I moved into college 4 days ago. I know it doesn’t seem like much time has passed, but I really haven’t made friends at all. Everyone I’ve talked to has just been in passing (not seeing each other after one conversation). I have a lot of social anxiety (I have anxiety attacks in many situations), so it’s hard for me to be outgoing. It’s difficult because I though people on my floor would have their doors open, but that’s just not the case. Classes have started, but I’m still not socialising very much. I though about joining clubs, but I went to the club fair for 5 minutes before being ditched by my roommate and nearly having a panic attack in public, so I had to remove myself from the situation. My family keeps telling me it takes time, but I’m seeing people around me make friends and I feel like I’m falling behind. Part of me just wants to stay in my room where I feel safe, but I know I need to get out there and talk to people. I’m personally just not comfortable inserting myself into social situations or introducing myself to people first. I’m just not sure what I can do?
There are many other students like you who experience social anxiety. Look online on amazon for some books on social anxiety as a first step. Also, reach out to a counselor at your college. Don’t worry about the club fair. Just look up the list of clubs and contact a club you are interested in. Attend an event and just get comfortable with the surroundings. Above all, don’t avoid. Hang in there.
People aren’t making true friends yet, just acquaintances.
Do join groups you are interested in so you’ll meet likeminded people.
Approach other people that look like they are by themselves - perhaps they feel like you do and are looking for a buddy to eat with or talk with.
Force yourself to smile and greet people you pass and even start conversations. Make a game out of it. See how often you can do it in a day. Try to beat that the next day.
Do give it time and don’t let yourself build it up in your head to be something bigger than it is. It’s only 4 days - that’s not much time at all.
Wishing you the best! Hang in there!
Great advice above. Start attending club meetings weekly. Give it a while to click.
A freshman produced this video for a class assignment. I hope it will show you that you are not alone.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=6&v=oAUcoadqRlE
Deep breath. You have just begun. You are trying to force yourself to be someone different than who you are and it is causing panic. Try some positive self-talk telling yourself that it is okay to take things slow and in a way that you can handle it emotionally. Don’t worry about your roommate, explore club and group opportunities, either at the fair if it is still going on or online. Pick one or two that you want to try and try them. You don’t have to be wild or loudly outgoing. Shy friendly participation is okay. Notice others who are sitting alone in the dining hall at meals and ask if you can sit with them. Just start some small talk. Do these things enough and you might just might click with someone. Also try church or other quiet activities as resources for meeting others.
Lastly, your school may have some counseling groups for new students at the student counseling center. It is another place to meet others and find out that you are not alone.
I’m sorry you had the leave the club fair. There must be a place online (or ask your RA how to find out) where club meetings are listed. Choose one or two and go. Go to the very first meetings because that’s when the meet and greet and startup takes place.
It is very true that is seems like others are making friends but they aren’t true friends yet. Everyone is just meeting at this point. Hang in there. You’re doing ok!
Read this please. http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/2016222-to-those-who-feel-lonely-homesick-friendless-think-they-chose-the-wrong-school-etc-p1.html
I feel the same way! I’ve been at school for two weeks and though I didn’t really have trouble making friends in high school I’ve definitely struggled here in college. Especially during the first week, there were several times I would come back into my room and just cry from the loneliness and frustration. I agree with the other commenters to reach out to your schools’ counseling and mental health services. I know at my university they offer specific counseling sessions for social anxiety so maybe they will have something similar. I would also say check if the clubs or groups you are interested in have a facebook page so you can reach out online. In the meantime, don’t feel intimidated doing something on your own or spending time with yourself. It’s not easy but there have been a few times that I went to a meal by myself and just listened to a podcast with headphones and I saw plenty of people doing to the same thing. I also have found it helpful to call my family and friends back home. Obviously that won’t help you make new friends but it helped me feel less alone.
Hang in there! It definitely sucks now but I’m trying to stay positive and telling myself to be patient. Wishing you the best!
My D is a sophomore this year. She met people fairly quickly but still struggled because they all felt superficial compared to her HS friends. Just want to remind all the new freshmen that it takes time to develop true friendship. Don’t expect to be suddenly BFFs with people. It will develop naturally over time. Just make sure you are engaging and visible - don’t spend time in your room and don’t go home on weekends.