<p>On manners, I think generally people who feel entitled mostly demonstrate worse manners than those who do not. You see this reflected in how some people treat service people. I really believe that the private school manners and confidence derive from the fact that the relationships with adults differ in a private school setting. Adults are primarily “in your corner” and discipline is meted out more kindly. These early positive relationships with non parental adults create more confidence when interacting with adults. Manners are the norm for adults and kids.</p>
<p>I definitely think private school admissions people have some relationships with college admissions and that they use those to help kids secure admissions spots. I think the colleges foster these relationships as much as the other way around since they hope the most talented students from these high schools will apply to their colleges.</p>
<p>Back in MY day (you can roll your eyes) we learned “manner” stuff in PUBLIC school. In elementary school. Not a huge deal. Just a part of what you needed to know to be “good”. Opening doors, table manners, etc. We did “dance lessons” too. Pretty much stuff left to cotillion these days.
I can recognize young people who have been trained in etiquette immediately. They appear more poised and socially adept than those who haven’t been “trained in the social graces”.</p>
<p>We live in an affluent enclave and the private kids seem to have their crap together. Top schools, top internships, etc. The public grads are hit or miss. Is it the school or is their concentrated success a product of their socio economic status? I don’t know. But I know what ethos I want my children in. Publics can be great, but when you have any and everyone in the community there and it’s run by the government, they’re risky. Most of the smartest and wealthiest families I know choose to send their kids to privates even though they pay taxes for fantastic publics. I don’t think they’re doing it for bragging rights.</p>
I suspect it is mostly due to the latter. I think my child, after having been in a private college, is fully aware that even though he and some other student attend the same college, the “road ahead” after graduation is very likely quite different. It is too naive to believe that after you get into the same college, you will likely be the same as other student who came from a very different SES.</p>
The only private schools in our area are faith-based - either Catholic or fundamentalist. Most of the wealthy families I know do send their kids to Catholic school, high school in particular, for the bragging rights and snob appeal and hold their noses about the religious part. And this is an area with open transfer between public schools and the top academic high school in the state. </p>
<p>In my kid’s private, a quarter of the students were on financial aide and not from wealthy families. There was also more ethnic diversity.
Because our public is in an affluent area, the students who attend are also from affluent families. I don’t think the difference is mostly socioeconomic. Affluent families don’t necessarily put the same emphasis on education and academic success. In our public school, it seems that athletic success trumped academics much of the time.</p>
<p>If athletics is your priority, a large public that participates in Div.I sports actually might be a better fit than a small private that is in Div. III. If you’re looking for balance, that is easier to achieve in a smaller school where accommodations are often made so that everything works, and students don’t have to sacrifice one for the other.</p>
<p>@Bestfriendsgirl No, they’re not. Wealthy people appreciate the product.</p>
<p>“Most of the wealthy families I know do send their kids to Catholic school, high school in particular, for the bragging rights and snob appeal and hold their noses about the religious part.”</p>
<p>Remember, though, that there is a selection effect at the private school. Students and/or parents selected the private school for whatever reason, as opposed to going to the default choice of the public school.</p>
<p>For a private school that is academically elite, presumably the students or their parents selected it for academic reasons. That can also apply to other private schools, such as students at a religious private school being there because they or their parents want the religious environment.</p>
<p>The same can apply to public charter or magnet schools.</p>
<p>There are benefits to your children being around a higher concentration of students/families who value education. There is no filter at a community school. Not only do you not want your children sharing classroom space with some of the very low-achieving students, you don’t want to run the risk of them associating with them. Privates have their problems too, but they are under no obligation to keep the problem childs enrolled.</p>
<p>However, if the kid never learns how to interact with non-elite kids while growing up, what happens when s/he has to interact with non-elite people in the workplace or daily life?</p>
<p>It depends on the child, too. Our son went to private school for the majority of K-12 education. Our daughter went to public school. He needed the structure and more rigid discipline afforded by the nearby Catholic school. She benefits from the more advanced curriculum, especially in math and science, at our local public school, which is much larger and much more diverse. In our suburban locale, private high school choices are very limited. </p>
<p>The private high schools around here (mostly Catholic) tend to be more sports oriented and less academically demanding than the highest track at the public schools.</p>
<p>The public school in my area is looked upon with higher esteem than most any of the Catholic schools. Some of the top schools in the country around here, and people rightfully would be curious why we were spending the money to send our kids to private schools when the public were all around better. </p>
<p>Well, all around, was not specific to my kids. I had kids without the slightest interest in academics. The ability was there, not at the top of the top level, but with sufficient leeway to have mastered a college prep curriculum. The private schools basically force fed them the materials and got them to a higher level than they deserved. Yes, their education was bought and paid for by us, the parents. Other reasons too, but none of them would have been sufficient to have had us spend what we did for private schools. My kids have the best academic education they could have gotten, I am convinced, the way we proceeded. What they do with it is their own business, but they have it. They read things, learned things, know things, that they never would have left to their own devices and up to the triage system that the public schools here use. </p>
<p>@ellen3 - I’m not saying they don’t appreciate the product. But they are absolutely holding their nose about the religious aspect. Otherwise they wouldn’t be complaining about Catholic beliefs such as praying for the dead, or sitting in a pew reading a newspaper during the weekly school Mass instead of showing respect, etc. </p>
<p>
I got a lot of this from my non-Catholic inlaws when my kids were in K-8 Catholic school. As it turned out, my kids were the “non-elites” in a school full of “elite” kids whose parents wanted to avoid public schools at all costs. I even considered pulling them out because of this, but I refused allow my kids to be deprived of the faith-based education I wanted for them because of a few parents with messed-up priorities who considered themselves local high society. </p>
<p>I think the concern about kids being unduly sheltered by private school so that they don’t have to interact with non-elite kids and therefore will be unable to relate to others from other backgrounds is very unfounded. Both my sons went to private their whole lives, but play baseball on community teams with kids from all kinds of backgrounds. They are actually pretty friendly to people that they meet. My son is doing an internship, and one of his supervisors has been to prison on a drug related offense and has clearly had children at a very, very young age. Definitely not the same background or socioeconomic class, and my son thinks he’s a great guy and tells me about him constantly. Kids who are confident and who see good role models of how to treat others well will do the same regardless of the background of the people they meet. If anything, I more worry that they might be too trusting/gullible. . .sometimes being a bit more cynical or judgemental can be an asset.</p>
<p>The word “elite” is a stretch. There are very few “elite” private schools. Most private schools are $8,000-10,000 per year. “Elite” is when you can afford a $30,000 day school or a $40,000-50,000 boarding.</p>
<p>@Bestfriendsgirl The overwhelming majority of the parents at my kids’ school aren’t religious nuts. Neither are the kids. I don’t see the snob appeal that public parents are always so convinced of. I see parents who simply don’t want their kid in a POTENTIALLY dysfunctional public, or associating with riff-raff the publics have to take in. And privates generally do a better job teaching, as they aren’t weighed with bureaucracy, teachers unions, distracting riff-raff.</p>
<p>"@ellen3 - I’m not saying they don’t appreciate the product. But they are absolutely holding their nose about the religious aspect. Otherwise they wouldn’t be complaining about Catholic beliefs such as praying for the dead, or sitting in a pew reading a newspaper during the weekly school Mass instead of showing respect, etc."</p>
<p>Riff-raff are the bottom students at most publics in the US. Unmotivated, uninvolved parents, drugs, crappy grades, discipline or legal issues. I’m not suggesting all public school children are riff-raff. But when you send your child to a public they share classrooms and hallways with them. The riff-raff will be at the same parties. There aren’t really any riff-raff to speak of at the school we send our children to. That doesn’t make us snobs, that makes us parents who are lucky enough to be able to afford a school that doesn’t have those issues.</p>