Very Confused...

<p>Ok, I am asian, and I am fairly qualified when it comes to stats (2330 SAT 3.9+ GPA UW). For as long as I can remember, my parents have been comparing me to their friends' children- other asian kids who have made it into various Ivies and other top schools.</p>

<p>Just recently, they suddenly told me that they don't want me applying to Ivies (!!!). They even told me to not apply to schools like Northwestern or Pomona, etc...</p>

<p>They say it's a money issue even though our family takes in 200k+ a year and have two houses worth $1M+, so I am thinking: have they given up on me?</p>

<p>All of high school, I feel like I've been running from invisible monster that will eat me up if I don't get into a good college, and now it's like my parents have told me that the monster doesn't exist, but I still feel like it's there. </p>

<p>They say they aren't willing to pay for these schools. What should I do? I've told my self countless times that it doesn't really matter what college I go to, but I feel these really bad things-- like I have to outperform my older sister who graduated from UCB (she got in quite casually). I feel like I need to apply to reach schools with big names so that I feel that I've taken advantage of all the hard work I've put in these 4 years :(. I know that's not what college is about, but I just feel like have to do it.</p>

<p>My parents are still allowing me to apply to Duke, Stanford (home state), WUSTL, and Rice because they offer merit scholarships, but it just feels wrong not applying to Penn and Brown (the two Ivies that I planned to apply to besides Harvard EA).</p>

<p>They may have major outgoings you don’t know about, or anticipate a change in financial circumstances they don’t want to explain to you in detail. If they can’t, or won’t, for whatever reason, pay the tuition for these colleges you won’t be going; and it’s quite right that they should tell you now before you apply and they have to disappoint you after getting in. You still look to have some great options.</p>

<p>I’d apply to their approved schools, and also to the schools on your own list. Then, when acceptances come, you can discuss your options with your parents. Good luck.</p>

<p>apply to the colleges they suggested, it’s not like you’ll have a better chance of getting a job if you went to stanford instead of harvard. sheesh. </p>

<p>200k a year plus properties that may or may not have mortgages does not mean they can blow 240k on just your college education. Did your sis get a decent scholarship, instate is much cheaper even without merit. How many kids in your family? At least your parents are smart enough to let you know before you apply.</p>

<p>Even with an of $200+ income it’s a lot of money. We gave our kids some stipulations that they could not apply to schools that our COA was over $40,000. We even feel that is too much when we are full pay.</p>

<p>We weren’t so smart with the first going off to college. While he did stay in the range, the college he attended didn’t give merit aid. However, for the second child we mentioned that she apply to schools that offer merit aid since our our EFC is still much higher. While you may not fully understand this change fom your parents. They are learning and dealing with what they feel is feasible for them now.</p>

<p>If you want to apply just to see if you get accepted. Then do it.</p>

<pre><code> I told my kid if he wanted to apply to a college where our EFC was well over the budget he was given (and we knew merit was very very unlikely) that he could pay the application fees himself.
</code></pre>

<p>With one already in college, they have probably come to their own personal realization that it isn’t worth spending a quarter million dollars on an education. Perhaps it jeopardizes their future, you have time to make your own future at many great colleges. The travel to those distant schools adds up over four years as well, plus the hassle of finding housing, moving you in across the country, etc. They may not want to deal with that. They could have lots reasons, it’s a lot of money even for those with a lot of money. It can be hard for those in the middle class to be stuck with paying full when people with no income send their kids for nothing or with a lot of aid. I know a lot of people saying enough is enough.</p>

<p>Lastly, I suppose they could see your sister got a good education at a more affordable choice and they are happy with that. Ivies aren’t everything, there are so many great schools. Good luck!</p>

<p>The above posters have given very good reasons why your parents may not want to shell out an extraordinary amount, even though they have a high income.</p>

<p>My question is why do you feel like you need to apply to more reach schools with big names? It’s not like Penn and Brown have exponentially better reputations/educations/name recognition than Stanford or Duke. Be grateful that your parents are telling you this now than after you’ve applied and gotten into a school your parents won’t pay for. Also, be grateful that your parents are helping you pay for school. Going to a great school with financial assistance from your parents is tons of compensation for all of your hard work.</p>

<p>Just from reading your post, it seems you are stressed by the competition and parents making the comparisons. Maybe they see that and want a less stressful experience for you. If there is one Ivy that seems to fit you, why not research it and convince your parents that it is a match for you.</p>

<p>Or the parents really don’t/can’t shell out $250K for college. You’re not an adult yet, so you probably don’t realize that an income of $200K+ a year doesn’t really go far in CA.</p>

<p>Also, Cal and the other UC’s are really good schools that can get you very far.</p>

<p>In fact, if you rank by alumni accomplishments, Cal is an Ivy-equivalent (roughly on par with Brown and UPenn):
<a href=“Ivy-equivalents - #31 by PurpleTitan - College Search & Selection - College Confidential Forums”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-search-selection/1682986-ivy-equivalents-p3.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Also, if you rank by median mid-career salary, Cal is below UPenn (no doubt helped by all those Wharton grads) but above Brown (<a href=“WSJ.com”>http://online.wsj.com/public/resources/documents/info-Salaries_for_Colleges_by_Region-sort.html&lt;/a&gt;)</p>

<p>So why pay twice as much to get just as far? </p>

<p>I feel like you should just talk with them. Like tell them why you are interested and why you are passionate towards those places. If you really want to go you’ll convince them. I also have asian parents and this is the best approach I’ve found; ask and clarify. Hope this helps.</p>

<p>Also, you shouldn’t think that the reward of working hard in HS is getting in to a prestigious school (when you become an adult, people will care much more about what you bring to the table than what school you went to).</p>

<p>The reward should be self-improvement and maybe saving some money.</p>

<p>In fact, ask your parents how much they’re willing to pay to send you to college. Then tell them, if it’s really a money issue, they should be willing to reimburse you a portion of what you save them, right? Ask them how much. Then knock off some APs and/or get some big merit scholarships to some places and earn yourself some money.</p>

<p>If it means that much, of course apply and ask your parents to pay the amount for their approved schools and take out loans for the rest.</p>

<p>@glasssculpture‌: Poor advice.</p>

<p>You seem unaware that there’s only a limited (small) amount of loan money that a student can take out by him/herself.</p>

<p>Yes, you are right. I realize your parents will not cosign.</p>

<p>This is very interesting and it certainly is more stressful when you hear all about other kids who got this scholarship and that recognition and attends big name xyz! It’s confusing when it feels like your parents want you to do those same things but back out when the time finally comes around. I’m in a similar situation, my mother always dreamed of me going to Harvard. I never really cared for the school but when I started talking about other expensive and name brand options she quickly dismissed the idea. It’s easier to hope and wish but when the realities of those schools approach it becomes a more daunting task. Just know that Ivies aren’t everything! </p>

<p>Hey @StanfordWow just wanted you to know that you should be really proud of your accomplishments…you’re going to do well no matter where you attend college. </p>