is this a good SAP Appeal letter?

<p>Dear Academic Progress Appeals Committee,
I am writing this statement concerning my current financial aid suspension. I attended ----- in the fall of 2010 and continued until the spring of 2012. During my school year, especially during the spring of 2012, my academic performance severely declined due to health issues.
I was diagnosed with Focal Segmental Glomerulosclerosis. However, until the spring of 2012, I did not realize the seriousness of this illnesss because my disease seemed to be under control However, I was constantly dizzy and my blood pressure was uncontrollably high even though I took medication daily.
When I eventually found out was that my disease was made worse by my anxiety and it was scary to learn that it can lead to kidney failure and even death. This was very shocking to me to be in this predicament as a 21 year old. My entire focus went from my academics to my personal fight for life and health due to the seriousness of this debilitating disease. Needless to say, I pretty much gave up everything and did whatever I felt was more important thinking that my life was in danger of being cut short from kidney failure and dying.
On top of my health issues, I also had financial problems. My mother is a single parent who takes care of my brother and me. We live in 1br/studio apartment. Also, my brother and I do not even have driver’s licenses because my family cannot afford insurance.
During the spring of 2012, my family’s financial problems worsened. Seeing my mother’s tears grieved me so deeply that I seriously thought of discontinuing my education and give up on my dreams to find a job.
I have now changed my mind and regained the will to complete my studies. I am strongly motivated by the thought of my mother’s number one reason why she brought us to America. She wanted to provide a better life and wanted to give me opportunities to achieve my dreams. My dreams are to become a top ranked researcher in the pharmaceutical field. I am going to develop medicine for FSGS and kidney failure so every patient like me won’t have to give up on their dreams and suffer.
I am a very determined young woman who wants a brighter and happier future for myself and my family. Through these hard situations I have grown stronger. I would like to continue my education at -----. I believe resuming my education at ---- is a crucial step forward in order to achieve my dreams.
I truly appreciate a second chance so that I can fulfill my destiny. I realize now that it was wrong of me to neglect my academic responsibilities but given my situation I hope you can understand my state of mind. Please provide me another chance to prove my dedication and my ability to perform as an outstanding student at -----.</p>

<p>Letter is way to long, rambling and bordering on melodramatic. Keep it concise. If you did not finish because of a medical condition, simply state so and the reasons why you did not seek a medical withdrawal from class or what happened when you did try to medically withdraw from class including any documentation that you have regarding your illness, doctors appointments, etc.No need to go into all of the rambling about your mother, why she came to America, etc.</p>

<p>Is your condition now under control? What is your plan going forward to make sure that you do not find yourself in this situation again?</p>