My daughter has gone back and forth with her college essay topic idea and seems to be stuck. I have been telling her that a really good topic to write on is about what it is like having an older brother with a rare, degenerative neurological disease.This has shaped her life tremendously and has made her the person she is today, having to adapt to life with a handicapped brother, the constraints on our family and the need to be his advocate, etc. It’s a unique experience that I think would make an interesting reflective essay. She seems to think using this subject would be seen as poor taste or taboo. I find that hard to believe. Thoughts? I mean, I recently sat in on an AU webinar where they shared an essay from someone where the topic was urinating in public swimming pools!
It would just have to be more about her than him – she’s the one who has to show off her personality with the essay.
And keeping it focused on the applicant is the challenge, particularly given length restrictions.
Thanks! I think she understands all of that, it’s just that she considers the whole subject a downer, and that it would be looked upon as such.
She can’t write it as a downer.
The focus should be that the opportunity to know her brother, to see all the wonderful things he is and can be, has helped her grow. It can’t be about family finances and all the things her brother can no longer do-- it has to be about the wonders of her relationship with him.
Remember, this is a sales job for her application. It’s not True Confessions, it’s a sales job. It’s sole purpose is to give them a reason to say yes to her application.
She needs to write the essay; not you. I do not mean that to come across as harsh, but you sound as though as your trying to control this, and I would encourage you to back off.
Note/Warning: I have absolutely no experience with writing application essays/applying to college, I’m a high school sophomore and these are just my thoughts, based on some years of taking English classes and what I’d say if I was an adcom.
I don’t agree that this should be her essay topic. This is why:
- She is her own person, and writing this essay seems to define her as "the sister of a disabled (for lack of a better word) person". If you need to give her advice on a topic, make it all about her or her achievements. Colleges want to see what she can do out of her own motivation, not from a situation she has no say in.
- She doesn't want to write about it! I personally write a lot better when the essay topic is something I came up with myself and feel personally passionate about writing.
- This is going to sound rude, sorry in advance - I'm honestly not trying to insult you, I just need to say this bluntly. Don't tell your daughter what to write! If you keep bothering her to write it and she gives in, the essay will be mediocre at best. And unless your daughter has a 1600 SAT, 4.5 GPA, and stellar EC's, she can't afford to have a mediocre essay. Nobody can.
So, in conclusion:
Please don’t tell your daughter what to write her essay about. And if you have to give her any advice at all, tell her not to write about her brother! An essay about her brother doesn’t tell you much about her as an individual. Colleges want to see her passion, her motivation, what makes her tick. This topic just doesn’t show that. Maybe she should write about why she chose her major/where her interest in it began? Your topic could be good for an essay contest or a writing assignment, but it’s just reaaaally not right for a college essay.
It’s her life, let her live it and let her write her essay - she’s right not to want to use this topic.
Sorry if this sounded rude at all, it’s not at all my intention!
Thank you to those with helpful advice. I am puzzled as to why anyone thinks I am controlling her or telling her what to write; per my question, I am giving her a suggestion because she asked for one. She does have super grades, excellent ECs and the rest…but is struggling with this very important topic and I am only trying to help. Never said I was writing the essay telling her what to write…just came here for some friendly feedback on what admissions thinks about topics such as these. Sorry to see it was taken out of context.
Parents really, really need to step back on essays. Don’t suggest topics. Don’t even peek until the second draft or so. Some kids don’t want to share them with parents at all, in which case you need to entrust a teacher or other reliable adult as the proofreader.
You help shop for essay books (Essay Hell, On Writing the College Essay, various Essays that Worked sites and so on). But mostly stay out of the way.
Don’t try to dictate what she should write about. I kind of agree with her – it IS a downer. The prompts shouldn’t be taken that literally – the goal is to make them want you on campus. When they come to the table to defend her as a candidate for admission, do you really want the shorthand description to be “the one with the brother with the degenerative disease”?
Have her read this if she hasn’t yet: http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-essays/2003258-essay-tips-to-consider.html#latest
Sorry, folks, I’m with the OP.
When our kids come to us with questions, I see no problem in trying to help them. Suggesting a topic for an essay is no different coming from a parent than it would be coming from a guidance counselor, a tutor, or an English teacher. In fact, it makes so much more sense, since we know the lives our kids have led.
My son’s essay was the result of his then 12 year old sister chiming in with “Why don’t you write about the time…” at the dinner table, as we were discussing options.
I’m not confident that this particular essay topic is the best choice, but I think that’s why the OP posted in the first place-- to get feedback on the essay topic. She said her daughter is “stuck” and she’s trying to suggest topics that would be a good choice. Nowhere did I read any implication that she intends to write the essay or control anything.
Well I understand you’re not controlling it now, I guess I missed the part where she asked for your suggestions. But do her a favor and next time she asks, tell her this one probably isn’t the best idea. A college essay should have the applicant front and center. The truth is, with all the “holistic” admissions, even if she did have a 1600 and 4.5, the essay might still be make-or-break for her. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating, but the point is that no matter who you are, a good essay is important, and like I said, this is far from the best idea out there.
I do appreciate that you’re giving your daughter advice when she asks for it though, you clearly really care about her education 
I suggested a topic to my S that he was not thrilled with. But he wrote it and it was exactly what the essay needed to be. His GC was THRILLED. Sometimes 17 year olds don’t have enough life experience to see their own achievements or value in the broader context of their lives.
If your D believes that she is a particular person because of having this experience (with her brother), that she has learned xyz or has come to value abc, etc, then I think it’s fine. I’d limit discussion of her brother to a short first paragraph and then only refer back to it periodically to contextualize the value or perspective she now has.
One thing you might do is initiate a conversation with her about her life and what her values are, what’s affected who she is now. She may find herself talking about her brother’s influence. And then you can say voila. Take the college essay matter off the table and just talk.
I may be off on the numbers but here is what my D’s GC had her class do (2017). She had to outline every Common App Prompt and write a draft for three. At that point, she decided which to start refining. I think it was a good process. The prompt she eventually used wasn’t what she thought she would choose at first.
Note: this method takes time. I get that we are now late September but it’s still good to draft multiple prompts.
Great feedback everyone, thank you!
@contdes we did something as you suggest and talked about different things she is passionate about and in the end she did come back to her brother after all. She is thinking more in terms of the problem solving prompt but I’m not sure her actual problem is well defined.
So much of the Common App seems to be a guessing game. Even in terms of activities, knowing which one to place the most importance on, etc. I long for the days when we filled out our applications by hand, stuck a stamp on them and we were done!
My daughter’s best essay last year (and she had many-with no help from me, re topic, or even editing) was about how she overcame a challenge…as related to her brother, who is a recovering opiate addict. To be honest, I would have never in a million years suggested that: Why, it may end up all about him, seem like a ‘woe is me’ story; or appear to be more cathartic than enlightening! But none of those were the case. In hindsight I believe that since it was such an emotional, pivotal time in her life-she was able to put forth some incredibly insightful and powerful thoughts. So I get your posing the initial question, @collegemom2000 - and I get that it came back to her brother.