<p>Ever have to evade a ballistic missile coming from an F4 Phantom three hundred feet overhead? How about a rifle? Ever have to fire three consecutive rounds from a bolt-action rifle at an enemy two hundred yards away? No? Well, the sensations of battle are about as foreign to me as eating peas with ketchup. Needless to say, for a coddled and terrified five-year-old child, the ***** ******* Elementary school bus may as well have been Vietnam.
It was 6 A.M. in the morning, and I could not stop looking at the clock. I was only two hours away from having to enter the most savage battlefront of my life: school. Around seven o clock I decided to crawl out of bed, brush my teeth, put my camouflage on, and load my mechanical pencils with lead ammunition. I then waved goodbye to my loved ones, for I felt it was probably the last time I would ever see them again. Fear of being seen as a coward became my only incentive to move beyond the driveway. As I humped two blocks to the bus stop, I saw it. I watched from twenty yards away as a bright yellow tank advanced on my position. As the tank engulfed me, I pictured my mothers angelic face sodden with tears while gazing at my death certificate. Then, the tank doors opened and the nefarious driver told me to sit somewhere in the back. I was a captive. As I made my walk to the back of the bus, I saw the war scarred visages of the other POWs. Their faces were as phantoms, entities devoid of life and sensitivity. The environment was made particularly unbearable by the spitball grenades launched around me and the sticky gum land mines placed underneath me. One neighborhood soldier, G.I. Margaret Jane, seemed to have a difficult time adjusting to prison life. As she sat looking at her now distant house, I could see streams of despair running down her innocent face. Her weeping pierced my heart because she longed for her loved ones as much as I. It was probably her first experience with live combat and also her first moments away from home. So, I stepped over an adhesive land mine and wrapped my timid arms around her fragile body. As I was consoling this fallen soldier, she gave me the most unlikely gift: a kiss. After my initial shock, I experienced an epiphany. Perhaps I was here for a reason? Seeing this childs face sparkle made me feel invigorated and purposeful. My own disposition and insecurities became irrelevant because I now existed to serve another.</p>
<p>i like it...as an essay. who knows how it would be recieved by the adcoms. question: what are you trying to say befoe "Elementary school bus"? its starred out....</p>
<p>erg... Though a good number of people here know me as outspoken, progressive, and anti "Politically Correct", I still have to say basically what the heck were you thinking with this essay. Equating getting up in the morning and going to school with war (with which comes horrid stories of death and destruction) was about the absolute worst idea to write a college essay about. Claiming that your Elementary school is equivilant to Vietnam tells me a few things - one, that you don't know anything about the horrors that occurred there, or if you do you're completely cold-shouldered to them. And two, you have no empathy for today's soldiers and there families. I am an opponent of how the current Iraq War is being operated (I don't believe we should just arbitrarily "spread democracy"), but even in my opposition I'm still grateful for our troops and their arduous duties.</p>
<p>I have a pretty broad sense of humor and I'm not offended at much, but this is pretty pathetic. Attempting to write a comic essay for college is probably the most risky thing you can do, and if you want honest comments then I have to say your essay isn't funny at all. If you wanted to equate school with keeping it's students captive, then write about a prison or such - not about being hauled off to "war". The end parts are a bit less severe, but it still doesn't detract from overall shocking effect of your content.</p>
<p>You have a lot of growing up to do if you think that school is the "most savage battlefield in your life". Adding to wait Vaish said, if I were an adcom I would not appreciate an essay like this.</p>
<p>Although I appreciate your opinion,I must respectfully ask you "what the hell are u talking about?" Nowhere in the essay do I talk about iraq or even suggest anything negatively about the war. I was an elementary school kid, and I was playfully comparing my first experiences there to war. were u not nervous the first day u went to school when u were five? Wow, three AP teachers I showed laughed their *** off. Anywho, thank you for the input.</p>
<p>I think it was well written BUT risky because you dont know the adcom's opinions on war or their political affiliation. I would assume that MOST teachers are liberal, so that would probably explain their reaction to the essay. In general its a good idea to stay away from anything that could be offensive because while adcoms arent supposed to let that affect their decision...who knows. The country is pretty divided you never know how someone will react. But having sent it out, all you can do is hope you didnt offend someone who potentially could screw you over...</p>
<p>what the hell? political affiliation wont matter, this kid is making a comparision to a war that resulted in thousands of american casualties with the first day of school...no matter if you're a democrat or a republican, this is absurd. You can fix the entire thing by leaving out "vietnam" and just pretending that it was a "war zone"</p>
<p>"were u not nervous the first day u went to school when u were five?"</p>
<p>Not at all. I was five - how much of stuff are you aware of at five. We never had the stigma of the first day of school ever being a nerve-wracking experience - it was just another thing I had to do. Plus since I had been in pre-school for the past two years, I was already used to a school environment.</p>
<p>"I was playfully comparing my first experiences there to war."</p>
<p>That's the whole problem I have with the essay. When athletes say they have to "go to war" or "get into battle" or when Kellen Winslow, Jr. compares his arrogant ass to a "soldier", I've got a problem with that. Haven't you seen images of our troops getting mutilated or without arms/legs? Talk to them - I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate you equating war, which led to their unfortunate experience, to a first day of school. Any event in which people are killed and severely handicapped is not one to equate playfully to the first day of school.</p>
<p>"Ever have to evade a ballistic missile coming from an F4 Phantom three hundred feet overhead? How about a rifle? Ever have to fire three consecutive rounds from a bolt-action rifle at an enemy two hundred yards away?"</p>
<p>Our current and past soliders HAVE had to do those things, and I think you owe them more respect than to equate REAL life-and-death dangerous situations to going to school...</p>
<p>"You can fix the entire thing by leaving out "vietnam" and just pretending that it was a "war zone"" - I don't even think you can do that. Anytime you talk of war our minds go to death and destruction - most people would say that's quite a bit different from riding the bus to school...</p>
<p>wow. we have two different mindsets then. U viewed ur first moments away from ur family with indifference, while I was much more emotionally driven. I even showed my Dartmouth alum friend and he laughed his *** off. It is not meant to be taken into context with mutilation, beheadings, etc. As most (I would assume) people, I viewed my first day at school with fear and panic. I was afraid to be in a new environment, afraid to not be at home all day, afraid of what others would think of me. SO, i just equated my fear into a MASSIVE HYPERBOLE. That is all that this essay is...HYPERBOLE. I am very very sorry if I have struck the wrong chord with some ppl, and I even regret putting this on here. But, I do respect and consider your perspective, crypto.</p>
<p>Devil...people can laugh their asses off...but that doesn't mean it's a great thing to send in to an adcom...things are a little less laid back when they make the decision about admitting you...</p>
<p>It's a nice hyperbole, but in this day and age, it's a very bad idea. Now i think you can compare it to war...im not as extreme as crypto (video games portray such things, and people play them to get enjoyment...) but i think that you should omit "vietnam." of all wars you could have chosen, i think vietnam was the worst. so just pretend you're in some foreign land fighting some crazed enemy or something, and you could make the enemy a metaphor somehow or something or other...I dont know, just dont use specifics like vietnam. touchy subjects are more easily accepted when the topic is made into more of a generality.</p>
<p>thanks for the input. Im not being defensive, and I respect the fact that u even read my essay. I applied to liberal schools (dartmouth, cornell, penn, etc.) for the most part and I dont think they'll take it too seriously.</p>
<p>If you really want to use a specific example...think napoleonic wars or something...adcoms wont be veterans of a war that took place in the 19th century...</p>
<p>I just don't really see what the thesis of the paper is. I just read it and wondered what the real point was. Sure, its full of wonderful concrete imagery, but you are also talking about how terrible school is. Good luck anyhow.</p>
<p>i personally agree with lolok and crypto. when theres a war going on, graphically comparing a first day of school with war is not the best idea, especially when comparing students to POWs. also, until i saw your explanation, i could not tell that it was meant to be humorous, which, of course, is a risk one takes when writing a humorous essay - the reader might not share their sense of humor.</p>
<p>anyway, sorry to be negative about it especially considering its sent in already. good luck with ur acceptances.</p>