<p>Page 453 of the blue book for those BB owners who want to read the excerpt provided.</p>
<p>Prompt: *Do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better? *</p>
<pre><code> The advent of new technologies has altered the human lifestyle drastically. We seek to reap the benefits of these new changes rather than find the negatives. As seen by the precarious procedure of heart surgery, Eli Whitney's cotton gin, and the ironically "extra effort" needed to work a food processor; change does not always make our lives easier.
The development of the heart surgery procedure during the Middle Ages of Europe has saved a few lives over the years. However, there is one important caveat. Even with the result of a successful heart transplant, there is still a great chance that infections or other debilitating conditions come along with it. If a serious condition occurred in the onset, the patient may have to spend a significant portion of his life back in the hospital. This brings up the issue whether it is better for one to live a life of suffering and pain or one to die naturally without the agony. Regardless, the heart surgery can easily be viewed upon as a bane rather than a boon. Rest assured, coming out of heart surgery does not necessarily guarantee a long, problem-free life.
People think inventions of the 20th century are revolutionary. They are revolutionary but not necessarily in the positive sense. For example, a company advertised a food processor on television, claiming that their product saved plenty of time for mothers in the kitchen. My mom, persuaded by the "revolutionary" propoganda, bought into this "revolutionary" object. Little did she know that the food processor made her life more hectic. The time it took to clean the contraption was greater than the time it took to cut the vegetables; rendering the machine as unuseful.
Eli Whitney's cotton gin increased the production and sale of cotton. However it also increased the need for slaves to work the machines. More Africans were sent over to the South; where they were exploited.
Inventions may save time or money, but they do not save the certain guarantees of life. What makes life easier can paradoxically make life worse.
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<p>^^ thanks for the critique borb. The problem was that i did not have much room to write for my 3rd example and conclusion. So i could not expand more on the 3rd example nor refer my examples in my conclusion. i’m guessing i should write smaller?</p>
<p>and also if i did those 2 things you mentioned, do you think it would be a 11 or a 12 essay?</p>
<p>I’d say at least a 10. You’re conclusion and last paragraph were weak though. It’s a good rule of thumb to not allow your conclusion or last body paragraph to be weak (if you have one weak example hide it in between body paragraphs). That’s one of the things the reader definitely remembers when scoring the essay after reading. If you have a strong 2nd body paragraph (which you did), but are running out of room for your 3rd and conclusion, then I’d say go back to your introduction and cross out the precursor to the 3rd body paragraph and write a strong conclusion.</p>
<p>I think you’d have gotten a higher score with just a strong conclusion instead of a weak paragraph on the cotton gin and a weak conclusion.</p>
<p>Also, your cotton gin paragraph is kind of weak in idea anyways. Though the reader would agree it certainly made life worse for Africans, he might think about how it made life easier for plantation owners. If there is an obvious counterargument to one of your examples you need to refute it. But like you said, you were running out of room, so I would recommend cutting out that paragraph and jumping straight to the conclusion.</p>
<p>thanks for the analysis rk33! so if i took out the 3rd example and replaced it with a longer conclusion, do you think i could have gotten a 11 or 12?</p>
<p>Yeah for sure. You’re last paragraph and conclusion is what leaves a lasting impression to the reader. You’re introduction is important too because it sets a feel for the reader and gives a first impression. But the conclusion/last paragraph is huge because that’s what they’re going to remember the most when they’re grading it.</p>
<p>Lol I hate it when I run out of space as well…And I don’t get what ppl mean by write smaller…I just write on each line that they provide so what the heck do they mean by write smaller? Like squeeze two lines of text on each line of the paper???</p>
<p>I have a friend who can fit a 5 sentence per paragraph 5 paragraph essay in about 20 lines. Trust me, you don’t wanna write too small. If I had to grade is paper I’d give him a 0</p>
<p>I love writing like that. My elementary school teacher used to say that he didn’t know if his eyes got worse every year or if my handwriting got smaller. And my Latin teacher would see me half-page translation from afar and believe I had only begun the story when I was finished.</p>