<p>My common app essay is only 270 words. I chose topic 1, and I feel that I did a pretty good job. Anyway, here it goes, and input is helpful. Thank you.</p>
<pre><code> Illusion of the Mind
I sit, my chair marked by a placard with China spelled out on it in bold white letters. Staring down at my notecards I subconsciously listen to the woman speaking. All I can pick up is Pakistan, floods, and airdrops. Before long these words are lost in my mind. The speaking ends. Our turn, me and two of my best friends stand and walk toward the podium. It was at that moment that it set in. Im at the United Nations, this room is usually off limits, Im about to speak in front of seven hundred people. My heart races, it feels as if it is about to erupt out of my chest. The three of us stand at the lectern; fearful, anxious, and vaguely excited. Our Interact Club advisor introduces us, and in we go. Plunging into a world of language, persuasion, and oration we deftly execute our presentation, ironically called Interact Club of Pawling: A Love Story despite our fear and apprehension. Before I even know it we are into our concluding words. I revise my notes in my mind as I speak, ultimately leaving the crowd with a quote, a quote by Winston Churchill, The future will be kind to me, for I intend to write it. Cheers, clapping, standing ovations, as we fall back toward our seats I am filled with the ultimate sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.
That day was not just an accomplishment; it was a lesson, a lesson that changed me. I learned that I could do anything I set my mind to. Whether it is public speaking or anything , fear is simply an illusion of the mind.
<p>Couple of grammatical errors (eg - me and two of my best friends stand should be 'my two best friends and i stand). I suggest you have this proofread by your english teacher.
Be careful of the tenses as well. Work on your sentence structuring, using a comma in a long sentence without appropriate placement of clauses can make the sentence sound awkward (I’m at the United Nations, this room is usually off limits, I’m about to speak in front of seven hundred people).</p>
<p>Too poetic. And you shift in tenses makes it really difficult to read through.</p>
<p>You’re telling a story for 90% of the essay. The main part is the reflection not the story. In addition, I STRONGLY advise you to write at least 450 words given that you have 500.</p>
<p>I agree that your essay should be hovering at around 450 words. Here’s what I’ve been told that helps:
Write an essay and completely disregard the word limit. Write as much as you can. Once you have a complete essay that’s well over the word limit, start removing parts. It’s much easier to remove tree branches than it is to grow them.
Also, on the content of the essay: I’m not getting a sense of who you are. College essays are about you, and only you, not about a club or another person. Describe more on how your Interact club impacted YOU.</p>
<p>^excellent advice – write it long – get everything down, then you can edit. Also agree with not seeing the “you” in your essay. </p>
<p>Maybe start before Model UN? Is Model UN the culmination? Is there another earlier incident in childhood either socially or academically where you realize your interests in international politics? Is the take away point overcoming fear? Then we need to hear more about how fear has crippled other achievements in your life. PM it to me if you want.</p>
<p>Aside from the little grammar mistakes, I personally think your is very good, especially considering that it has less than 300 words. I agree with perhaps making it longer. I actually also learned something from reading these comments. So your essay is suppose to be 90% story cause mine is about 75%?</p>
<p>strafer – I don’t know if percentages apply (I’m a mom by the way and a writer). I think personally that if we were to use percentages, the essay would be 110% story. It’s a story about you – with a beginning, a middle, and an end. Yes, there is this overriding element of “choose me for your school!” but the main story is the inciting event/beginning moment in your earlier life/childhood; then the maturing of this initial realization with how it develops in your education/development; then the “end” which is where you are now – internalizing what you’ve learned, and ready to learn some more at the school of your choice. </p>
<p>Writing a college essay is tricky stuff. What you have to do is write an essay about how something AFFECTED you, not just you, and not just the something. Here’s some advice I’ve gained:
Avoid choosing the literary character as an essay topic. Apparently admissions people really don’t want to read summaries of characters and how they affected you.
If you choose the person who affected you, write more about how it has affected you and not only about the person. It’s a very common mistake when students write an essay about the other person and not about themselves. This goes for the national issue one as well.
The first topic in the CommonApp is a dangerous one: don’t write about drug issues or something that you wouldn’t want to share with your little sister or grandmother.</p>
If anyone has any other input I’d be grateful.</p>