@Ajpat123, how do you feel about it? Does it feel over the top to you or is it comforting to have that contact? Every family is different and no one should tell you what is normal and what its over the top. If you are ok with it, 2-3 calls a day at this point in time works for you. If, however, you would like to create a bit more distance, I think it’s a good idea to set a schedule with your parents, explaining that you are busy with classes and activities. Offer to call or facetime once or twice a week and send periodic texts and/or emails. My guess is that the frequency of contact will naturally shift as you both make the transition to a new “normal.”
It really varies. I know some parents who talk to their kids in college at least daily, some multiple times a day. To me that is overkill. I generally speak to my kids at least once a week – more often if something is going on that they wanted to discuss. They would also text me now and again.
I grew up in the dark ages when college students would call home once a week during the weekend when the rates were cheaper. But remembering that, I don’t want to use the fact that we have cellphones to overload my kids with calls from home. Part of going to college is breaking away and becoming independent.
It’s been barely 24 hours, so the parents aren’t calling “2-3 times a DAY”. They called 2-3 times just for today, and it’s probably not going to happen every single day from now on. Our D and her dad and I talked back and forth several times after we dropped her off to smooth out details of textbook rentals, to send X from home, etc. Then orientation got into full swing and we barely heard from her. Once classes started, the schedule changed again and now we talk about every other day-but with her as the one to start the call, unless there’s something important she needs to know or we need to ask.
But as you can see from the above answers, everyone is different. My mom called her mom every weekend until she died. My sister lived in the same town and talked to Mom daily. I was somewhere in the middle. I’m sure my D and I will work something out that we’re both comfortable with. We’re very close and she still calls a lot, but it’s only been 2 weeks. I don’t expect that to last-but maybe it will. There is no “normal”.
My parents knew that we didn’t have the closest of relationships since I am a pretty independent person and they respected my space. I only text them when I need something and they only text me when they need to know something and works pretty well. My family never really was the lovey dovey type and know if I ask something like “Did my dog eat enough this week?” means that I was thinking about home.
My kids and I talked everyday while they were in college, sometimes more often. More often than not, they called me. I always thought it was funny that when I call them sometimes, I could be a bother, especially when it was inconvenient for them. But when they wanted to talk to me, they would track me down - call of my office land line, my personal cell phone, work cell phone and sometimes my assistance. Why? Because their calls were very important.
I think each family is different. My wife called my son everyday after we dropped him off his first year. I had to tell her to let him spread his wings and stop calling him so often. I would call him every Sunday for a quick chat and that was it. I had a co-worker who talked to her daughter 4 times a day. It worked for them so who was I to argue.
Reading this made me think about something sad (and funny) at the same time when I was an entering Freshman many moons ago. FYI: I’m completely comfortable in any and all social settings so I found little to no difficulty transitioning from my midwest, large urban school district to my east coast college. I made friends quickly and never felt out of place. I frankly was having the time of my life when I first arrived. So much to do and to experience. I’d call home once a week to catch up. Let them know about new things, see how things were going on at home. Near Thanksgiving, at the end of one of these phone calls, my older brother got on the line. This was unheard of – we just didn’t chat on the phone – EVER. He told me that while I was having a ball at college, my mom was practically crying every night at the dinner table (since I was the first child to leave home). Boy, did I feel like a heel because I really didn’t miss home much at all!
I tried to be very sensitive (and extra loving) to my mom when I saw her at Thnxgiving.
For the parents of freshmen, know that when your kids return home over Thxgivng break, they may inadvertently say “Oops I left so-and-so at ‘home’” and they’re referring to their dorm room-- not your house. Don’t be offended. I did that several times w/o thinking…
@T26E4 , why did your post make me get something in my eye?
I’m guessing the OP is probably going to be too busy to come back and check this thread much, but that’s ok, they’re doing what they should be doing as a freshman-getting out there and enjoying it!
Same goes for their mom-I’d start letting every other call go to voicemail, at the very least. Wean her off of you as gently as possible. You don’t need to answer every call. Get her used to texting you instead of calling-it’s another way of creating more emotional space.
You could always say what my kid said the first time she went to sleepaway camp: “Mom, if I were dead, someone would call you.”
Thanks, kid.
My son has been gone since Saturday. We haven’t talked live since but we have had many text conversatoins, one of which lasted an hour and was initiated by him at 10:15 pm on Sunday night with “I don’t think I can stay here”. Boy was that a doozy. Fortunately things have improved since then. I don’t expect to talk to him more than once a week live but definitely do expect much more frequent texting either initiated by him (e.g., today he wanted my Amazon username/password to buy books and to tell me that he has a 65 year old gentleman in one of his classes) or by me.
@T26E4 Kudos to your mom for not making you feel bad about having a great college experience!
That first week might be harder on parents than on students, who have many things that have to be taken care of right away. Some of us parents drive hours to home by ourselves, walk into an empty house, and it hits! Try to go easy on Mom, at least for the first week. I know my D and I talked several times over the first few days and very quickly got into a Sunday am schedule that worked best for her. She’d usually call while eating breakfast those first few months, yes months, before she found anyone to share the morning meal with her, and it comforted her to be on the phone. Its a big transition for everyone. Have fun!
"For the parents of freshmen, know that when your kids return home over Thxgivng break, they may inadvertently say “Oops I left so-and-so at ‘home’” and they’re referring to their dorm room-- not your house. Don’t be offended. "
I admit it. When my kid changed his FB status to “Lives in (XXXX college city)” I got a little verklempt!
There is no “normal.” Everyone is different. I liked @3girls3cats answer. If you are comfortable, great. If you feel that the calls are disruptive to your ability to socialize or be independent, be honest with them and set a plan for when to speak with them.
See my post above, but I would add this:
If your concern is your independence, that’s one thing. But if your concern what is ‘normal’ or what others will think, don’t give that another thought. Do what works for you and your family. Everyone is different.
But never fear: there are other families who enjoy daily calls. Personally, when I went to college, long distance calls were not yet free. So at first my parents and I agreed to talk only Saturday mornings at 10 a.m. to save money. That resolve lasted only one semester, before I started calling them daily. I wanted the contact. But usually I was the one to make the calls, so they did not interrupt me when I was busy with friends or schoolwork.
My son is not in college yet, but many of the college-aged children of teachers in my school are in daily contact with their parents via texting, Skyping, or calling; texting seems most popular.
During her first year at college, my husband and I actually talked to my daughter probably no more than four or five times total. Probably only once during the spring semester and not at all during the 12 weeks she was gone over the summer.
BUT (and it’s a big but), we text a LOT. Every day. Usually several times a day. For reasons that have nothing to do with her, my husband and I are sort of sensitive about knowing that she’s okay, so the only rule is that she has to respond in some way in a timely fashion. Sometimes it’s a basic “proof of life” text. Sometimes it’s giving advice or telling us what’s going on in her classes. Sometimes it’s an ongoing political discussion.
I like texting because it allows her (and my husband and me) to respond when it’s convenient and to the extent that makes sense at the time. We keep in touch but the pressure is definitely less than would be true if we were talking or facetiming. We’ve found a balance of intimacy and independence that works for us. (Or at least for me and my husband.)
Give it time, and I’m sure you’ll find that balance yourself.
We talk to D1 on the phone maybe once or twice a month, but we text almost daily. Maybe you can get them to switch to text.
I second @SouthernHope in that it’s good someone cares about you enough to bug you to death 
When our D16 goes to college in a couple of years I’d love to get a “status” text once a day from her to keep track of how things are going, at least initially. I’d expect that to taper off as she gets into the regular schedule.
Try to text your parents a few times a week to let them know you are alive and OK. Our kids texted photos once and awhile which was even nicer, especially when they were overseas.
Too many phone calls.
NO disrespect at all for feeling this is, as many posted- far too many phone calls. Your parents need to adjust to the fact that you are an adult away from home and not bug you. Once per week you should set up a time for phone call/Skype session- whichever works. You control the length of time- less than 5 minutes can be enough if you are busy. Remind your parents they can send you information, weekly updates about home via email. Then you can read them at your convenience.
As a mother of a son it was good to know son was okay every week. Now, we supposedly have an every two week phone call at a convenient time for him- 3 hour time zone difference means his late Saturday morning is in the middle of our Day, sigh.
Do not feel guilty for not being available most of the time- you have a life. Remember that you control what you tell them. My son could give lessons on evading answering questions he did not want to answer! Parents, I know we want to know so much more than our kids want to/should tell us. We can’t live a vicarious life. Different stage in life than when a child at home.
It is a good idea to answer requests for travel details- including when to be picked up for breaks.