<p>No offense buddy; but, I am not impressed by any of the essays you have offered here. Now since you are applying to Michigan etc. I expect your grades and SATs are very high; and yet these essays are devoid of any imagination or power. Being an adult perhaps I expect too much. And yet I am confirmed in my belief there are a great many students who compile great numbers; but perhaps at the cost of their souls?</p>
<p>From reading ur essay, I have fallen in love with you.</p>
<p>I would advise against using that essay, it is simply too hateful. I wrote about my experience working for the Bush campagin this year (in Ohio, the state that propelled the President towards re-election!), but I didn't make it such a diatribe.</p>
<p>ohlookasquirrel, sorry i **** you off! i guess i just put a little more emphasis on the importance of morals, such as on the topics of abortion, gay marriage, ect. and i suggest that if you want to survive in a world with conflicting political views, you learn to be a little more tolerant and less generalizing. i don't appreciate appreciate the assumption that other republicans and i are "old, rich, and heartless". and yes i may be a kid, but i know better than to blantantly insult people i don't know!</p>
<p>Samp0320: Excellent work and just a quick shoutout from a fellow Bush-supporter from (gasp) Massachusetts. Glad there's smart people like you to help this country. </p>
<p>Chelsea2005: Welcome to the world of liberals vs. conservatives. I find that the other side often loves to use all kinds of insults and harsh, uncensored attacks to try and make themselves feel bigger, even though the liberal ideology is descending into ruins these days. There'll always be angry people and sore losers ready to shout you out.</p>
<p>ohlookasquirrel: "AHHHH teenage bush supporters **** me off to no end. I can understand if you're old, rich, and heartless, but you're a KID for chrissakes. Who said something about him being "one heck of a president"? Because yeah, presidents who allow their campaign to send complete and total lies on pamphlets off to christian rural areas that say "liberals are going to ban the bible" (????) are definitely AWESOME!!!!oneoneone!!"</p>
<p>I'll make a few points here: First of all, talk about close-minded! While some Bush supporters may be 'old, rich, and heartless,' so are some Kerry-supporters. Also, I am a 'teenage Bush supporter' and the reason is because I have different views than you, obviously, and I believe in my own opinion that Bush is a good president. And I'll be the first to tell you that I'm not old, not rich, and certainly not heartless (if you want to get an opinion of that talk to the Sudanese refugees I mentor and work with). I may be heartless in the fact that I'd love to see every terrorist and suicide bomber in the world dead ASAP, but if you find offense with that you should go back to your Al-Qaeda training camp. Also, it wasn't the Bush campaign sending out the pamphlets, it was the 527s. Left-oriented 527s sent out leaflets to black communities in cities showing black protestors in the 60s being hosed by firefighters in the South and claimed on the leaflets that if Bush was reelected this stuff would happen again. Kerry was good about this situation and denounced those 527s, as did Bush. </p>
<p>That's all for right now. If you want to contact me for further debate I'd love to. See my profile for contact information. </p>
<p>courtette44: "thank god for ohlookasquirrel, i was about to be scared for my life and my world if the smart, ambitious, high-scoring kids on this site of all places were really that closed to criticisms and dissenting opinions."</p>
<p>If you're saying 'our side' is close-minded you've got to reconsider; look at ohlookasquirrel's post, which is clearly just a little bit close-minded. Secondly, as a young Republican living in Massachusetts I am certainly not closed to criticisms and dissenting opinions, as I live with them surrounding me every day. Something like over 80% of the students at my school voted for Kerry in the mock-election in late October. Almost all my friends are liberals, and we have debates for fun all the time. So who's close-minded?</p>
<p>And again, to the essay-writer, tone it down a bit. Or just rethink the topic, which would be even better.</p>
<p>yeah. this will **** EVERY adcom off. even bard and wesleyan :)</p>
<p>CamKerr87, thanks. i just get so mad when liberals automatically assume that they are right and everyone else is wrong, blah, blah, blah. (takes deep breath) i think i'm calmed down now! :) anyway, i second everything you just put in your last post!</p>
<p>CamKerr87: i wasn't even suggesting that ALL bush supporters/republicans are closed minded or that ALL kerry supporters/liberals/dems were not. </p>
<p>in fact, i am quite surprised and offended to see you say things about tolerance etc and then tell ohlookasquirrel that, since he didn't explicitly express YOUR desire to indiscriminately "see every terrorist and suicide bomber in the world dead ASAP", he was, in fact, a terrorist. so interesting that you, the only spokesperson i'm seeing for that side of the issues, betrayed yourself to be hypocritical and closed minded. </p>
<p>Something else interesting - i saw Kerry's public condemnations of 527s but i never once saw bush explicitly say anything negative about, say, the swift boat vet ads. he muttered and stuttered something about 527s in general not being related to his campaign, but, even when prompted, didn't (as kerry was able to) provide a clear un-spun statement to the american people that those ads were filled with LIES. </p>
<p>Also, what i find worse than independent groups speculating about the risks of reelecting bush was the VICE PRESIDENT'S blatant statements that IF Kerry was elected, there WOULD be another terrorist attack. talk about wrongly playing on our fears. </p>
<p>See, for me - and i cant speak for anyone else who's posted, but - its really that the bush campaign and administration may be cracking down on terrorism, but they are raping the american people with our own fears. also, the funny thing about wanting "all terrorists dead ASAP" is that ANYONE CAN BECOME A TERRORIST. i know you don't hear this a lot, but one of the common misconceptions of this administration and what i've seen of the Republican's attitude toward the modern situation is that a terrorist is NOT defined as somebody with brown skin who believes in Allah. A terrorist is someone who has lost all hope and all means for a future. the way to STOP terrorism is not by bombing Iraq or Afghanistan or even Iran, but by providing food and education so people don't resort to widespread violence in a last-ditch cry for help. </p>
<p>Don't get me wrong - i do not have sympathy with those who take innocents' lives nondiscriminately (including the administration that has forced our own young soldiers on the children of Fallujah); that is inexcusable. i am saying that there are ways to prevent the desperation that leads to suicide bombings. </p>
<p>perhaps what ohlookasquirrel was referring to when he expressed frustration with teenage republicans is the common conservative tendancy to refuse progressivism, hope for the future, and humanitarianism as solutions for violent situations. it's the animalistic and selfish response of matching violence with violence and manipulating others with fear and preserving nothing but your own assets. young people, i feel, have a much greater potential to see hope for the future because one day it will be our own; we, of all people, have to REALIZE that if we destroy the world now, it's not gonna be around for us to mess with when we ourselves are well-established 60-year-old oil tycoons. </p>
<p>the republican philosophy does not exactly do much to care for the environment, underpriveledged people, or peace, which are all things that we, teenagers, with a personal investment in the future, might do well to value.</p>
<p>CamKer87 you are a brave soul in the middle of that sea of liberalism which is Massachusetts. I admire you. Then again, my top two college choices are MIT and Harvard.</p>
<p>I would not advise using this essay. It does not say very much about you. This essay showed me that you were a liberal, you were kicked out of a Bush rally, and that you learned a lesson. That particular lesson is important, but rather trite, I'm afraid. It is not a truly personal statement. It does not show a journey, nor does it delve into the deeper facets of your intellect and personality.</p>
<p>I don't think it's poorly written, I just feel it's somewhat cliched, especially since, as you say in the beginning of your essay, "I was concerned, however, because in previous Bush rallies across the country, people had been thrown out sometimes even arrested simply for respectfully protesting the war in Iraq and the President's policies." It's not like you were the first person to have this happen to you.</p>
<p>You could have used this experience to show your initiative, and demonstrate how you took action to alert people to what in your mind was an injustice. You could have briefly described the incident and then gone into further detail about what you did, not what was done to you.</p>
<p>You began the essay with an attack on the Bush administration, which did not sit very well - the essay sounded like a political speech at the start. I guess it just sounds like you went to some place wearing a Kerry shirt, listened to a speech, and were thrown out at some point during the speech. Then, you had a few lines meditating on your experience and newfound resolve. It wasn't that great, I'm very sorry.</p>
<p>Joey</p>
<p>I'm surprised no one has warned that there might be actual Republican adcoms who could have an instant bias against you.</p>
<p>The good:
-You show that you're not a person that hides behind detached political idealism; you show that you're not afraid to take action even if you are in the minority.
-Although you come off as rather radical in the beginning, your tone becomes more and more humble. Try to edit the essay and keep this mood throughout the essay. </p>
<p>The bad:
-The black-and-whiteness of the presentation of the Republican party. You generalize a tad bit too much. Make sure the admissions committe knows that you're not some stupid high schooler that thinks all Republicans are fat, greedy, uncultured zealots who are simply cogs in the "machine."
-You speak with too much authority when it comes to things that are beyond your control. Although I'm a high schooler myself, I believe any admissions officer above 30 would ask "Who does this kid think he is?"</p>
<p>The Ugly:
The fact that people still take things like a plea for help with college essays and turn it into another useless politcal debate. </p>
<p>Overall, you exhibit honorable virtues (courage, respect) in your essay that are smoldered by your political views.</p>