Is it normal or acceptable to be 27 and never had a girlfriend or kissed

[TrueDaniel]

I’ve been diagnosed with Asperger’s and never had any luck with dating. I was considering paying for my first time since I don’t have faith that I’ll ever find someone.

I recently left my church community and don’t know if God exists because autism never goes away. I was a math major and know data analysis but can’t find a position in the data science field because it’s extremely competitive.

[TrueDaniel]

Who can help here?

[compmom]

What have you tried to find a dating partner? Church? Online? School ?

I do know some young people your age who have not found anyone. I truly understand. Many people are lonely, COVID has also affected options for meeting. Asperger’s can feel like an obstacle. Would you consider working with a coach?

The job issue is separate but also difficult. Have you worked with career services at your school? How do you go about a job search? Again, a coach might help with applications and interview prep.

I wish you luck! And don’t forget that COVID is a factor. Many young people have basically lost two years. I know my kids have.

[NYMom122]

Fully agree that the last 2 years have made social life exceedingly difficult for many young adults. You are not alone and I hope you can give yourself a break. There are just fewer opportunities to meet people during a pandemic. Have you used dating sites? Some are specifically for folks on the spectrum and those could be a good place to start. If you don’t find someone right away, it’s okay, just give it some time.

Re jobs–also agree that a job coach could be a good thing. Once again the pandemic has closed us off and everything is harder–interviews included. Or ask a family friend to help you practice for interviews. I have helped young people prep for interviews… but you have to be open to hearing suggestions, make those changes, and keep practicing. In the meantime, I also know a few recent grads that have taken positions far outside their intended fields, maybe not even using their degrees, until the right opportunity presents itself.

You’ll get there!!

[MWolf]

You asked the same question almost exactly a year ago. I will repeat what I wrote back then:

@MWolf

There is no such thing a “normal” in these things. So many factors will determine whether a relationship will take off, that it is not uncommon for somebody to start their romantic life a bit later than others.

You are likely a late blossomer, and the fact that you are on the autism spectrum likely had a negative impact on your romantic life. What you really need to do is to figure out how to work with what you have.

People with ASD do have romantic partners and have a love life. However, like every other thing in your life, unfortunately, things are going to be more difficult. Like with everything else in your life, you need to figure out if and how being ASD has affected your love life, and, like everything else, figure out how to manage it.

Luckily, the internet is your friend. I am sure that there are websites with helpful tips and strategies,

Dating apps are a great way to go, and you should check out Hiki (hikiapp dot com).

Looking at your other threads, I will repeat the most important piece of advice - look for advice on dating for ASD people. The strategies which you have tried, according to your posts, are strategies that work for neurotypical people, and are very likely not very useful for you. You should really start looking for dating advice for ASD people, and it is best if it is from somebody who actually understands who you are.

You wrote about a dating coach on another thread. Based on what you wrote, it didn’t work, and I think that it is because it was tailored to neurotypical people. It was like trying to teach somebody who is tone deaf how to attract a romantic partner by serenading them. It doesn’t matter how many music lessons that person will have, or how many hours they put into practice, it won’t help. Their time and money should be spent on learning other ways to be attractive as a romantic partner.

So go and look for advice from people who actually actually do understand what you can and cannot do, and will provide you with advice on how to work with that.

I will also repeat - there is no “normal” age to start dating. There is no “normal” age to have your first relationship. It doesn’t say anything about your desirability as romantic partner.

Good luck!

I will reiterate - look for dating sites that are geared towards ASD people.

@TrueDaniel

I was a math major and know data analysis but can’t find a position in the data science field because it’s extremely competitive.

I’ll also second what @NYMom122 wrote - get a job coach, and, like with dating, get one who who works with people who are ASD. Otherwise, it’s like trying to run a gasoline car on diesel. You’re wired differently, and therefore need different strategies than somebody who is neurotypical.

Again, good luck!