<p>HA! For all my talk about communication, I think Twisted nailed it when it comes to boys. Son’s roommates are all traveling across the country (most flying), so the idea of bringing stuff to college isn’t really up for discussion. But then I asked S if he told roommate he was coming in early for athletics… and s said he “assumed” he knew. Now I hope I’ve raised a kid who would also be fair and I agree that to just sit around and wait is inconsiderate to yourself! So… he’ll unpack and hopefully it will be pretty clear that the dibs on the bed or whatever will be simple enough. I am now insisting he at least give the guy a heads up. PLUS, we’ll have a whole day ahead of the curve to do whatever is needed so his parents don’t have to.</p>
<p>Frankly, I think their boys’ bigger issues will be how to use the lounge area (6 guys to a suite). Will they agree to make it the hall hangout or will it be a source of contention about who can hang out in there and when. Boys however can usually work this stuff out with nary a word. And I know very few guys who hold a grudge.</p>
<p>As usual, a very simple OP post turned into a cluster ****. My D attends the school where the OP is at and says no big deal. Op just needs t0 communicate his needs and moves into the room… My D this year is moving into a 6 person suite. They each know who is in each room, but have not even entertained the thought of these things. D knows that her room is “big ass room” but other than that, her and her roomie have not have conversations about it. D will be there about a week before the other girl, but seriously, do you all think two students can’t converse and work it out? If not, bring in the RA as a mediator. This is not rocket science.</p>
<p>Sorry, but I don’t think the original post was that simple. The OP was describing a two room suite, very different from a right-or-left side scenario. That’s not something to decide unilaterally. </p>
<p>Yes, pizzagirl, the solutions SHOULD be obvious, but it sounds like there’s a lot more entitlement than common going on in some of these stories. If you’re going to expect your roomate to put up with your audiobooks, then maybe you shouldn’t also expect him not to play his music. If you really really don’t want a top bunk, be prepared to do some major compromising on the rest of the room.</p>
<p>Oh, I agree - when it comes to the OP, I think that the son absolutely needs to communicate upfront with the roommate about his sleep issues instead of just going in and taking the private bedroom. </p>
<p>Because even if there were no issues about the size / style of the room (that is, it was just a “pick left or right” situation) – it’s not fair to spring on a roommate that one has special conditions for sleeping that are out of the norm. BTW, my D has had sleep issues and she will undoubtedly face this, though to a lesser extent (she just practices good sleep hygiene and takes melatonin).</p>
<p>But, as these always do, these issues morphed into a discussion of students without such situations and whether it was always necessary for them to wait around for hours for the roommate to arrive to pick out what they wanted.</p>
<p>Well, yeah. How does that differ from what I posted? Isn’t that what I was saying? How is the below “entitlement”? Entitlement would be “I took the big dresser and the big closet, and too bad for you.”</p>
<p>I don’t think anyone advocated “waiting around for hours for the roommate to arrive” before making decisions in a straightforward left=right kind of room. Some people will arrive earlier. Some will arrive later. This does not necessarily indicate either being pushy in the first case or lazy in the latter, but a simple matter of logisitics. The posts seem to pretty much come down on the side of, make some decisions if they aren’t too egregious and be prepared to compromise. Maybe we can move on and let our kids move in!</p>
<p>I did seem to recall that some posts came down on the side that it was courteous and respectful to wait, and pushy not to, even if it was a left/right room or a room in which the differences were minor. However, I’m too lazy and entitled to go look up post #'s.</p>
<p>So…back to the original question. Is it appropriate to take the “best” bed if you get there first! My d is doing final orientation and moves into her dorm one day before her roommates. She is in a triple. One bunk bed and one single. It would seem crazy not to take the single bed. Will this cause friction with her roomies. Has anyone heard of switching beds mid-semester to be fair-everyone taking a turn. Apparently there are 3 desks and 3 closets since it was designed to be a triple but still someone is stuck on a top bunk and someone sleeping below.</p>
<p>^^^ As many have said, why doesn’t she just email/text message/facebook the roomies and tell them she is going to get settled in but is totally open to revisiting the arrangement when they all arrive? This is not a big deal, really. DS moved in yesterday. We got there ahead of his roommate (this is soph yr- they are friends from last year), brought all his stuff up and put it… wherever (it is a small room). Roommie arrived and ds helped him move his stuff in. They talked about who would take which bed but ended up switching when roommate’s mo (a designer/decorator) suggested a different way to arrange the room (the beds had been in an “L” shape against the walls, but they ended up putting them in parallel which meant that one had only the head against the wall and the rest was next to the window and a/c). They were more concerned about the placement of the tv.</p>
<p>I dont know who picked which desk (the one closer to the window has a messed up top drawer which will be a pain if they dont get it fixed better than the poor repair job that was currently done, but I’ll bet they don’t bother), and there is only one closet, which they will share. There is a sink in the room, with one small towel rack, and they share the toilet/shower area with the room on the other side (this is considered a 2 room suite).</p>
<p>The 4 guys were friends last year and all plan to share stuff (they were in and out of each other’s rooms as we unpacked as my s has a fridge and we had snacks and drinks, which came in handy in the heat yesterday) etc. We were happy to share. It was all a non-issue. We went out to dinner with roommate and his family last night and it was lovely. </p>
<p>Bottom line, it is very easy to be considerate and curteous, while also getting settled in and extablishing a good relationship with the roommate. In the OP’s example, someone is going to get the more desired, smaller room. Switching mid year is a perfectly reasonable solution. It is reasonable to email the roommate (or call), say something like" as I am here and I have some sleep issues, I am going to go ahead and take the smaller room for now, but I am totally open to revisitinng this when you get here and/or switching rooms mid year if you prefer. I am looking forward to a great year with you" or something like that. No need to create drama when it is easily addressed, IMO.</p>
<p>pohsmom: as long as your D realizes that the bed situation may need to be discussed & is willing to discuss it with her roommates it shouldn’t make a difference that she takes the single bed when she gets there.</p>
<p>My D2 was in a triple situation this summer. It was one high single bed with 2 desks underneath the single bed, one bunk bed, and one single free standing desk. The girl that showed up early took the lower bed of bunk, the free standing desk, and the most convenient wardrobe. It was too glaring obvious. I think if she had taken a desk underneath the bed, and lower bunk, no one would raise an eyebrow, or the free standing desk and an upper bunk. D2 decided not to say anything. As it turned out, this roommate also was very self centered the whole summer.</p>
<p>Pohsmom - I don’t think there is anything wrong if your D were to take the single bed, but take a not so nice desk or closet, I don’t think her roommates would have a problem (someone’s gotta get that bed). But I would be prepared to move if other roommates should throw a big stink, because at the end of the day which bed or desk one gets is not worth it to have a bad relationship with roommates.</p>
<p>My daughter was in a double last year where the beds were raised and had the dressers under them. She arrived a couple of days earlier than her roommate (these were sophomores, so there wasn’t a single move-in day). My daughter very strongly preferred one bed location over the other. So she took that bed, but in the interest of fairness, she stored their shared refrigerator under it, along with her dresser, which decreased her personal storage space, and she took the smaller, less desirable wardrobe. I doubt that her roommate felt cheated, and it would have been ridiculous to not unpack for several days.</p>
<p>Here’s the recap. Per someone’s suggestion, we got more information about the room. I was able to get a look at the floor plan for the dorm, which showed no door between the rooms. We were at the school a week early for another reason. While we couldn’t look at the room, we were given the email address of his RA, who told us that the roommates typically put both beds in one room and both desks in the other. With this information, my son decided not to contact the roommate. </p>
<p>Turned out to be a good choice. Given the configuration of the room (he’s now in it), there was no other good way to lay things out. The roommate and his parents arrived the same time we did and all were very flexible, though there is no good or bad bed and no obvious alternative setup.</p>
<p>Interesting update: The beds were in one room and the desks in another when we left in September. ShawbridgeSon is home and mentioned that they had changed the configuration. ShawbridgeSon and his roommate get along quite well. They’re not friends but are friendly and neither bothers the other in any way.</p>
<p>One night, ShawbridgeSon was trying to sleep while roommate was working (both work quite hard). The next day, the roommate proposed moving one bed to the back room and moving the desk and dresser to the other (I didn’t think they would fit). ShawbridgeSon said “Sure.” He had classes all day and a paper to write that evening and when he returned from the library, his roommate had moved everything and was in the back room and ShawbridgeSon’s stuff had been moved to the front. ShawbridgeSon said, “Wow. Thanks.” He prefers the front room as it is a) bigger; and b) much quieter (as there is noise from dorm entrants and a garbage truck coming in the window. They’ve put up a curtain in the doorway. </p>
<p>As people predicted, who got which room was established by the first mover rather than discussion. But, in this case, the second mover was pleased with the choice – I assume his roommate was as well.</p>
<p>Time to retire the helicopter (actually, it’s only in use for my HS junior daughter).</p>
<p>I am so glad that for my kids’ dorm that when you reserve your drom, you reserve your exact bedroom (private bedrooms in a 4 room suite). So, if you want a certain room location in the suite (such as away from the living room), you book it months in advance. If that location isn’t available in the suite, you look at the other suites.</p>
:)</p>