<p>I'm not really interested in the "hookup culture." I was wondering if people in college actually date seriously or if the majority of relationships are just "hookups."</p>
<p>There’s plenty of both. You tend to hear more about the hookup culture because it sells more in the media. There are plenty of people that have serious relationships throughout college though. </p>
<p>There’s def both. One person can even do both. There’s probably more hookup culture but in my larger circle of acquaintances I know of four serious relationships, one ended and three ongoing. In that same circle I know of at least twenty to thirty hookups, I have actually completely lost count. That gives you an idea. I’ll say this though: All four of the serious relationships happened when people weren’t looking for it. It just kind of happens. 3 of the 8 in the serious relationships also hooked up with others while they were here before they found said relationships.</p>
<p>If you look for hookups, you’ll find hookups. If you look for serious relationships, you’ll find serious relationships.</p>
<p>However, a lot of serious relationships sometimes start with what was intended to be a hookup. One can look for a serious relationship without completely excluding themselves from the hookup culture. Conversely, one can look for hookups without entirely ruling out the possibility of a serious relationship. </p>
<p>Hookups are nothing new. The number of sexual partners among college students has held steady for decades. </p>
<p>Relationships are not generally hard to find at residential schools in my experience. YMMV of course </p>
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It appears to me that, for this generation, only if you are willing to commit time and efforts, you could possibly be successful in having a serious long term BF or GF.</p>
<p>Two cases that I have observed:</p>
<p>One couple did not contact with each other (or found the need to do so) for a whole week during a break, They broke up relatively easily, within a short time.</p>
<p>Another couple found the need to video chat (e.g., FaceTime) - not just text messaging, with each other every other day (if not every day) during the break. The survival rate for their relationship seems to be much higher.</p>
<p>Copy the saying “no pain, no gain”: No investment in time and efforts, no serious relationship.</p>
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<p>…that’s true of any kind of relationship in any generation. You have to be willing to put time and effort to get together with the significant other, talk, form a bond, share common interests, spend time together, etc. That’s true of having friends, too, and that’s true at any age and generation.</p>
<p>Re: “…be willing to put time and effort.”</p>
<p>Yes, for the more “successful” couple that I mentioned above, both of them seem to be willing to put in at least half an hour (sometimes even more than an hour) EVERYDAY during the holiday break, even though they are physically separated by thousands of miles.</p>
<p>I do not remember I spent so much time when I was young (but there was no such technology called video chat like SKYPE or FaceTime at that time. We even did not have emails.)</p>
<p>I agree on putting in the effort. The people who were successful set aside time for one another even when college life gets busy and hectic. It’s not like in the movies where people will be running at your doorstep, but it’s not incredibly difficult as long as you show that you are committed to it. College is the time when most people are willing to experiment and date one another. </p>
<p>Ditto on #4. My 25 year relationship started in college quite quickly, perhaps not exactly a hookup but all my friends were like “he’s using you” and “you’ll burn out”. Still burning LOL. I’d say if you are drunk and hooking up and don’t remember who you were with, yeah that does not have much potential.</p>
<p>Start with friendship, then date if it seems appropriate. My friend who wanted to find an Ivy League husband didn’t get married until she was 40. Because she was looking too hard for a spouse, every time she went out with a guy, she was doing a calculation as to whether she would/could marry him. So several one to two year relationships that she clung to even when she realized “he wasn’t the one”.</p>
<p>Some people need to go through a lot of rejections because they aren’t the best at reading the signs. I have a good friend who is not married, in his 40s, and he is the nicest guy in the world. Lots of female friends. The kind who are totally thrilled to tell him when they get engaged…</p>
<p>And @rhandco what advice would you give that guy if you could say something to him? I feel apprehensive because that could potentially describe me in the future haha </p>
<p>Maybe his problem is that he was a psych major so knew too much about what people think and should think…</p>
<p>Everyone says “be yourself” but the exception to this is that you need to take the first step, usually, if you are looking for someone. Don’t be afraid to ask someone out, and don’t be afraid to get rejected. A “friend date” first, like having lunch in a crowded place you can’t talk that much, and then a more romantic date where you can talk, like out to dinner (NOT expensive initially, please :), may be a good idea.</p>
<p>College is one place where you will have access to many people near your age and most are not committed to anyone. And if you start a friendship with a potential SO, try to have a date earlier than later to see if there is any romantic potential.</p>
<p>One of the guys I said “no” to who asked me out was really nice. I liked him a lot. But he was too nice for me. I think also if someone does shoot you down, and you have mutual unconnected friends, you might ask for some advice if you want to ask someone else out.</p>
<p>And you’ve noted your CC addiction on other posts - inherently, there is a problem with the internet in that you can’t tell really who or what someone is. I am not sure of what college age online dating sites out there, but you could try if you want to get some confidence. (I do have a friend who met a guy online and they struck up a relationship, and she moved from California to NYC to marry him, after meeting once in person)</p>
<p>Some colleges actually have online alumni dating sites!</p>
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I never understood what “too nice” means. Are you saying that he wasn’t mean enough, or that he would let people walk all over him? </p>
<p>Everyone told me I was using my now-fiance as a rebound. Which, honestly, may have been true but it’s clearly worked out. </p>
<p>To be honest, my relationship has never been that difficult. We’ve never needed to put in “time or effort” that I can recall… we just hit it off, I asked him out (he said no- that he wanted to wait until I healed from my last relationship). I asked him out enough that he got annoyed and said yes. We’ve been basically joined ever since.</p>
<p>We’re lucky in that everything has always come easy to us. Rarely have either of us needed to compromise and we’re go with the flow kind of people. It makes me sad when people say relationships are hard work. Could we be in the “honeymoon” stage? Sure, but we’ve been together for four years and living together nearly all of those four years. </p>
<p>romani, Wish you have a good wedding and marriage.</p>
<p>I don’t know but from what I see it, DS does put in time and efforts. (He is “home” with us for his end-of-year 1.5 week long holiday break. But our family of three are taking vacation together in S. California now.)</p>
<p>We got back to our hotel. It is 10 pm now. He took his phone to the front lobby (?) to have some video chat with his GF. (He said she is on a boat now thousands of miles away - in the day time for her. ) Not sure what it means by being on a boat. Do not want to know.)</p>
<p>I think he has been doing this everyday since we are in S. California. He does not get back to the room soon. He must have been succesfully in getting the contact successfully with somebody on a “boat”.</p>
<p>He does spends time and efforts on his half-a-year-only relationship, in my opinion at least. (Better than having been “dumped” last year, he at least has something to work on.)</p>
<p>Re: the somewhat mysterious “boat”:</p>
<p>It turns out they just got onto the “boat” for a shower. They are neither on a cruise at sea, nor on a boat in the middle of a lake. (For the latter, wifi and even cell phone usually stop working as far as I know - at least this is so on a lake I know.)</p>
<p>So they were not calling or texting each other while one of them on a boat.</p>