■■■■ for my criteria - which I didn’t even go in-depth enough to allow you to judge them - and you represent a student who’s attending an elite college/looking into an elite college, then you’ve just added another reason why I should feel more stressed about my parents. “Suck it up”? Really? Remind me to do my best to never see you in real life if that’s the first impression you’re giving me.</p>
<p>I’m going to try to talk to my mother about it today again, but I don’t think she’ll budge. It’s worth a millionth try, though.</p>
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<p>It’s a malady not restricted to Asians.</p>
<p>Unfortunately.</p>
<p>In today’s economy we have students protesting how much they owe in student debt. Some of these even think we should just default and/or forgive all student debt. (Welcome to Occupy Wall Street). </p>
<p>Based on this, </p>
<p>(1) Many students are graduating from schools which cost too much money and majored in something that doesn’t pay much to begin with; let alone their ability to get a job in today’s economy.
(2) For students to think that we should default on our student loans; they clearly need to go back to school and study some economics on what that would do to the economy. Let’s have another fiscal downturn. Sounds great.
(3) At the current price of a college education, it makes perfect sense to go to a top 20 university for many reasons. Namely, these universities offer, for the most part, excellent student financial aid. The education received at these universities, as well as the opportunities they provide are not superseded.
(4) Assuming your parents are paying for your college education - follow their logic. The economy is not very strong right now and it’s not currently predicted to come back very quickly. The price of education is astronomical. Unemployment is very slowly improving. They are, in fact, looking out for your better interests. And, for the most part going to a T20 will save you money, assuming you can be called a “needy” student. Even if not, some of these schools offer merit aid.
(5) These colleges are recognized throughout the US as the outstanding education institutions. And, lets face, your first job out of college will be determined by what your degree says.
(6) Given your stats, it’s highly likely that if you applied to a few T20’s, you would get into at least one.
(7) You’re going to college to get an education first and foremost. The sports, etc. all of that comes second. Yes, it’s great to have. But remember, you should be placing your primary focus on what will provide you with the best education and educational opportunities.</p>
<p>All of that said, especially if your parents are paying, I see no reason not to attend a T20. I would say that the top colleges in the US, about the top 35 or 40 are all excellent institutions. But, these schools do not offer the same financial aid as the T20.</p>
<p>Apply early (now) to Pitt and see what you get for merit aid. If you’re stats are strong enough to get into an Ivy, you have a strong shot at a full scholarship there. That will be a good safety for your situation and may allow you to be independent of your parents financially. My S is a freshman there at UHC and really loves the academics and environment so far.</p>