<p>I’m with Longhaul, though I believe the high schools were more important to some of my kids than the others. I lived in one district that had wonderfully run elementary schools that funneled into 2 not so good middle schools, to a highschool that if your kid were not in the honors track, it was a huge problem. My kids never made those cuts yet got accepted to some of the best private schools in the country. They would not have gotten advanced courses in high school. My one son was in classes with kids who clearly were not going to be college bound and who had a lot of issues. When I asked about SAT2s and the course material, the teacher had no idea what I was talking about. Their “STEP” or “HA” programs were the ones that got bragging rights to college accepances, AP classes, covering SAT2 material, etc, and the kids had to qualify to get accepted. They actually had gatekeeping tactics that kept kids out. I know because my kids were “outs”. Sent them to private schools and they were taking 5-9 AP courses and getting 4s and 5s on them. What a difference.</p>
<p>I also agree that placing a child in private school at any point in time is not a commitment to so keep them there. If your child is well placed in a high school with tracks, that can make a world of difference. In the wrong track for the child, it’s a whole other story.</p>
<p>My younger children went to private catholic schools that were not so expensive as the independent day schools the older ones attended. I do believe our local public school system was better in their upper tracks than the school the younger ones attended, but the community,the other kids, the structure and a whole lot of other things worked better in the private school. Academics was just one part of the picture. Private school opened a lot of opportunities that they would not have had in the public school which is very competitive and non inclusive. What a disgrace when a district starts out with hundreds of soccer players in the rec league and only 20 kids make the team in middle school. The same, only worse with basket ball and other sports. The private schools had kids in any sport they pleased. A lot of the kids did not find good pasttimes to take up the slack. It’s ridiculous that the private schools here are more enclusive in opportunites than the public but that was how it works. Sometimes in very dramatic ways. For us it was money well spent as many of the opportunities and experiences really are limited to childhood. My kids all had wonderful experiences and learned so many things that would not have happened in the public schools here that make the top lists. For us it was very much worth it.</p>
<p>Really depends on the kid and the private school options. We checked out several. We have many friends who send their kids to private schools. There was only one that we would ever have considered but since it was half our income at the time, not ever going to happen for us. The others looked beautiful and had amazing perks but were either too religious and/or too rigid academically. At the non-religious private high school, there is one path and it is meant to lead to the Ivy League. The kids we know attending are pushed to the max, have no time to do anything “frivolous” (like go to a movie or do an activity that isn’t resume worthy,) and break down in tears often. </p>
<p>We opted to stay in the public system but really explore the options. My eldest attended our local public which was “no big deal” but offered her an incredibly personalized and flexible education. For middle, she went to the local middle that continued those offerings for her, an arts magnet for first 2 years of high school and ended in a public middle college program the last two years. All but the first 2 high school years were fantastic. She got into some great college with lots of merit offerings. My youngest did elementary at a local tri-lingual immersion school (public,) same local middle and now entering a well-known tech charter for high school (that doesn’t have AP classes and doesn’t even use textbooks but has all the elite schools clamoring to recruit there.)</p>
<p>What I’m suggesting is that, depending on your area, there may be options that don’t cost 25K a year. It’s absolutely worth checking them out first.</p>
<p>OP, it really depends. And the answer may change over time. Is the public middle school or high school better?</p>
<p>Check out the privates and the publics, including any charters and any possibility of going to a public outside of your district or attendance zone. Then you have to weigh the benefits of private vs the benefits of public. Then factor in the cost. It sounds like private will be a reach for you guys. You will have to make some big lifestyle changes. </p>
<p>My kids went public. When they were young the choice was clear. The public was better than any private in the area. We moved when they were a little older and the picture was more complex. The public was good but not great. There were some privates that were better, but they were far away (too much time in the car and friends too far away), and didn’t offer enough extras, like sports and music. </p>
<p>The other factor that kept my kids in public school was my desire to have them be around more different kinds of people. One highly ranked private was only smart kids, academically smart kids. It wasn’t a place for artists or athletes or musicians or even dreamy nonconformists. The other had too many rich kids; it was uniformly very high income. If your folks didn’t drive a late model, expensive car, you would feel poor. I didn’t want my kids to grow up in a bubble or to feel like they needed to wear brand name clothing. One child in particular would have had an easy time going to school with kids like him, the smart, privileged boys, but was socially awkward around anyone who wasn’t like him. He needed to learn how to get along with more kinds of people. </p>
<p>And as others have said reexamine your choice every year. The public school situation could change. Your child’s needs could change. Our middle schools are academically mediocre, but great in sports and other ECs, and have good administrations. I felt like the kids were treading water in some academic subjects, but were learning and growing socially. The big, public high school had so many different offerings both academically and EC-wise the choice was easy.</p>
<p>My D went to private schools for 10 years and then a public high school for her last two years. We changed mainly for sports. She found that the public school was better. We now feel like we screwed up and the extra money we paid to the private schools would be nice to have in college. The private schools tried to keep everyone happy and generally were not realistic in their assessments of many students (in order to keep parents paying?). The kids at the private school were very entitled. The public high school was more rigorous, had more competition and had better teachers, generally. She made more friends at the public school. All of the schools were highly rated. Your results may vary…</p>
<p>My husband went to private school for many years and then transferred to his public school for sports too. So the decisions are not permanent.</p>
<p>Also just about any general statement made about any of this may not hold at all in a particular case. Sometimes it’s clear which schools are better for a kid. For us it was amazingly clear. Sometimes not so clear. Sometimes it’s a mixed bag. </p>
<p>So much of this decision comes down to the individual child. For the average child, an average public elementary school will probably be just fine. It gets complicated if the child has any kind of learning differences or personality quirks. </p>
<p>One of my children attended private schools PK-12. At the end of third grade we switched from one which was excellent academically, but where he (and we) felt like fish out of water because the school was just too rigid and conservative. Our local elementary school was mediocre and we felt it would not have been a great fit for him. (It was also in a slightly different socioeconomic area, where the values of the average family were different than ours. In this case, we wanted more academic rigor, less busy-work and aggressive PTO fundraisers, etc.)</p>
<p>We ended up switching him to another, much more expensive private school–an independent, Quaker PK-8 school that had everything we were looking for. It would not have been right for every kid or every family, but it was perfect for our son and he really blossomed there and formed a number of wonderful friendships. When it came time for high school, we considered both our local HS and a number of independent schools. Frankly, I think he would have done fine at any of them, because of the outstanding foundation he’d already received, but the independent school he ended up at (his favorite and the one that offered the most FA) was an excellent choice–for him. Did it guarantee his admissions to an “elite” college or university? No, it did not. If anything, it may have hurt him slightly because it turned out this school is the choice of many very prominent families–not just in terms of wealth or business connections, but in terms of their academic connections. It’s not always easy competing with such privileged kids, but in the end we felt, regardless of any adverse affects that might have on his college choices, no one could take the very fine education he received away from him. That was his to keep . . . forever.</p>
<p>There’s a lot of talk about “fit” on CC in choosing colleges; the same is true about pre-school, elementary school, etc. Know your kids. They’re all different and some will flourish anywhere. Others will . . . eventually, if you get them a firm foundation in their earliest years. Another group will do fine until they’re older and then may require a place more tailored to their unique needs to meet their full potential. </p>
<p>Private schools are very expensive. Sometimes the cost is worth it, sometimes it’s not. I’m very happy with the education my S has received; it was so good that I feel he can more than hold his own at a large state flagship university. We could have hung on to all the money we spent on his education and “saved” it for a more selective private university he may or may not have gained admission to, but I have no regrets.</p>
<p>The other thing to remember is that kids don’t always turn out exactly the way you expect them to. My kid didn’t utter a word until he was three years old. I remember his bursting into tears in preschool and running to hide when he was expected to sing with his classmates at some holiday event. Fast forward a decade and a half, and he was an accomplished actor and director, who danced and sang solos in a number of performances. Who could have predicted that! </p>
<p>Our children will often confound and surprise us. That’s part of the beautiful and sublime of parenting.</p>
<p>This is an interesting question. I attended public school, as did both of my kids. I’m a big proponent of public schools (when they are well-run). However I now work in a private school and I can see why people would choose it. </p>
<p>I had previously thought private school was all about getting your kid into the best college. That’s not true. At my school, it’s about preparing your child to succeed WHEREVER they end up going, for college and for life. </p>
<p>Many of our graduates end up choosing less highly-rated colleges or state schools because they are offered significant merit money and/or honors programs. Their parents have paid $20k/year for their secondary schooling and can’t afford to shell out $50k plus for a top-rated college. But here’s the thing - these kids not only survive but thrive, and go on to prestigious careers and grad schools, because they are so well prepared for college. They graduate without loans (or with small loans) because of the merit scholarships. They build relationships with professors and earn top grades. In many cases they stand out at their colleges (big fish, small pond) because of what they’ve learned in high school - not only academic content, but study skills, time-management, etc. Of course, we have kids that go to top schools as well, and they are also successful. </p>
<p>Secondary school isn’t only about getting into a top college. It’s about preparing for life. IF your public schools are not doing a good job of that, I’d definitely look at local privates. </p>
<p>And a good point to remember - you don’t have to commit to many years of paying tuition when you switch to a private school. If it doesn’t turn out to be all you’d hoped, leave after a year and go back to the public. The public HAS to take your child back in, so there’s really no downside to trying something new, except paying one year’s tuition.</p>
<p>Op,
We have put 2 kids thru elite private for most of their k-12 ed at a tuition cost similar to the cost you are considering. Of course the answer will varying depending on the child, and the 2 schools in question, but a few things to consider: ( I am assuming public HS is fairly large and private HS is fairly small)
- Get the HS profiles which show which colleges the grads attend, 25-75% sat scores, number of ap classes etc. Pvt school might be feeder into certain colleges, have more indivualized college counseling and the have smaller class sizes but have fewer courses available. Public may have more class options, more EC options, more diversity.
2 ECs such as sports and plays: in pvt school it’s much easier to make the team so they get a varied EC experience and leadership . In public school the teams have much better skills so you can reach higher levels of skill and competition. - Social: in pvt school, the kids are more genteel with adults because they are expected to interact with parents since the community is smaller. the parents tend to know one another so others can tell you what is happening with your kid if you kid does not tell u much. Generally easier for kids to not get in trouble. In public, kids are exposed to a broader range of socioeconomic classes, cliques, viewpoints, personalities which gives a broader range of friendship options.
- Depends on the kid: at rigorous HS, kid might do well when kid feels like it is ok to be smart or kid may withdraw and disengage when they are doing a ton of work but are still near the bottom of the class. Kid at public might be happy to be in top 5% of class when would have been in top 25% at pvt or kid migh be The type that does the bare minimum to skate by and those minimums are lower at public than private.</p>
<p>Our costs/income are similar to yours and it has been quite a stretch financially. We felt that education is very important so committed to spending the money. Was a good investment in Dd. For DS, who has ADHD inattentive , it was more of an insurance policy to make sure that he did not fall thru the cracks in Ed or fall in with the wrong crowd (managing the downside risk). We didn’t take a proper vacation for 4 years. You just have to figure out your own personal priorities. </p>
<p>As others have said, a cheaper way to do things would be a public school interdistrict transfer, moving to a different school district, or public thru elementary and switch to private at middle school. Or you could buy a condo in a better school district and the family can live there during the week and go back to home on weekends.</p>
<p>I sent you a PM, @AnnieBeats.</p>
<p>But this</p>
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<p>is what I plan to do in the future, hopefully regardless of whether my hypothetical future children go to private school or not (which I bet they won’t, as I don’t see my husband and I having the kind of resources to send them). I’m a big believer in the idea of excellent public education and about parents who have the resources pushing to make public education better. My mom was also really involved in my education as a child, and I think it helped emphasize to me how critical education was.</p>
<p>This is a really personal decision. For our family the answer was: YES!
We thought about moving to a better school district with higher priced homes and higher taxes. This option would have still been cheaper than private school. We selected the private school. No vacations and driving old cars for several years. I will never regret that decision. </p>
<p>If your child were on the low end of the learning scale most parents would never hesitate to spend the money and cut back on other expenses. If you child is on the very top of the learning scale shouldn’t you make the same sacrifices? </p>
<p>We just finished being public school parents. Along the way, we spent 8 years driving both girls to a magnet elementary school that was a gem. </p>
<p>Our elder daughter then attended a private middle school (a total of 40 kids) and re-enrolled in a public high school. Our younger daughter went to the local public middle and then on to the same public high as her sister. </p>
<p>The magnet elementary was in a poor part of town and I had a hard time at first, since I grew up in a similar neighborhood. We found UT Knoxville faculty as well as business people and artists sending their kids there. Appearances truly are skin deep. </p>
<p>If we had to do it again, we’d have sent both to the private middle and then back to the public high school. The high school offered both a strong program of honors and AP courses, sports, clubs, and a diverse student population with kids from all social strata and backgrounds: rich, poor, middle class, immigrants, Christian, Muslim, and the rest. Both girls have a real love of learning, gained at home and cultivated at school, which by the way, was quite clean.</p>
<p>Definitely read a copy of The Millionaire Next Door. It’s an eye opener as you contemplate your choices.</p>
<p>There is no way for strangers on the internet to compare your public school with the private schools in your area or to know what’s best for your child. We live in district with top-rated public schools, but still sent our kids to a private high school. It wasn’t even a top-rated high school. It was just a really good fit. And at $28K a year, it was a bargain compared to the $45K prep schools we looked at. </p>
<p>Okay, a little update for you all! Hubby and I have restructured our budget to try to accommodate a school. We found a school tht both my husband and I loved. It has that personal touch that I think my daughter needs. Although, I will say that hubby got into quite the argument with his family over the prestige and status of our lifestyle. But tht is besides the point. You all were very helpful. We will try it for middle school and see how it works for her, if not, we will try to get her into the school my oldest went to for high school.</p>
<p>AnnieBeats -</p>
<p>Since you have several kids still in the pipeline, agreeing to a formal strategy of moving as necessary to guarantee better schools is definitely something to consider. It is truly hard to imagine any grandparent who couldn’t get behind that idea.</p>
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<p>I have a hard time imagining why they would care so much about your family’s prestige and status through expensive spending habits, particularly when such expensive spending habits will compromise the educational choices available to your kid (their grandkid?).</p>
<p>I have two kids, one attended top private schools through grad school, the other attended public after 2nd grade.
You aren’t in the same situation because you wouldn’t need financial aid and you have a big house, but my impression is that my child who attended private schools, although I didn’t realize it at the time, began to feel that the life she had with us, couldnt measure up to the life her classmates were enjoying & she still resents the heck out of us for it. </p>
<p>Many people in this area, are happy with public elementary schools, pay for private middle schools, but back to public for high school. Perhaps some thing like that would work for you.</p>
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<p>I have to advise you to nip this in the bud. Your spending habits are not everyone’s business. </p>
<p>I am glad you and your husband were able to agree on something that works for you. </p>
<p>@ProudPatriot Well, I had to provide some context for my concern. I don’t feel uncomfortable sharing what I shared. I am still very much anonymous on CC. If you really aren’t interested in seeing this, I think it is kinda obvious what you should do… Have a nice day! :)</p>
<p>I understand your concerns about anonymity. I wasn’t trying to upset you but it seems I did that. I’m sorry. </p>