<p>I would have him contact the roommate now. Explain the situation and say that he thinks it might be less disruptive for both of them if he and his sleep paraphenalia are in the smaller room but he is open to other options. Allow the roommate to have input and perhaps suggest a trial period. I would bet the roommate agrees. I know my boys are easygoing and wouldn’t have a problem with allowing your S to have the smaller room. </p>
<p>BTW-My H has sleep apnea and uses a CPAP so I understand your concerns. Good luck.</p>
<p>I think some of the rather harsh responses the OP has gotten reflect the concerns of parents whose kid could be the roommate here. We all want our kids to have good experiences as they start college, and there’s an adjustment factor for every single one of them. Living in new and often cramped surroundings with a stranger (or several strangers) is a big challenge for every college freshman. I had a visceral reaction when I read that the OP’s son’s own physician recommended that he not have a roommate at all, but that the family rejected that recommendation so that S could “experience normal social growth.” As part of that “normal social growth,” the son should be discussing his physical needs with the roommate. Parents should not be involved in the discussion. If the OP’s son were to be my child’s room mate, I would be quite anxious both about my child’s potential role in having to accommodate the young man’s physical/emotional difficulties and about his parents’ potential to interfere in the process.</p>
<p>I agree with what most people have said so far, to wit: (a) if the OP’s level of concern is this strong, it was selfish and inconsiderate to reject the doctor’s advice, (b) the OP’s son should have started talking to the roommate about this already, (c) the OP should minimize her involvement in the process.</p>
<p>As a matter of roommate etiquette, what I remember from these kinds of doubles is (1) it is common but not universal for the first one to show up to take first dibs rather than wait to discuss it or adopt some fair allocation method, and (2) it is nearly universal to agree that whatever the initial allocation is it will switch for second semester. Not everyone in fact switches, because it may turn out (as in this situation) that there are good, objective reasons for a permanent allocation, but since no one really knows that for sure ex ante everyone agrees to a switch at the outset.</p>
<p>YES…the college will be accommodating in most cases IF the student asks in a timely fashion. This student didn’t…from the OP.</p>
<p>In any event…I agree that this discussion should take place without the parents. If the parents want their kiddo to have a “regular college experience”, they need to also understand that the PARENTS dealing with issues is not what usually happens (except when there is a mistake on the bill:)</p>
<p>It sounds like it was the son, and not so much the parents, who wanted the normal college roommate experience. (OP - “His sleep doctor had suggested he get a single, but my son didn’t want that because he thought having a roommate would be part of the normal social growth in freshman year.”)</p>
<p>I agree with the majority that your son should contact the roommate to ask if he has a room preference. Hopefully, the other boy won’t mind taking the other room. My kids would not have a problem with accommodating a roommate, but they’re both very good sleepers. Someone mentioned that the other roommate may have his own reasons for wanting the room in the back, so if your son just grabs that room the other boy may want to trade between semesters. This needs to be worked out before the move in date. Good luck, and I hope it works out.</p>
<p>According to the OP, it was the son, not the parents, who desired to have a roommate and have the normal college experience. Yes, it is important to think about the impact ont he roommate, but its possible the roommate has his own isues as well, and hopefully they can work things out.</p>
<p>When my older s was a freshman, a friend of his had a roommate who apparently decided to take himself off his antidepressants, and within the first few weeks of school it sounds like, from what I heard second hand, the poor kid possibly had a psychotic episode. He threatened a suitemate with a knife and barricaded himeslf in his room. My s and his friend were trying to intervene while having to get the RA and college masters (residential college) to handle the emergency. Kid went home and never returned.</p>
<p>Younger s had a roommate last year who didnt shower very often-- or claimed he did but apparently not very effectively. It was a small room, they were both messy and it smelled! I gave my s one of those automatic air freshener dispensers that pumps a scent every 30" or so into the air as a holiday gifty last Dec. It was his favorite gift! (that roommate will be sharing a room with the other suitemate this year in a 2 room suite sharing a bathroom. Hope they keep the door closed!)</p>
<p>College is a time for these young people to learn to work out their “issues”. At this point, it doesn’t matter if the OP’s son should have requested a single; he didn’t want to so didn’t. I strongly agree with the comments to have him contact the roomate and share his situation and give the roomate a chance to air his. My d will be in a triple and was really scared of a top bunk; the 3 roomates have all emailed each other and worked it out without any intervention from parents and prior to arriving.</p>
<p>Talk to the housing dept; my DD who has insomnia was able to get a single her first year and that worked wonderfully. No reason her restlessness should keep any one else up</p>
<p>Most parents, especially on this board, would like to be PC about this, but in reality most first comers do grab the best stuff. Most of the time people don’t care. When my kids had to room with someone (summer camp or college), if we were early my kids would pick better bed or desk, not going to lie. Now, I would always advise them not to always pick the best of everything, and leave some for the roommate. </p>
<p>In OP’s case, the son has a special need. The son wants to impose his personal “issue” on the roommate without roommate’s knowledge. The fact OP’s son never even mentioned to his roommate over the summer, so the roommate could have a chance to decide if he is willing to share a room with someone like that, AND the parents think the solution maybe to show up super early so their son could pick THE room to acommendate his “issue” is not right.</p>
<p>At this point, I would let your son discuss it with his roommate on the move in day and let them decide what they want to do.</p>
<p>Just a thought…I’m the parent of a son and a daughter. My son NEVER contacted his roommates prior to move in. It just wasn’t on his radar screen to do so for any reason.</p>
<p>DD OTOH…had extensive contact with her roommates. </p>
<p>I’m wondering if the OP is feeling the need to intervene because the kiddo won’t.</p>
<p>Regardless…the parent should take a step back and let the college kids sort this out.</p>
<p>For the record…DD had an awful roommate situation her freshman year (after the first roommate…who she had communicated with…chose to move to a different dorm). DD was not very assertive and it was not a pleasant situation for her. She was across the country and I really wanted to speak to someone about it. I didn’t and she wouldn’t. Oh well…</p>
<p>DS always got the top bunk, smallest bed, most crowded area (at college or camp) as he was smaller than his roommates.</p>
<p>I believe this school just released dorm/roommate assignments, hence the lack of prior communication with roommate.</p>
<p>The reactions to the OP seem a bit strong and unwarranted. He was not saying that the world should stop to accomodate his kid but rather asking how to handle choosing rooms. It sounds as if the kid is taking care of his own business and the parents want to know how to advise him. He has some special factors to consider but it doesn’t sound to me like he isn’t willing to consider the roommate’s feelings or the OP wouldn’t have asked for advice.</p>
<p>I would have the S email or facebook or call and ask if he and his CPAP machine can have the smaller room. And bring along the CPAP machine. Then see how it goes. If you just received notification of roommate, and cannot reach as everyone is en route, try to get there first and move into the smaller bedroom with the CPCP machine, and explain when roomie arrives. If roomie gets there first, have him discuss with roomie and show and tell the CPAP unit. If it doesn’t go well and sleep interferes with studies, get the doc to write about how sleep issues are interfering with studies and ask for a single room.</p>
<p>If you asked for no special accommodations before, then all you can do is have son ask the roommate and they work it out.</p>
<p>Oldfort nailed it. Usually someone ends up taking something and leaving something when it becomes a first choice thing. But in this case, I think the OP is worried that his son WONT ask for anything and end up getting sick in the process.</p>
<p>I understand the last minute “buyers remorse” of perhaps not insisting the son go with the single room, instead of having the second thoughts now. I can also understand why the son is hesitant to spill all his sleep issues onto a unsuspecting and completely unknown to him roommate. Just think about how he is to lay it out without coming off as needy in some way. So… in fairness to the OP AND his son, I can understand why he would want a game plan in place before going to school, especially if the son feels like it would be considered “lame” of him to be insistent about anything. After all, my son would rather curl up and die than ask anything of these guys who 1) he then has to live with all year and 2) are hopefully going to be his first “friends.”</p>
<p>If the rooms are clearly both rooms are to be used as sleeping, obviously one roommate loses some privacy. I honestly think there will be no problem in the end, but the son could probably use a template of how to explain somehting he’d like for the roommate to consider, while avoiding coming off as a medical case that needs treated. I am NOT saying this is what this is, I am only trying to think like a 18 year old kid who is facing an entirely new living and learning situation and wants to also be liked.</p>
<p>It might be a nice gesture on the part of your son to arrive with one of those “white noise” machines as a gift to his new roommate. I attempted to share a hotel room with my sister in law and her breathing machines drove me nuts. I ended up getting a different room.</p>
<p>It will all work out with the roommate, but from what you have said I would be more concerned with the dorm noises bothering your son.</p>
<p>Your son wanted a roommate. Since you say that he “learned that he will be in a 2 bedroom double”, he must have initially expected that it was quite possible that he would be in a 1-room double.</p>
<p>Clearly he expected to be able to make that work. Sounds like the concerns are much more yours than his. I’m not criticizing that… you would not be the first POS (parent of son) to anticipate situations that our sons can’t be bothered to anticipate. :)</p>
<p>Regardless, he wanted to be “regular”, not to be "singled out’ requesting a medical single. Nothing of his special needs sounds earth shaking to me in terms of his needs (liking to fall asleep to audio books is not a “special need” imo, for example). Having sleep apnea can be a major issue, of course… but since your son believes he can room with someone and navigate this issue… let him do so. </p>
<p>It might be better if your S has the larger, outer room if he gets up a lot. That way he would not disturb the roommate with his comings and goings. For all you know, the roomie goes to sleep at 8pm and never moves a muscle until 9 am next morning.</p>
<p>Let them work it out. Or let him and his MD contact school re escalated need for a single.</p>
<p>My prediction: your S will do FINE; better than you expect. Don’t worry; be happy :).</p>
<p>BUT: to answer your actual question… some roommates definitely operate on the first-come, first-served principal, taking the better bunk/side/room if they get there first. The kinder, considerate roommates do not do that. If your S wants to start off on the best foot, he’d handle it a little differently from that. OTOH, he might get there first, make his choice and find that his roommate is a laissez-faire, “Whatever!” type and live happily ever after.</p>
<p>CPAP is a reason to sleep separately. Son of a respiratory therapist was fortunate when roommate with it moved. My H loves me but not the machine. I do not like it, don’t like white noise and would resent being told to use a white noise machine by a roommate. Too late now for a single probably, but at least a separate room sounds best. Remember that it is your adult son’s job to interface with all things at his school. All you can do is give him suggestions on how to deal with issues. BTW, not all people with obstructive sleep disorders are obese.</p>
<p>One of the hardest things for parents of young adults to do is to let go. You will need to ignore this issue and let your son and his roommte resolve it themselves. Remember- it is their problem, not yours. </p>
<p>My experience is that it is first come, first served regarding who gets which amenities (hard to think of dorms having any)- I’m tall and one year had a taller roommate, darn, when it came to cubbies and towel bars. Declined the matching purple bedspread one year. Put up with a huge refrigerator in front of the window without being offered to share. Suffered through wall clutter in half of a room- including that hairy nude poster of the '70’s. Let a speaker be on my dresser. Four years of compromises in dorms, but better than commuting or all of those years sharing a room with my sister. Would not have put up with CPAP, though- it took me a while to adjust to my own machine.</p>
<p>How much noise do CPAP machines make?
And as for the white noise machine – I don’t have sleep issues and indeed can fall asleep with lights on and TV on if need be, but I would be aggravated if someone brought a white noise machine into a small dorm room. That would interfere with my sleep.</p>
<p>I like JHS’ idea of suggesting that they do it one way for the first semester, and then see if they want to do it the other way for the second semester.</p>
<p>Perhaps I missed this, but could it be set up so that both boys share the bedroom truly only for sleeping, and if someone’s awake, that person is in the other room for studying, watching TV, etc.?</p>