Hey!
So my parents got divorced when I was 13 because my mom was abusive, an alcoholic, suicidal, etc etc a whole boat load of stuff and my dad has full custody of me and I never see my mom now. So while I could have my essay focus on stuff with my mom- because believe me I have many stories- I don’t want my essay to be a sob story. I would much rather it exploit my best traits and have a good message at the end.
So I’m thinking of going a different route. I live alone with my dad and we have no family that live near us whatsoever. Therefore, on Christmases/other similar holidays it’s just the two of us and because of that I’ve spent a lot of holidays crying myself to sleep because I didn’t have the “normal” family.
But I don’t plan on focusing on the crying or anything like that. I plan to start it with really honing in on the one Christmas that we spent eating at Jack in the Box, and get really descriptive with that. Also talk about what it’s like to be done opening presents around the Christmas tree in 2 minutes or what it’s like having Thanksgiving leftovers for 2 weeks because only 2 of you were eating it.
But what the main focus of the essay would be is that after going through all of this I’ve decided I want to have 4+ kids and a giant family when I’m older so that I have the very stereotypical family Christmas etc etc. I’d exploit the meaning of family to me now and hopefully get a lot of my personality across doing it.
My main concern is- while I know I’m passionate enough about this topic to write it well- I don’t know that it makes a good college essay. Maybe it’d make a great essay for an English assignment, but I feel as if it’s not a good candidate for a college admissions essay. Or am I wrong?
I just don’t know if it answers the prompt well enough. Sure, it describes my world very well, but I don’t know if it shows them why I’d be a good candidate for their school. What do you guys think?
I think that particular essay is meant to be creative and you are right on track. My daughter wrote about being raised by two neurotic parents and how her organizational skills flourished because of it. I love the jack in the box angle and the leftovers. I think you could write that you are excited to be a part of a larger family(the UC community) because of the “loneliness” you experienced growing up. Many students are nervous to attend larger schools and your story lends itself to why you are the perfect candidate for an expansive community and all the opportunities it offers. Best of luck to you.
I really like the idea of connecting it to how UCs are very big schools! I hadn’t thought of that at all. Thank you!
I love the idea! Just make sure that you talk about time that you spend with friends, etc. To alleviate the loneliness. The admissions counselors want to pick students that will do well at their schools, so in your essay you should make sure to highlight why the UCs would be a perfect fit for you due to the loneliness that you’ve experienced in your early life. Good luck!
I really like the idea of connecting it to the schools. I would not focus solely on future reproductive decisions, because that strikes me as a little weird.
I wrote a very raw first draft of this essay, would anyone be willing to proofread it for me? Again, it’s the very first draft and by no means is it even close to being ready but I’d like to hear if I’m going somewhere good with this or not.
Definitely write about a topic that you have a lot to say. If the divorce story is very intense and really acts as a story that defines who you are, go ahead and write it. It doesn’t have to be a sob story if it’s a sad event. It could be empowering, happy (if you’ve gained positivity after growing from it), etc. Talking about your future could be a very interesting topic, but not all UCs read their essays - usually a computer program does. Through this, your intense emotions might not be truly captured (depending on where you want to attend) and just definitely do whichever story represents you best. Think about how to please them, but also, just be yourself. It’s more genuine and you want to pick a school that’s compatible with your personality. Good luck! (p.s. some people’s personal statements sound like an english assignment, but they get into Stanford, Harvard, etc. so those types of stories are definitely okay. they’re looking for character)