<p>There are many reasons for me to transfer to the University of Connecticut. First I would like to say that I have enjoyed my time at my current school, University of Hartford. It's a small college but diverse as well. But I feel that the University of Connecticut can give me a better opportunities for Law school and the real world. I want to transfer to the University of Connecticut because of the environment it offers to me. I have visited the campus various times and I fell in love with the setup of this University. The campus size is good because I can meet more and more people in my stay. Also being a big school, it is in a beautiful area of Connecticut. I have also been inside the Dormitory Halls and I've seen how the students feel as if they were at home and how comfortable they felt in the university. I can apply anywhere else but chose to only apply to This University. I understand that this school is very prestigious and is highly ranked among public universities. Academically, this school will challenge me to study more and work harder to achieve the GPA I need. My college records show that I can handle college work very well. I would also like to explain the W next to my Biology class. In this class I worked as hard as I could but I did not achieve the grade I wanted. In order to have a high GPA my adviser recommended me to drop the class and take it over the summer. This was a hard decision for me because I did not want to hurt my chances into getting accepted into the University of Connecticut. Although my current major is Health Sciences, I decided and consulted my advisor and switched my major to Politics and Government and enrolled into the Pre-Law program. I prefer to major in a subject I know very well and have a passion for. My ultimate goal is to become a lawyer. I want to enter the University of Connecticut as a Political Science major. I have researched the political science program offered at UConn and I saw how it is a much stronger program than the one offered at my current school and appeals to what I want to focus on. I believe this college is a perfect fit for my academic and life goals of Law school and more. My records show that my GPA matches what this University looks for in a student. I hope this university sees that I am a good college student with school work as the number one priority and accepts me as a UConn student.</p>
<p>I personally do not think it is very strong.</p>
<p>1 - I think any references to how pretty the campus is or how nice you find the dorms is wasted ink. You need to talk about why the campus is an <em>academic</em> fit for you. What special programs unique to the college can you mention? A specific professor you want to study with? A debate club at the college? Any aspect of how your major in constructed? Do your research… WHY is it a good academic fit? Dig deep.</p>
<p>2 - Use paragraph breaks in your essay</p>
<p>3 - Fairly limited facility with English… grammar problems and not very elegant phrasing. If English is not your first language, that makes it somewhat better… but you need to sit down with a native-speaker/writer to help you iron out the most awkward phrases.</p>
<p>4 - Do not do not do not place the motivation to study on “I know I will study harder if I am at YOUR university.” That’s terrible for an essay because it puts the responsibility of your study-habits outside of yourself. You need to own your study habits and frankly, you should be studying as hard at Podunk University or Elites-R-Us University. Excelling regardless of which uni you are at shows maturity. However, stating that you will “Academically, this school will challenge me to study more and work harder to achieve the GPA I need.” is a big red flag.</p>
<p>5 - Never ever never ever say “I want to go to YOUR university because it is prestigious.” That is a shallow reason, and while everyone might secretly think it, it is not an impressive statement on a transfer essay.</p>
<p>6 - When you talk about the Poly Sci dept, don’t generalize by simply saying “It is better.” Use specifics. Does it offer a lot more Political Theory classes and you are interested in it as a sub-specialty? Etc.</p>
<p>Should we go to war? What is justice? What is the best way to organize a democratic system? These are some of the questions and subjects covered at the University of Connecticut’s Political Science department. These questions really appealed to my interests and goals.<br>
As a freshman at my current school, the University of Hartford, I first majored in Health Science. After months of hard studying and work, I then realized how this major was not for me. I could not see myself in this profession for years ahead. I began to ponder at the idea of switching my major. I then thought of which subject in high school attracted my attention. I thought of my history and civics classes. As a student I remember how involved and attracted I felt towards these subjects. More so I had a big interest in Politics. So I consulted with my advisor, Deans, and the pre law advisor and I found that my major should be Political Science.<br>
The major offered at the University of Hartford is Politics and Government. In this major it is more of a structural view of American and Global Government. It offers theory of politics and the study of law. I will officially enter the spring semester in the Pre law program. My goal is eventually after receiving my bachelors’ degree to enroll into Law School. My interests then went towards the University of Connecticut and the Political Science program. I researched and found subjects that profoundly interested me. Students are more involved in current and past issues and are involved with concepts and ideas of current political structures. In this program, students are offered Internships and an Honor Society on this subject. At UConn there are many options in where to Intern and fully prepares students in entering the real world. This school will open many doors and opportunities after graduation. It really appealed how students can especially intern in the nation’s capital in Washington D.C. I understand that not everyone is eligible for the opportunities. My past college records show that I can handle college work and live up to the academic standards to the University of Connecticut.
In my past school I have met many people and studied rigorously. I had a great time at my school. However, I feel that I need more in my education. University of Hartford has a very strong Politics program but after long and hard research I found that UConn has a much stronger program. Furthermore, I would like to bring to light the W next to my Biology class on my transcript. I studied very hard for this class and spent countless hours understanding Biology. After consulting with my advisor, I decided that it would be best to not risk the chance of failure and damage my GPA. This was a hard decision for me because I did not want this to bite me in years to come and affect my chances of more opportunities in the future. I made sure that my GPA would make up for the Withdrawal of my biology class.
This college is a great fit for my goals and interests. Clearly this school has a great number of advantages. After many visits to the campus, I can really see myself as a student of the University of Connecticut. UConn’s class offerings appeal to many other students. Alumni from this school went on to work for congress and also teach for this university and others as well. The University of Connecticut and I are a perfect fit and I hope this school will see that as well. The atmosphere fits perfectly with learning and offers students a clam setting to work under. This school will enrich my academic skills and give me a great understanding of our political system and in the long run I give me great opportunities for years to come.</p>
<p>The tense in the second sentence is wrong and the thought could probably be a little bit more fluid. It might be better to try reversing the thought: begin by saying that you are interested in Political Science questions and then relate that back to UConn. I would also avoid just throwing “goals and interests” together. They’re two totally separate things. </p>
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<p>Cut this down A LOT. Just say that you discovered that you had a passion for political science. It would be best if you could think of things that happened in college that developed your interest. I also don’t think that you need to say that you realized that health wasn’t for you. It sounds better if you only talk about the positive experience of discovering political science, not the negative experience of loosing interest in your old major. </p>
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<p>You can probably cut this down a bit. The real point here is to explain how you’ve done everything in your power to get involved with poli sci at Hartford, and how you could take your efforts to the next level by transferring to UConn. </p>
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<p>This is fairly strong, except for the last sentence. You could probably get more detailed here. Talk about specific programs. Also there seems to be some comparison between the focus of the two programs. Make that much more explicit and provide evidence showing that your prefer the focus of the UConn program. </p>
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<p>The language here needs to be more direct and you need to add details/evidence. Why is the UConn program stronger? Does it have more professors? Is it related to any specific institutes that you’re interested in? Are there any student groups/clubs (look into debate)? </p>
<p>You also don’t need to say that you’re academically ready. Your transcripts will tell them whether or not you are ready. The essay allows admissions to assess interest/fit. </p>
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<p>Nooooooo! This makes it look like you are afraid of a challenge. There are lots of reasons for someone to get a W: wanting to take a lighter courseload, trouble with personal life, busy working, etc. When admissions is looking at your transcript, they’ll assume any of these things and it won’t bother them if the rest of your transcript is solid. </p>
<p>I would advise not talking about it in the essay. Keep the essay positive. </p>
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<p>Give more details/examples. </p>
<p>Overall, I would think a lot about how the essay should be organized. Try to separate it into two/three independent points. My transfer essay had three points: 1.) Social environment, 2.) strength of engineering program, 3.) Impact on goals after graduation. </p>
<p>For each point, I think the right structure is: I want X because of specific experiences at my current school. I have taken steps to achieve X at my current school. I could achieve X more fully at the school I want to transfer to. If you organize your points that way, you can explain your interest in transferring without putting down your experience at your current school. </p>
<p>Maybe start your essay as a table, and then figure out how to word everything. </p>
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<p>Hmm. This is good advice. Look into UConn debate, iirc it has a strong team by state school standards. I don’t know if I would advise talking about specific professors, but talking about course selection and program strengths is definitely a good idea. In general, transfer essays are more concrete and evidence based than freshman essays.</p>
How is it a stronger program? The debate team? Do research! Also, it’s important to note that you’re not bashing the school you’re currently at. I know you didn’t do it in your essay, but some transfer students do it.</p>
<p>“My school only has 14 kids in the debate team, and it sucks! I’m an outgoing person, so I want to meet a lot of new people at University A!!” is different from
“Although _____'s debate team is well structured, the team at University A is larger and that will expose me to completely different~~~~” so on and so forth. </p>
<p>al6200 is right about separating your essay into parts. You should start with an outline and add details. At the end, you’ll be able to connect the parts together. Good luck! :)</p>
<p>You are making great strides in your essay–I really like the energetic, involved person I “see” in your revised essay. I think it is vastly improved already. </p>
<p>No additional comments at this intermediate phase, just letting you know I think you are on the right track. I also think you should use the second round of advice that you were given above by the new posters–it is very good.</p>
<p>If you feel the need to explain it, I’d try to fit the explanation in the middle of the essay or in a separate addendum and say something like “I choose to withdraw from my biology class because I wanted to focus on my political science classes/extracurriculars that would contribute to my long term goals”. But then again, why bring it up? There’s nothing wrong with one W. If you did well in your other classes, they’ll assume that you just didn’t feel you had the proper background.</p>