Is it messed up if I choose to not dorm in the LGBT living community?

I apologize in advance if this post seems kinda messed up.

My college has the option to dorm in special living communities, mostly in terms of major, but they also have a LGBT interest community. However, if you don’t dorm in a living community the roommate selection process is random with no preference form or sheet.

I myself am gay, but only out to a few people and not my dad, who’s my custodial parent and paying for most of my college. Coming out to him is also not an option. So it wouldnt be a pretty situation if it was move-in day and he comes and see’s I’m moving into the LGBT living area.

I don’t really want to live in the LGBT area because I find a large of the LGBT community to be annoying (again sorry if this comes off as rude). I’m not a big fan of feminine sounding or dressing guys (not that there’s anything wrong with that), and dont share the same ideals as a lot of the LGBT community does. And from what I’ve seen, a HUGE (large majority) of the LGBT living community is like this.

However, I don’t want to get a roommate that I end up making uncomfortable. No, I obviously wouldnt hit on my roommate and would do everything I could to make sure I was a good roommate. And yes, I know it’s 2019 and most people are accepting now, but that doesnt mean a straight guy would want to dorm with a gay person.

So would it be selfish and messed up to not join the LGBT living community?

No.Just beyond offensive.

TBH, based upon this post,you will be doing the LGBT community at the college a huge favor by not joining their living community.

Perhaps after you’ve matured another year (hopefully) and realize that all gay men are not feminine, do not have Barbra/Cher/Madonna comprising 90% of their music selections, enjoy sports, etc., then you may find your own group that may or may not include other members of the LGBT community.

Other than who we sleep with (and even then, we all have different types), there can be as many differences as commonalities among the LGBT community. Far many of us, being LGBT is but one small part of our being. Best of luck.

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Delete your 4th and 5th paragraph through edit while you can!

@skieurope

Not sure how that’s offensive lol. I never said there was anything wrong with it, I just said I don’t particularly enjoy it.

Surely you have some things you dislike. If you dont like baseball, is that offensive to everyone who plays baseball?

Edit (since you edited your post) : I apologize, since I clearly triggered you lol… that wasnt my intention. I never said that was the case, and yeah one of the things I always try and emphasize to people that your sexual preference isnt your identity.

However, this is a LGBT safe-space community so please think about it lol… a good portion of the people are going to fit the criteria that I mentioned. Additionally, if you continued to read my post you’d see that I also said that I’d seen their LGBT living center and that’s what I was basing my belief on.

Also, I didnt mean the LGBT community as a whole, I just meant my schools community, from what I’ve seen.

Like everyone else, you have a right to live where you feel most comfortable. I hope you get along well with your future roommate.

My brother in law is gay and describes himself in almost exactly the same terms as you. And he’s 50. He’s led a sad and closeted life - although he now has a partner with whom he is happy and is slowly coming to terms with himself and his sexuality.

I understand it’s the “I don’t want to be a part of that club” that makes you say the “rude” things you said. And that message obviously comes from your family and others around you. I get it. I love my brother in law very much but he has the exact same attitude. Hopefully, you won’t feel the need to lead the same sad and shameful life he has and will grow and mature into a man who is comfortable with his sexuality and with others in the LGBT community.

Live in the dorm you need to live in. If you’re not ready to come out, you’re not. There’s nothing wrong with not living in an LGBT dorm - I don’t think you’d be happy there. But I do hope that you come to terms with yourself and your family soon.

Surely you can see the weakness in your analogy.

OP, sounds like @skieurope reinforced your opinion. I also don’t understand where offense can be taken with your opinion.

As a parent, I don’t think many other parents would have any issue with you rooming with their sons. I would suggest, if possible, that you make your future roommate aware of this long before moving in just so there aren’t any surprises.

To the OP, you can choose whatever community you want to live in! I did not consider your comments rude, but they were offensive and unnecessary. I hope your college years provide plenty of opportunities for you to learn and grow to accept yourself.

If you don’t want to live in the LGBT dorm, then do not choose it.

TBH, based upon this post,you will be doing the LGBT community at the college a huge favor by not joining their living community.

That was rude. You yourself said “Being LGBT is but one small part of our being”. Let’s make room for letting people celebrate their differences. Some members of the LGBT community and a little more militant than others and those choosing to live in the LGBTQ community probablly fall in that group on this campus. OP does not have to if it’s outside his comfort zone. Live and let live.

I am continually amazed at the type of questions that are embraced by the CC community and the type are attacked.

To the OP - you should choose your dorm like any other other student should choose. Look at all the possibilities and rank them according your preferences. Best wishes.

@LittleLiam You should live where you are comfortable. I second being honest with your roommate as that would be the considerate and respectful course of action. College is hopefully a time of growth and discovery and I genuinely hope you enjoy your time there. A friend’s son goes to a well known LAC and on the roommate preference sheet the student can indicate if they mind sharing a room with an LGBTQ student. Hopefully your school does too which would minimize any conflicts with a potential roommate. Good luck!

I’m not suggesting that the OP live outside his comfort zone. There is no expectation from me that he needs to walk around campus waving a rainbow flag.

I also need to point out that the OP (quite rightly) edited most of the more offensive comments out of his post after I (and several other users) called him out on it, which makes my original comments come across as harsh out of that context. That said, I stand by my original comments to his unedited post. If an AA student (as just one of several possible examples) had made similar unedited negative stereotypical comments about the AA community, he would have been justly pilloried.

But to answer the crux of his question - he should live where he is comfortable. Some students love LLCs; others want no part. Either way is fine. You need to do what is right for you.

A lot of people do not want to live in LLCs. My daughter did not want to (theater) because she didn’t want to spend that much time with a small group, and in her case most of the people in the LLC would also be in her classes, in her clubs, going to the same events. For her, it was the right choice.

It is not a big deal not to live in a community at most schools. People did it for many years.

@skieurope “Additionally, I’m not feminine, play sports, and dont do anything that would stereotypically lead anyone to think I’m gay.” was what I took out.

Please notice how I said “steriotypically”. It’s time for you to calm down

I see no problem with choosing not to be labeled and wanting to be treated like everyone else. That’s often what disaffected group ask for. It baffles me why people find this offensive.

OP, as nearly everyone else has said, live wherever you feel comfortable. I would also add that it is especially not a good choice to live in an LGBT community if it isn’t safe/feasible to come out to your dad. There would be too many opportunities for him to find out. Some people find a safe haven in LGBT communities, others prefer to not be restricted in their friend groups and living arrangements. I understand not wanting to feel limited to stereotypes or perhaps feeling like your worldview doesn’t fit in with this particular community of people. There’s nothing offensive or wrong about that. Good luck!

You should choose the dorm arrangement you are most comfortable in. Do not let others pressure you into conformity. What matters is you have a successful college career - you are there to learn and grow into adulthood.

Stereotypes are often based on the *most visible/i members of the group, even if those most visible ones are an unrepresentative small minority of the group overall.