I am currently a freshman at a top 10 university. I convinced myself in middle school that this is where I wanted to go and applied early decision. I was ecstatic to get in last December. My parents were both extremely proud because they both went to mediocre state schools. I was so excited to attend this school and everyone in my home town was very impressed. It is not common for people to go far away to college in my area, let alone to a top ten school.
I am now about a month and a half in and feel as if this might not be the right place for me. As a pre-dental student I need to get a good GPA and be involved in extracurriculars in order to get into dental school. I do not know if I will be able to handle the difficulty and the amount of work here. I’m not a fan of being a little fish in a big pond. I understand that premed/predental is hard everywhere. Also, my current school doesn’t have very many great programs for pre-dental students, it is greatly geared toward pre-med students.
I was severely depressed for the first month of school, but it is starting to get better. I have tried to get involved with extracurricular activities, but I just do not have enough time. I talk to my friends at other schools who are having a great time living the normal college life. They have time to just hang or chill. I watch a movie with my friends once every other week, maybe. I do attend football games and things, but it is hard to find people to go with, especially for a school that is supposed to have such great school spirit. Otherwise it’s always school work. Would it be better to transfer somewhere a little bit easier so that I could get better grades and become involved in more extracurriculars?
It’s not that I’m homesick. I have not once thought that I wanted to go home. I just wonder every day if I would be happier at another school. I feel as if I do not fit in here. Most people like to go out and party and are very into climbing up the social ladder. I’m not a fan of drinking or partying. I am seriously considering transferring to a small, Christian school. Would this be any better? Would it be a dumb decision? I know that I would be dropping from a world-renowned university to an unknown little college. Do dental schools really care where you go to undergrad? I personally don’t care about prestige or the social hierarchy. Should I go somewhere that has a dental school?
My parents would be so disappointed if I transferred. They have told me all of my life that education is the best investment you can make. They are so proud that I am attending the university that I am. It would crush them if I left.
The financial aspect also impacts my decision. I do not get any financial aid at the university I am currently attending and the cost of tuition is extremely high. My parents are not worried about it because it is the best investment that they could make. The cost concerns me though. I still have to pay for dental school. If I attended another school it would probably be a lot less expensive and I could probably get a scholarship.
It’s not that I hate it here. I am just inexplicably unhappy. Everyone else went through that phase but it passed; it has not passed yet for me, and I don’t think that it will any time soon. I have met a lot of great people here and I really enjoy some of my professors, but there are other professors who aren’t very good at teaching and don’t take their jobs seriously. I wonder if this “elite education” is really worth it.
I know it is pretty early to be considering transferring, but I feel as if my high school stats are stronger than my college ones. It would be better to do this sooner rather than later, in my opinion.
Any thoughts or suggestions?
I’m assuming you are at Penn, but in any event, make the best of it it through this year. Then, come second semester you can take another temperature of how you are feeling. If you still feel the same way, and financial concerns are pressing, you can make consideration to perhaps your state schools. Dentisty is one of those careers in which their far less emphasis on undergraduate education, just GPA and test scores.
Dude it’s been a month. Give it a chance. All of the people you see out there with “friends” hanging out probably won’t be together by the end of the semester. You will get involved with clubs and activities organically and that’s how you will make friends. A lot of people don’t find a best friend until sophomore or even junior year. Yes, choosing an elite college typically isn’t the best route for someone who wants to do grad school, but that’s okay. You will be more prepared. You’re a Christian. Does your college have any Christian organizations you can get involved with? Also your workload will change each semester. You will be fine.
@boolaHI I am not at Penn, but am at a similar school. Do you think that it would hurt my chances of getting in somewhere by waiting another semester? Also, some schools only have scholarships for students coming in as freshman.
@CaliCash Yes, my school has plenty of Christian organizations that I have gotten involved with. They are great and I have met some amazing people, but I still feel out of place. There are very few people that are involved with Christian organizations on campus. Also, I withdrew from one of my classes this semester and am “underloading”, but am still overwhelmed with the work and the courses that I will need to take in the future.
Thank you both for your feedback and advice!
I’m not sure. To be frank, I’ve never hear of folks transferring within their first year. I think it would be preferable to transfer after your first year for a variety of reasons.
Transferring down would not be viewed favorably by dental school adcoms.
Give it time.
@15moel, can you make a couple of appointments at the counseling center at Duke? It might be helpful to have an adult (not another student) to talk through the huge changes that are a part of starting any college, especially one that’s far away from home. Trust me when I say that you are not alone in feeling a little unnerved during the first few months of such a big adjustment. Duke would not have admitted you ED if the admissions committee thought you couldn’t do the work and contribute to the school. Hang in there for the semester - I know things will get better for you. You are so talented and it’s not at all unusual to have doubts about yourself and the path you’ve chosen. It doesn’t mean you’re on the wrong path – just that you’re human! Good luck and keep us posted.
Please realize that we see posts like this every year, some people do transfer but many report back that ‘everything is fine now.’ I wish students were more resilient and didn’t have expectations that everything would be hunky dory in a month. Some of your issues could have been well anticipated. Dental school ambitions usually means you want to save your money for grad school. Don’t want to be a small fish in big pond, then why did you pick the school where you would be, etc. School culture can be gleaned from reading and visiting. Some schools are more social but you can find your people, you just didn’t give it enough time. Maybe you didn’t pay enough attention to fit because everyone was so impressed. But you can make it work.
fwiw, my dd had a big transition to Brown, a move very far from home and a good prep school but still had an academic struggle at first. But she got better and learned how to manage it. As she took harder classes it was easier. She tells me often how glad she was to have gone. I don’t think she made super close friends until sophomore year. Freshman year is a huge transition, it is unrealistic to expect otherwise at a top college. I think it is better to be challenged and inspired and discover what you are interested in. I disagree with @CaliCash about those types of schools not being the best for grad school. Yes they are because they have research experiences that prepare you well, I know from my own dd’s experience. I doubt she was the strongest student around in the big pond, but she did very well for herself because of the preparation and experience with research. But this is not professional school. That is different. but you can prepare yourself well and step up.
Sure you can apply other places and see how it goes. Some schools will not give you awards that first time freshmen get because you are no longer a first time freshman. Put your applications in if you want, but I think you have to still invest in where you are. A small christian school really depends on the school-- some are good but others are very jr college-y. I would hate to see a big step down and then you are unhappy with that.
I just glanced again at your post and if you are having actual depression it will make you view everything negatively. Go to the health center, unless you just mean depressed in the common sense–actually either way you should get screened.
I agree @BrownParent , please take his advice. You have uprooted your entire life and it will take more than a month to put down your roots. Accept that this is a hard transition with all manner of ups and downs, growing pains. You are also learning the fact that college is hard work, freaking hard work, and the primary reason you are there. And if it were easy, everyone would do it. You have been offered an amazing opportunity and your parents are willing to support it with their funds, a sacrifice and an amazing gift. Think long and hard before you give it up.
Don’t be fooled by Facebook posts and all glowing texts from peers at other schools. They are not going to post the negative stuff.
My daughter is a freshman a a challenging school and she is spending the lion share of her time studying. Not into partying either, she texted me last night to say she and her roommate went for a walk through the chilly rainy campus to enjoy the beauty, then came in to their room to watch a movie on Netflix as a study break. That is a fine thing to do.
Be patient and focus on your studies, the rest will unfold.
You are at an elite school surrounded by smart interesting people. You are likely a very smart interesting person.
Why the interest in teeth? I mean, really, what drives you to want to be a dentist? The dentists I’ve met are all very nice and professional, but I always wondered about how boring it would be to do the same thing day in and day out, to meet with many patients for 5-10 minutes at a time and check their gums. I can’t stand the sound of the drill. It seems like a great profession for a working mother who wants to set her own hours and make some green. But it doesn’t seem all that stimulating intellectually. At least the hygienist can talk to people all day long who won’t talk back - I can see some value in that LOL.
There are much better ways of making money.
Why not be open to the possibility that you are smart enough to find a more interesting way to make living, and just soak up all that your school has to offer, and stop worrying about your grades. I mean continue to do the best that you can, but enjoy it.
Haha, I was thinking top ten school for pre-dental? scratching my head here.
I have to say, to each his own, and are passions are of our own accord. But, youngest D also wants to be a dentist, and when she had interviews at Ivy plus schools, there was also question, bordering on veiled consternation, of her interest in dentistry. She eventually received admission to two of these schools, but opted for UCLA because of its dental program.
I remember reading some article about Jackie Kennedy and her affair with a dentist after JFK’s death. I think she ended up not married him something to the effect that he was a dentist.
Duke has a pre-dental society. Have you checked it out? It would be a good place to find students with related interests. UNC also has a very active group that has ties with the dental school on campus.
http://deltadeltasigma.web.unc.edu/services/
There are A LOT of people at Duke who feel like that. It can seem like partying and drinking dominate, but that’s because (a) freshmen are still enjoying their new freedom and (b) those people tend to be the most visible and make the most noise. A comprehensive study of the social scene at Duke a few years ago found that far fewer people were drinking and hooking up than students thought.
Look into student groups that have interests related to yours. Some of the best people I met at Duke were in my clubs like the outdoors group, the LGBT center, marching/pep band, etc. Duke has a tremendous variety of people; you just have to work a bit to find your niche. (For goodness’ sake, there’s even a club for beekeeping.) There’s so much to do on campus and in Durham besides drinking.
https://duke.collegiatelink.net/organizations
Duke Chapel sponsors a lot of great religious groups, as do the Div School and the Freeman Center. (Although I wasn’t Jewish, I always felt very welcome at Reform services.) There’s social groups, volunteering groups, choral and music groups…tap into that network.
Thank you, everyone, for all of your help and advice.
@TomSrOfBoston What if I transferred to be closer to home, a school with more opportunities for pre-dental students, and/or a school that better fit my religious beliefs? Are those reasons valid enough?
@GnocchiB and @BrownParent I have considered scheduling an appointment with CAPS. I have suffered from depression in the past, so I would not be surprised if I slipped into depression again. It feels as is if I may be beginning to slip.
@BrownParent I am just curious, what are some colleges that you would consider to be good christian colleges? I have been considering Pepperdine or Marquette (they also have a dental school). Any thoughts on that? Also, what stumps me is that, after I withdrew from my Calculus course, I am not in very difficult classes and the work load isn’t bad. However, I am still down in the dumps. I have met so many great people and have joined some great organizations. I still feel like this is not where I am meant to be and I do not know why. I have no reason to dislike it here. I have a great roommate, live in a great dorm, have great friends, have already formed relationships with great advisers and professors, and generally have great days. I am still inexplicably unhappy.
@NorthernMom61 Thank you, that is great advice! 
@warblersrule I have joined the pre-dental club and have gone to a few of their monthly meetings. It is helpful but there are not many opportunities outside of that. Dental schools like students who shadow dentists or have dental experience. I can’t find very many ways to do that here. With the hospital on campus almost every pre-health activity is geared solely towards pre-med. Pre-dental, pre-vet, etc are all left in the dust. Also, even the advisers are not very helpful when it comes to planning for dental school because they are more focused on medical school.
I am also in the substance free dorm, so I have surrounded myself by people with similar ideas and beliefs. I also joined three separate religious groups and have found fellowship there; I have also joined other clubs, mostly revolving around volunteering. Thanks for the links! No matter how many people I meet that share similar views and how many people stay in on Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays, I still feel like I don’t belong here. It isn’t necessarily that I don’t fit in, it just doesn’t feel right. Hopefully that will change over time like many of you are suggesting.
I’m not too concerned about grades. I know that I can do it and graduate from here eventually. I am just questioning whether or not it is worth it.
Thanks again for all of your feedback, I really appreciate it!
Do not underestimate how long it might take you to adjust. You are going through a huge transition and it is difficult. You are becoming an adult and it is great and it isn’t easy.
However, if you feel strongly that your career aspirations will not be best served where you are, then explore that deeply. That would be the best reason for lack of fit if it is a legitimate concern. In the meantime take care of your studies so that your options remain open.
And you should start communicating with you parents about all of the issues you are juggling since they are the ones paying the bills. Money is a factor that you have to consider unless you are independently wealthy.
Yes I think both of the colleges you mentioned are very good. Catholic schools in general are excellent.
I think you are premature that a month in you think you have to be doing predental stuff. I wouldn’t worry about it until next year. And you could look into making arrangements near home for the summer, would that work?
It sounds like you are slipping into depression (you are unhappy despite having a great roommate, great friends, good relationships with professors, etc.) and you should reach out to your parents and the counseling center.