<p>D2 and two of her roomies will have been in their on-campus apartment for over a month before senior roomie moves in. No way could they wait! All have private bedrooms, all the same size, all the same furniture which can be moved in any configuration. The only difference is location of bedrooms, 2 on kitchen end or 2 on bathroom end. Freshies brought almost all the necessities since senior hasn’t been communicating. Should be very interesting when she arrives to an apartment already setup and functioning. Freshies have invited her to stop by since she is local but so far she has not. Keeping my fingers crossed!</p>
<p>On the subject of having kids rotate bedrooms at home, somewhere along the way I picked up this bit of information about the poet Robert Frost. I think he had four kids and no one was assigned a bedroom. There were at least 4 beds in assorted bedrooms, and each child could just sleep where they wanted. Each kid was also assigned a star that they were responsible for following (they were homeschooled most of the time, I think), so while they didn’t have fixed positions on the planet, their skyward gazes were fixed.</p>
<p>Back to the dorm issue. The school D is about to start asks that roommates wait for all to show up before beds, etc. are divvied up. I think that’s the fair way to do things, but if a student doesn’t show up the first night, I wouldn’t expect the present roommates not to make up a bed to sleep in. Even in a symetrical room, the door may not be centered, so while all the accoutrements seem equal, one bed may be more in the line of traffic. </p>
<p>Loved the comment about kids being a window to the parents.</p>
<p>With S’ situation last year, I wouldn’t have cared if the room’s layout was identical for everyone, but it wasn’t. The 2 roommates who got there first knew that my son was also arriving that day so they could’ve done some, but not all, of their unpacking. They were so totally unpacked that they had posters up on the wall. They acted like the room was theirs & my son and the other roommate were intruders. I was less bothered by the size of my son’s closet or that he got stuck with a bunk bed than by the attitude of his roommates(and their parents).</p>
<p>S3 just arrrived at his school a full day before his roommate, and they had scheduled mandatory activities that would be beginning within an hour of his roomie arriving.</p>
<p>Storage in the room is a wall-long, floor to ceiling built in. My son chose the bed by the window and came up with a scheme to rearrange the furniture. The rearrangement gave the roomie a bit more space than my son, which seems to be working well because roomie brought a variety of large musical instruments and accoutrements with him. Son sent the roomie cellphone pictures to get his consent.</p>
<p>they seem to be getting along well and their room seems to be Social Central.</p>
<p>Son arrives 2 days before roommates (unless one of the suitemates plays sports). They’ve talked a little among them, but not much and I don’t even think son had realized he was coming early since it’s only by a day. Anyway… their room is going to lay out oddly because between windows, closets and doors, they don’t have much wall room. But until we actually see the room, we have no idea of the dimensions. Son will probably pick his stuff, but we’ll attempt to make it more than fair and they can always change. I don’t think S has even considered what would be going on the walls and so switching it up will be really easy - I think.</p>
<p>As for switching rooms at home, that might work if you had nothing on your wall personalized to yourself, like color, patterns, etc. But all our kids’ rooms were very personalized for them. The youngest got the smallest room mostly because she came last. but now she is in sisters room, decorated to who she is and the “guest room” is D’s when she comes home. It has the best bed in the house, so she’s the lucky one!</p>
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<p>Frankly, if I had been the second roommate to arrive and it was clear that the first roommate’s stuff was piled in the middle of the room and roomie was nowhere to be found, I’d still go ahead and unpack. I’d figure the roomie was either a) disorganized, because why else would she not unpack immediately? or b) super-hungry and couldn’t wait. It wouldn’t occur to me that roomie was waiting for me so we could make a decision together.</p>
<p>^really???</p>
<p>^Me, neither. I’d figure she was waiting for me.</p>
<p>Really. But as I said, every room I’ve had, or that my kids had at Summer programs, were essentially mirror rooms where it was just about picking left vs right.</p>
<p>I agree with Pizzagirl, Jym and myself. </p>
<p>This is not the late 70’s or early 80’s. Everybody has opportunity to talk to their roommate in advance. I think it strange if they don’t at least communicate by facebook before they arrive. I insisted on D “phoning” her roomie once before move in, I don’t remember the question, but I found it relevant. In ALL of their facebook back and forth and the one phone call, never was one thing mentioned about “space.” They were interested in who the other person was, their interests, and what they had in common. They did agree on the who brought the frig and the tv, but other than that, this was two incoming freshmen excited to go to school.</p>
<p>Reflecting back on this, and I hope those of you that had some “issues” with the move in, IF you had just dropped them off with no parental move in,… would there be a problem, and if ther was, would your child actually tell you about it or resolve it themselves? Just a thought.</p>
<p>I think “assuming” anything is where you make mistakes. I don’t care what your typical personality is, there is rude and there is considerate. I agree that in this day and age, there is no reason that roommates can’t get on a similar page before that first day. If you try and there is no response to facebook, email or phone than fine. You tried. But to think ANYTHING is like it was when we went to school is naive. There is really no reason to just show up with absolutely no communication and I’d find that weird. Frankly, just because you see things as equal doesn’t mean they are. I just think there is always time to have a brief conversation and, as it’s been said, if it’s mostly the parents who are the meddlers or whathaveyou, than I suggest parents encourage your kids to be communicators. There is absolutely nothng in the world worse than a passive aggressive person who is always looking wide-eyed and saying, “who me?”</p>
<p>At the colleges I am used to nobody waits for the other person. They don’t necessarily grab up all the nice stuff if they’re decent either, but it’s pretty much first come first serve. Getting first pick is the reward for getting up early. If my roommate got there first I would accept whatever is left without complaint, that is just how it’s always been at the schools I’m used to. That doesn’t mean that the person who gets there first has the right to pick the best of everything but it was always an unspoken rule that s/he gets first pick. This whole line of conversation is completely foreign to me.</p>
<p>Like I said, I am getting to school a full day or more before my roommate. I am going to be very conscious of not picking all the best stuff and making sure it’s fair, the furniture is all identical so it’s just a matter of room configuration, and if she seems really bothered when she gets there I guess I won’t mind trading and I am cool with switching up for second semester. But I was planning on getting fully unpacked and settled, setting up takes long enough once, I don’t intend to do it twice unless roomie seems upset about something. I am willing to be flexible if she takes issue with something I do before she gets there but I am definitely not sitting on my hands for a day or more just waiting for her to get there, that doesn’t seem fair either. I wouldn’t expect my roommate to hold off on making herself at home while I make my way leisurely to campus, especially if we’re not even moving the same day.</p>
<p>^^^ Exactly, twistedXkiss. Perfect balance between fair and reasonable. If we arrive at a certain time it is because we had a schedule organized and things to do. Arriving at 9 am and wasting many hours doing nothing because someone elses’s schedule differs makes absolutely no sense to me. Having a roommate means learning to work together when plans/schedules/patterns differ, and this is just part of that. I wouldnt want to impose my schedule on them and in return I would hope for similar understanding and courtesy. There are plenty of ways to be considerate and cooperative without being inconvenienced in the process. As many have - it woudl be absolutely surprising that roommates havent communicated before arrival to discuss who was bringing what (tv, refrigerator, etc) for the room</p>
<p>I feel bad for the OCD roommate situation described above, but they worked it out and got along fine. Thats great. I had a roommate who was incredibly selfish and with whom I had absolutely nothing in common. We got along fine freshman year, but never saw each other again after that, and it was a small school!</p>
<p>My roommate and I discussed tv and fridge and conversed a little bit via email before she just eventually didnt answer me, made me kinda wonder if she decided she doesn’t like me. o.O I have a friend though who had four roommates his freshman year and didn’t talk to any of them until he got to campus, boyfriend did the same. I wonder if boys are more likely to do that?</p>
<p>Re CPAP machines - someone asked how noisy they are. My husband has used them for years – he has severe sleep apnea. He is now on his second machine – more heavy duty. He fought with insurance and ended up paying part of it out of pocket to have the best machine possible. I am the world’s lightest sleeper and I have no problem sleeping with it but, as I said, it’s a high-quality machine. I think that CPAP machines are one item that is really worth researching, really advocating with insurance over, and maybe even paying partially out of pocket for because it’s a lot nicer both to use one and sleep with someone who uses one, if it’s a good and quiet machine.</p>
<p>I"m with you, Twistedxkiss! It seems like an unspoken rule that the early bird catches the worm, as they say. First come first serve; and then, in return, the first-come person would be decent and not grab the best of everything. But waiting around for hours for someone else’s schedule when it’s not necessary? No, I don’t care for other people forcing me to be disorganized and off my schedule because I planned better. </p>
<p>And as for jym’s comment:<br>
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<p>Exactly. When I’ve moved kids into their summer program, we organized our time so we were right there when the dorms opened. Not because there was any benefit to grabbing left vs right, not because we wanted “the best,” but because that’s what makes the most sense to me. You get there earlier, rather than later. You organize your stuff as soon as you get there so you can get the empty luggage in the car. THEN you walk around, explore campus, get a snack, go to the bookstore, etc. So it’s calm and peaceful and all ducks are in a row and you have plenty of time in case something unforeseen happens. How the heck do I know whether the other roommate is from the area or across the country? If someone’s flight is delayed, we’re supposed to sit there unpacked? From everything I saw, people moved in and began unpacking immediately.</p>
<p>I think we are clones, pizzagirl.</p>
<p>One summer we drove to TIP the night before and stayed at a nearby hotel (as usual-- or normal procedure). Arrived at campus and started to unpack early. Then we heard that there was, unfortunately, a horrible accident on the highway that morning, with fatalities, and the highway was closed. People on it that morning were stuck and delayed for hours. Stuff does happen. </p>
<p>My s’s tend to forget stuff (as I said, younger s arrived at college without his bed pillow last fall) so we always plan a trip to the local Target or Walmart or whatever AFTER we have unpacked. We also do lunch together. We have our own routine and procedure that works as a family for us and that we enjoy. If another family has another procedure, thats fine-- FOR THEM, but we would not want their procdeure imposed on us, and vice versa. This is part of the “consideration” that goes both ways.</p>
<p>Both my s’s communicatded with their freshman college roommates before arriving, essentially to decide who was bringing what electronics. They didnt discuss bed location or what have you b/c they didnt really know the layout of the room. They did discuss lofting the beds, but that was about it. As I mentioned above, in both cases the rooms were mirror images so it was a matter of choosing right vs left side. If there were extenuating circumstances I would have hoped they would have discussed this in advance so that we can stick to our schedule-- arrive, unpack, hit Walmart, eat lunch, go back to the room with additional stuff, walk around, go to college store, scheduled events, etc etc. In both cases for college we are coming from far away, which inolves long drives (7-8 hrs minimum) and/or flights, fitting stuff in a rental car, etc. Just because we are organized doens’t mean whe should have to defer to those that may be less so. And speaking of which-- we gotta go!!
Good luck everyone.</p>
<p>My son arrived a full week before his roomie because of a pre-orientation trip he opted to attend and his roomie didn’t. No way was he going to leave his stuff piled in the middle of the room for a week. It was an undivided double, so it was mostly a difference of just left or right. I don’t think his roomie cared about such things anyway.</p>
<p>A question for all of you who’s strategy is to arrive as early as possible and direct your kid to choose and arrange as he/she (or you) sees fit: What would you do if you and the roommate get there at the exact same time?!?</p>
<p>Oh come on, isn’t this obvious.
Scenario A: “What would you like, the left or the right?” “Left.” “Okay.”</p>
<p>Scenario B: “It looks like there’s one big dresser and one small dresser, and one big closet and one small closet. Tell you what - I’ll take the small dresser if I can have the big closet. Is that ok with you, or would you prefer the other way around?” “That’s fine with me.” “Okay.” OR “I’d like that too. Tell you what … why don’t we flip a coin.” </p>
<p>What would you think happens??</p>
<p>BTW as I explained before, my strategy is not to arrive as early as possible for the sake of “getting the best.” My strategy is to arrive as early as possible because that’s how I like to be organized in life – I’d be just as early if it were a single or if I found out the roommate wasn’t coming. And if the roommate showed up early … well, then, so much the better so everyone can get settled and then they get to know each other.</p>