After a few months of my sophomore year, I’ve come to realize that I actually feel lonelier now than I did my freshman year. Freshman orientation forced me to make friends with everyone on my dorm floor, which is typically difficult for me as I’m more of an introvert. This year, I didn’t have that sort of introduction… and my friends from last year have all moved off campus so I rarely see them.
I’ve joined a club and talk to a few classmates now and again, but nobody ever seems interested in doing anything outside of those activities or getting to know each other better. I could probably be taking more initiative, but I have a fair amount of anxiety when it comes to meeting new people. Nobody in my dorm floor ever has their door open, and I don’t really feel like knocking on random people’s doors halfway through first semester just to introduce myself. What are some ways I can overcome this? Should I talk to a counselor about it? Any advice would be helpful.
Honestly I think you have a choice to make. Let your anxiety hold you back from putting yourself out there and accept that it means your social life will be limited or take the needed initiative. Of course you can talk to a counselor to get support in your efforts and to help you devise strategies to work on this.
I also think a great way to belong somewhere and meet people/make friends is to get a job. Working together forces relationships and the employees all “belong” at that establishment.
Do you still have a meal plan and eat in a dining hall? Meeting over eating is a great time to meet others. Look for others who are alone. Don’t prejudge them based on looks, gender, dress, etc. Ask if you can join them. Try simple small talk. Do this a lot. You never know when a spark might light up a friendship. Think a how much you wish someone would approach you. Be brave. If you want things to change, you’ll have to be brave.
I love NorthernMom61 advice to be brave. Our society is so consumed with technology now that I think these skill have been lost. It’s really sad. Imagine a world where everyone wasn’t engrossed with their phones, tablets, laptops, iPads…the human connection was wonderful. I really feel for your generation growing up like this.
I have worried about my D19 in the same aspect. Her freshman year of HS was great. Tons of friends or at least people she thought were friends. There was a major falling out sophomore year with some people. D19 hasn’t seem to recovered. Her closest friend isn’t always on the same schedule due to ECs and work for both of them. D19 doesn’t seem to do much with other people. She now works a lot and keeps busy. We are hoping college will change things. I am not holding my breath.
I attribute it to all the opportunities we have to entertain ourselves without leaving the house or dorm room. I can remember back in HS we had one TV with cable and Dad made all the viewing choices. So I could either sit at home and watch TV with mom and dad or get out of the house and do something. Needless to say we went out plenty and most times without a plan. Just whoever could get a car.
@whitefr0st : I would talk with a counselor since you have that option. They may have specific info on techniques to use to quiet your anxiety (biofeedback, etc), and suggestions on where to find others in your same situation.
You might also try planning a get together for the club group. Perhaps many of them are also having difficulty making friends. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate thing, if there is something on campus that you want to do, ask the group if anyone else wants to go too. Keep asking even if the first few times don’t get any response. Perhaps those people are shy. Or on limited funds.
You may not have a lot of free time, but volunteering at something that is meaningful to you would be helpful to others and you could meet like minded students.
Also, see if there are any social groups that are doing something that you would like to try, such as ballroom dancing, painting, a foreign language group, a cooking group, a group sport (I wish Quidditch had been around when I was in college ;), a reading group, etc. Try something new.