Is my transfer essay good enough

[al6200]

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Should we go to war? What is justice? What is the best way to organize a democratic system? These are some of the questions and subjects covered at the University of Connecticut’s Political Science department. These questions really appealed to my interests and goals.

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<p>The tense in the second sentence is wrong and the thought could probably be a little bit more fluid. It might be better to try reversing the thought: begin by saying that you are interested in Political Science questions and then relate that back to UConn. I would also avoid just throwing “goals and interests” together. They’re two totally separate things. </p>

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As a freshman at my current school, the University of Hartford, I first majored in Health Science. After months of hard studying and work, I then realized how this major was not for me. I could not see myself in this profession for years ahead. I began to ponder at the idea of switching my major. I then thought of which subject in high school attracted my attention. I thought of my history and civics classes. As a student I remember how involved and attracted I felt towards these subjects. More so I had a big interest in Politics. So I consulted with my advisor, Deans, and the pre law advisor and I found that my major should be Political Science.

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<p>Cut this down A LOT. Just say that you discovered that you had a passion for political science. It would be best if you could think of things that happened in college that developed your interest. I also don’t think that you need to say that you realized that health wasn’t for you. It sounds better if you only talk about the positive experience of discovering political science, not the negative experience of loosing interest in your old major. </p>

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The major offered at the University of Hartford is Politics and Government. In this major it is more of a structural view of American and Global Government. It offers theory of politics and the study of law. I will officially enter the spring semester in the Pre law program. My goal is eventually after receiving my bachelors’ degree to enroll into Law School. My interests then went towards the University of Connecticut and the Political Science program. I researched and found subjects that profoundly interested me.

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<p>You can probably cut this down a bit. The real point here is to explain how you’ve done everything in your power to get involved with poli sci at Hartford, and how you could take your efforts to the next level by transferring to UConn. </p>

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Students are more involved in current and past issues and are involved with concepts and ideas of current political structures. In this program, students are offered Internships and an Honor Society on this subject. At UConn there are many options in where to Intern and fully prepares students in entering the real world. This school will open many doors and opportunities after graduation. It really appealed how students can especially intern in the nation’s capital in Washington D.C. I understand that not everyone is eligible for the opportunities.

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<p>This is fairly strong, except for the last sentence. You could probably get more detailed here. Talk about specific programs. Also there seems to be some comparison between the focus of the two programs. Make that much more explicit and provide evidence showing that your prefer the focus of the UConn program. </p>

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My past college records show that I can handle college work and live up to the academic standards to the University of Connecticut.
In my past school I have met many people and studied rigorously. I had a great time at my school. However, I feel that I need more in my education. University of Hartford has a very strong Politics program but after long and hard research I found that UConn has a much stronger program.

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<p>The language here needs to be more direct and you need to add details/evidence. Why is the UConn program stronger? Does it have more professors? Is it related to any specific institutes that you’re interested in? Are there any student groups/clubs (look into debate)? </p>

<p>You also don’t need to say that you’re academically ready. Your transcripts will tell them whether or not you are ready. The essay allows admissions to assess interest/fit. </p>

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Furthermore, I would like to bring to light the W next to my Biology class on my transcript. I studied very hard for this class and spent countless hours understanding Biology. After consulting with my advisor, I decided that it would be best to not risk the chance of failure and damage my GPA. This was a hard decision for me because I did not want this to bite me in years to come and affect my chances of more opportunities in the future. I made sure that my GPA would make up for the Withdrawal of my biology class.

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<p>Nooooooo! This makes it look like you are afraid of a challenge. There are lots of reasons for someone to get a W: wanting to take a lighter courseload, trouble with personal life, busy working, etc. When admissions is looking at your transcript, they’ll assume any of these things and it won’t bother them if the rest of your transcript is solid. </p>

<p>I would advise not talking about it in the essay. Keep the essay positive. </p>

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This college is a great fit for my goals and interests. Clearly this school has a great number of advantages. After many visits to the campus, I can really see myself as a student of the University of Connecticut. UConn’s class offerings appeal to many other students. Alumni from this school went on to work for congress and also teach for this university and others as well. The University of Connecticut and I are a perfect fit and I hope this school will see that as well. The atmosphere fits perfectly with learning and offers students a clam setting to work under. This school will enrich my academic skills and give me a great understanding of our political system and in the long run I give me great opportunities for years to come.

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<p>Give more details/examples. </p>

<p>Overall, I would think a lot about how the essay should be organized. Try to separate it into two/three independent points. My transfer essay had three points: 1.) Social environment, 2.) strength of engineering program, 3.) Impact on goals after graduation. </p>

<p>For each point, I think the right structure is: I want X because of specific experiences at my current school. I have taken steps to achieve X at my current school. I could achieve X more fully at the school I want to transfer to. If you organize your points that way, you can explain your interest in transferring without putting down your experience at your current school. </p>

<p>Maybe start your essay as a table, and then figure out how to word everything. </p>

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@Anika

1 - I think any references to how pretty the campus is or how nice you find the dorms is wasted ink. You need to talk about why the campus is an <em>academic</em> fit for you. What special programs unique to the college can you mention? A specific professor you want to study with? A debate club at the college? Any aspect of how your major in constructed? Do your research… WHY is it a good academic fit? Dig deep.

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<p>Hmm. This is good advice. Look into UConn debate, iirc it has a strong team by state school standards. I don’t know if I would advise talking about specific professors, but talking about course selection and program strengths is definitely a good idea. In general, transfer essays are more concrete and evidence based than freshman essays.</p>