Is the Electoral College a PARTY school??

Applying to College
1

<p>someone actually asked that lol....stupid freshmen</p>

<p>Anyway, I just finished writing my first draft of third question of the UC Application, which is the open-ended one about anything. will u guys read it and give me any and all constructive feedback?? This is my 200-word one</p>

<p>THANKS A LOT IN ADVANCE!</p>

<hr>

<p>The call to prayer sounded as I headed to the mosque for the first time since moving America. Along the entrance of the mosque stood numerous flags, fluttering in the wind, from across the world. I tried to find ones familiar to me. Saudi Arabia’s, the same flag I was accustomed to seeing every morning for the first ten years of my life. Egypt’s. My mother’s birthplace. Turkey’s red and white one. Half of my mother’s family lived there. Sudan’s. My father’s native county. America’s. My new homeland.</p>

<p>When people ask me where I’m from, I often find that it takes me a while to explain. I’m Sudanese-Egyptian-Turkish-Saudi Arabian-American in that order, I jokingly tell them. The perplexed reactions on their faces confirm my unique cultural diversity. I grew up surrounded by different, and at some times conflicting, cultures. Co-ed schools in America puzzled me, completely different from schools in Saudi, where boys and girls were separated in all respects. The Sudanese custom of greeting is reserved for only royalty in Saudi Arabia. My melting pot of cultures has taught me the need for diversity, yet the importance of holding on to the value of tradition, regardless of how many traditions there are to hold on to.</p>

2

<p>I dunno, mine didn't have an introduction like that...I thought it was too short to have one and I was very matter of fact. I thought someone said UC would rather have something to the point than flowery language? </p>

<p>Also the introduction paragraph seems to not flow well with the second. It seemed like it just kind of jumped. Work on the transition. You started talking about the first time you were at a mosque and then your ethnicity. I'm not really too keen on the fragment thing. </p>

<p>just my opinion</p>

3

<p>yea, i'll probably ocmbine both paragraphs and add the word "fittingly" in front of "when people ask me..."....so it'll be like this:</p>

<p>The call to prayer sounded as I headed to the mosque for the first time since moving America. Along the entrance of the mosque stood numerous flags, fluttering in the wind, from across the world. I tried to find ones familiar to me. Saudi Arabia’s, the same flag I was accustomed to seeing every morning for the first ten years of my life. Egypt’s. My mother’s birthplace. Turkey’s red and white one. Half of my mother’s family lived there. Sudan’s. My father’s native county. America’s. My new homeland. Fittingly, when people ask me where I’m from, I often find that it takes me a while to explain. I’m Sudanese-Egyptian-Turkish-Saudi Arabian-American in that order, I jokingly tell them. The perplexed reactions on their faces confirm my unique cultural diversity. I grew up surrounded by different, and at some times conflicting, cultures. Co-ed schools in America puzzled me, completely different from schools in Saudi, where boys and girls were separated in all respects. The Sudanese custom of greeting is reserved for only royalty in Saudi Arabia. My melting pot of cultures has taught me the need for diversity, yet the importance of holding on to the value of tradition, regardless of how many traditions there are to hold on to.</p>

<p>about the fragments, i dont really like them either, but i'm already at 206 words, so i dont know what to do with them?? :(</p>

4

<p>why not use colons and semi colons? They're fun. look! ^_^</p>

<p>Along the entrance of the mosque stood numerous flags, fluttering in the wind, from across the world. I tried to find ones familiar to me: Saudi Arabia's green; the same flag I was accustomed to seeing every morning for the first ten years of my life, Egypt’s red, white and black; my mother’s birthplace, Turkey's red and white; half of my mother’s family lived there, Sudan’s green, red, white and black; my father’s native county, America’s stars and stripes; my new homeland.</p>

<p>something like that..or get rid of the flag color thing and just say you recognize the countries.</p>

5

<p>thanks for the helpful suggestion!! here's my almost-final draft:</p>

<p>The call to prayer sounded as I headed to the mosque for the first time since moving America. Along the entrance of the mosque stood numerous flags, fluttering in the wind, from across the world. I tried to find ones familiar to me: Saudi Arabia’s green, the same flag I was accustomed to seeing every morning for the first ten years of my life; Egypt’s red and black, my mother’s birthplace; Turkey’s red, where my father’s family lived; Sudan’s green, red, and black, my father’s native county; and America’s red white and blue, my new homeland. Fittingly, when people ask me where I’m from, I often find that it takes me a while to explain. I’m Sudanese-Egyptian-Turkish-Saudi Arabian-American in that order, I jokingly tell them. The perplexed reactions on their faces confirm my unique cultural diversity. I grew up surrounded by different, and at some times conflicting, cultures. Co-ed schools in America puzzled me, completely different from schools in Saudi Arabia, where boys and girls are separated in all respects. The Sudanese custom of kissing on the shoulder while greeting is reserved for only royalty in Saudi Arabia. My multifaceted heritage has taught me the value of preserving my customs, while accepting, admiring and respecting other cultures.</p>

6

<p>you have the semi colons and commas backwards</p>

<p>I tried to find ones familiar to me: Saudi Arabia’s green; the same flag I was accustomed to seeing every morning for the first ten years of my life, Egypt’s red and black; my mother’s birthplace, Turkey’s red; where my father’s family lived, Sudan’s green, red, and black; my father’s native county, and America’s red white and blue; my new homeland.</p>

<p><a href="http://chuma.cas.usf.edu/%7Eolson/pms/semicolon.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://chuma.cas.usf.edu/~olson/pms/semicolon.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

7

<p>Shouldn't it be, "for the first time since moving TO America."?</p>

<p>I wouldn't use contractions. Even though I am using them right now! lol Write out "I am" at least a couple of times. Just a suggestion.</p>

8

<p>i dont think the commas and semicolons r switched.... Saudi Arabia is the one i was used to seeing eveyr morning, egypt was my mother's birthplace, sudan was my father's native country, etc. so wouldn't it make sense to have the country's flag followed by a comma about what that flag means to me and then separate the flags with a colon? i dunno....i'll take a look at that website</p>

<p>thanks for ur helpful suggestions.....any others have comments?</p>

9

<p>doesn't really show anything about yourself</p>

<p>dont use cliches</p>