Hey everyone,
Sorry for the long post, but here it goes:
I’m an undergraduate sophomore (20 year old, male) entering the spring semester. I’ve been feeling isolated and lonely lately, mainly because I’ve come to realize that I don’t have any close friends or romantic relationships. In fact, I’ve never had close friends or romantic relationships in my entire life. My freshman year, I joined two clubs, both having a lot of people, but I struggled to make friends there. I met a few people, and I still see them on and off, but they’re always busy with classes, and are just acquaintances. Those clubs had ‘we’re here to work and win trophies’ mentalities more than anything. I’ve left those clubs since then, b/c they only added to my work load and stress. After that, I joined chess club, and I have fun while I’m there. The people are nice, but I’m struggling to make friends there as well.
Idk if this helps, but I have a general anxiety/social anxiety issue. I saw a psychiatrist a few days ago, and he prescribed me a medication. To describe my thoughts in plain terms, I can’t approach a cashier without feeling awkward/self-conscious. I’m too anxious and uncomfortable to initiate contact with people in my lectures, my professors, or people sitting in libraries/cafés for fear of inconveniencing them. Whenever I walk by a large group of people on the other side of the sidewalk, I feel extremely self-conscious and feel like breaking down (i.e. crying) at any moment. Similarly, in my freshman-year clubs, whenever there was a social scene after practice at someone’s house, I was too nervous to ask for a ride (I wanted to go so many times, but I was scared to inconvenience a teammate to drive me). I do feel comfortable talking to the few people at chess club about chess, but that aside, it’s a great struggle for me to initiate contact with the average student or professor.
It’s strange. I WANT to meet new people and form relationships (both friendships and intimate ones), but at the same time, my mind and body won’t let me. I’m more than willing to go to a club and attend lectures, but I feel very tense/anxious/self-conscious when approaching someone (ANYONE) and starting a conversation and keeping it. The self-consciousness and blushing is driving me insane any time I want to talk to someone. It’s annoying to have this happen, even when you’re doing something as simple as ordering coffee.
I understand there’s no quick fix. What should I do?
Thank you for reading!!!