I went to a college prep school and have basically spent my life studying and working hard, partially to learn but also because I had my sights set on several fairly prestigious colleges I want to go to. I've been accepted to them and even gotten the highest merit scholarship offered at my top choice, but it's still extremely expensive. And even though I've done my part as best as I possibly could and so long to go to this college bc of the fit and everything it offers, my parents would still be left with a massive bill paying for my tuition there. So, now I'm questioning everything and whether I should settle for the local school that accepts everyone and costs significantly less or make my parents pay a ridiculous amount of money for me to go to college.
They say they would "make it work" and that I deserve to go wherever bc they know my work ethic etc. but they're kind of leaving the decision up to me and I feel terrible about it. I want so badly to go to this one college, but I also feel like it's wrong to make the people I love pay more money than my life is worth just to go there for four years and get a degree like I can get anywhere else. What do you think and have any of you ever been in a similar situation?
What are the schools?
Do you know what your major or career interests might be?
And what are the net costs of the schools?
How much in loans each year would your parents need to take?
Your parents are competent adults. If they say they can make it work, why would you deprive them of the satisfaction of sending you to the school of your choice. My kids would never have gotten away with that. 
If they say you have to borrow large sums of money or pay them back, that’s a horse of another color.
I am in the opposite situation, my kid wants to go to the school that has a higher acceptance rate than the one that is more selective and would cost less (scholarships make the more selective one less expensive). I want her to be happy, but I don’t want us to struggle to send her where it is hitting our wallets harder. It depends on a lot of factors. Do you have siblings (mine is the first of four to graduate)? Are your parents in a position to handle loan payments and really could stretch to send you to your dream school? If you really can go anywhere for the degree you want, I would not burden your parents. How much is the cost difference between the schools you are choosing from?
I’m interested in a major in biology, possible minor in either French or writing, and am otherwise fairly undecided as to what I want my career path to be. I think the more prestigious college offers me more opportunities however and there are several programs I want to join, graduates are enthusiastic about hiring others, career guidance, individual attention/small class sizes, tbh the name value would be great for helping me get a job anywhere across the country instead of being stuck in my hometown, I’d fit in well socially, and it just seems more advantageous overall.
It costs 50k per year (my family is upper middle class and, while others offered some grant aid, this college offered none other than a scholarship and I’m currently trying to contact their aid office) while my merit aid and other in-state scholarships brought the local school down to 22k per year. I honestly don’t know enough about my family’s financial situation to say how much they would need to take out in loans, but every college I applied to claimed to “meet all financial need” in loans offered or grants, and the need-based aid I received from them was basically 0.
So, to sum up
Choice 1/top: 50k
Choice 2/local: 22k
and writing it out like that makes the obvious decision for me clear unfortunately
it’s just incredibly annoying that all of the work I did will simply go towards making up the difference in tuition costs for me to go to the same school as people who barely tried/scraped by all through high school yet receive finaid will go to
but that’s life I guess rip
Really, most kids work hard in high school. If you had been told that you couldn’t go to School A but only to School B, would you have put one second less into an AP class or skipped that math homework to watch TV? No, you did the work because that was what was expected of you - your job at the time.
I bet there are lots of students in the local school who worked hard in high school and are challenged in college too.
Why are you not discussing this with your parents? If you were my kid, I would not let you turn down the better opportunity.
Let them worry about their loans (if they have any). They are in command of their finances.
It doesn’t sounds like you have to take out any loans.
Go to choice 1.
I don’t know, I’ve seen the aftermath of “we will make it work” too many times in my own community to easily say “go for the dream.” One way or another, the whole family pays for that kind of debt. Are you at least an only child? Or youngest with other kids out?
In the end, this is all about you and your family. My kids wouldn’t consider letting take that sort of hit but then, we would never pretend that it would be ok.
I agree with @turtletime
@ClassicRockerDad if parents/adults were always competant regarding money matters and financial decisions, we wouldn’t have bankruptcies, foreclosures, and kids having to leave college after the a semester or two because the parents then realized that they overestimated what they could afford to pay.
We know nothing about these parents. They may be naive optimists or they may be sound with their finances. We just don’t know.
This student is going to be a bio major and the less expensive school sounds like a good one that the student won’t mind attending.
Who here knows more about the OPs parents’ finances then OPs parents. Don’t you think it’s a little patronizing to think that any one here knows better?
These are the kinds of discussion that get my goat. Listen to your parents. Even if they have to borrow money, it’s their prerogative. Many parents willing borrow money to make sure their kids have the best education possible. Many have no problem paying those loans back. Those are my values, and I’m sure many parents share those values. Why assume that the parents are irresponsible?
Don’t know what your EFC is, but you did receive their large merit award bringing costs down to $50k. That’s what was used to determine need. The school has determined that your family’s contribution should be at least $50k per year, based on their income/assets. If you hadn’t gotten that merit, perhaps you would have qualified for some need-based aid.
Talk to your parents. Maybe they have college savings acct for you. Ask them how your tuition will get paid. If they will be taking out loans, that’s a concern. If they plan on paying out or current income, they need to determine whether they really have $5k per month (after taxes) to put towards your college costs for 4 years.
Also consider if there are younger kids to put thru college.
@ClassicRockerDad:
“Don’t you think it’s a little patronizing to think that any one here knows better?”
Considering the huge percentage of Americans who put themselves in terrible yet completely avoidable financial situations, no, I don’t think it is patronizing. Or rather, many (I daresay most) Americans would be better off if they were patronized if it could save them from financial hardships.
Financial illiteracy/irresponsibility in this country is massive, and that is born out by the personal bankruptcy statistics.
“This student is going to be a bio major and the less expensive school sounds like a good one that the student won’t mind attending.”
I am with @mom2collegekids on this one.
It is hard to say much not knowing the names of the schools. However, my understanding is that a biology major pretty much requires some sort of graduate/medical/veterinary/… school. Also, there are a LOT of universities in the US with very good undergrad biology programs.
When I was a graduate student at a top ranked well known university (but NOT in biology), there were students there who had done their undergrad at a very wide range of other schools, including many state flagships. What we all had in common was very good grades during undergrad (and yes the students from Rutgers probably had better undergrad GPA than the one student from MIT) and none of us had gone so far into debt for undergrad to make graduate school impossible.
Not knowing the names of the schools it is hard to be sure, but my inclination would be to save money for undergrad, work hard and get a high college GPA, and plan to go to a top school for graduate school.
Chapter and Verse? Or any citation? That’s quite the platitude.
@ClassicRockerDad:
Take a look at the chart here:
http://www.bankruptcyaction.com/USbankstats.htm
The number of personal bankruptcies a year swing around wildly, but we can say that there was roughly an average of 1M personal bankruptcies a year in the US over the past 30 uears. (Looks like 300K or lower before that). Now some of those are repeat bankruptcies, though even high estimates put that at 1/6th of bankruptcies, so the vast majority are new bankruptcies. Some bankruptcies are for couples. Put that all together and you have a significant percentage of the population who have undergone a personal bankruptcy. In fact, there are counties in this country where over half the adult population has experienced bankruptcy. This isn’t that surprising when you realize that roughly half the country is living paycheck to paycheck with no emergency savings to fall back on.
What fraction of people paying for college are in this situation? Show me data. This is anectdotal and pure catastrophizing. We have no reason not to take the upper middle class parents at their word.
@yeetyateyote please get details from your parents.
I still remember the student from last summer who found himself in a financial predicament. His parents had told him not to worry about cost, but then in the summer, right before college was to begun, the parents learned that their child would not be allowed to borrow the full COA. Omg. The parents had been telling the child not to worry about money because the parents had thought their child could borrow the entire amount all by himself (parents had no intention of paying, nor would they cosign).
There’s a lot of misunderstandings in regards to paying for college. There are also the parents who naively think that they will only have to pay a lot for one year because they wrongly think that their child’s good college grades will result in more merit…and that is usuallly a wrong assumption.
Exactly!