i am trying to understand this whole Greek life from all vantage points. I do know that having “brothers and sisters” that are there for you, the alumni connections, and the philanthropy work that many sororities and fraternities do, are the positives to greek life. For the viewpoint of college aged kids, having a place to hang and party is also big. Having a place to live possibly. When i went to school i was an unofficial little sister to a fraternity. Basically I was friends with all the boys in the house, so I was welcome anytime to hang out.
BUT here is the part that really bothers me. In many school Rush starts before classes . The kids have barely moved into their dorms. Then they are expected to figure out where they belong , if they are even accepted, for the next 4 years. Initial impressions, looks, etc play into this (looks probably more so on the sorority side). Once they are accepted they are expected to hang out all the time at their new found “home” , while also adjusting to workload from classes, and all the other stresses of being at college. Then on the fraternity side, there seems to be underground hazing, where these kids probably are drinking for the first time in some cases, and feel pressured to do so. One hardly knows their professors, but damn if they dont brag on their social media their new found “best friends”
,my D17 is attending a school where Rush is not until Spring semester , and I am very grateful for this. She may or may not Rush, but by then she will have a better sense of self. I just dont get why more schools dont have this rule, that as a freshman you need to wait to spring. That you have to have certain grades.
“I do know that having “brothers and sisters” that are there for you, the alumni connections, and the philanthropy work that many sororities and fraternities do, are the positives to greek life.”
Not a fan of greek life. IMO, you can get those things without being part of a frat or sorority.
The rushing before school starts thing is ridiculous.
At my D’s LAC rush was not until the start of sophomore year. My D felt that was a huge plus as she had a solid group of friends in place from freshman year (who she stayed close with) and she had a good sense of which sororities would be a good fit for her.
I have the sense from friends with kids at large schools that the rush early freshman year be good as it gives a new student an immediate social group (assuming he/she gets into one that is a good fit) and serves to make the school feel smaller.
However, immediate joining of a fraternity or sorority may also limit the development of one’s social network outside the fraternity or sorority (or associated ones). The persistent racial segregation in some colleges’ fraternity and sorority systems may cause some students who join immediately to have less social contact with people of other races than they may otherwise have, for example.
I am so not a fan of the whole Greek life phenomena.
For starters, I don’t understand the idea of “brothers and sisters” who have to be there for you simply by virtue of joining the same club. You don’t have to have similar interests or likes/dislikes, you don’t have to enjoy each other’s company-- but you’re family because you’ve joined the same club? It simply makes no sense to me. If someone wouldn’t be my friend without a Sorority, then I’m not sure I would want her as a friend.
More than that, we had a student a few years ago who graduated, went on to college, and pledged for a frat. Whatever it was that he did as part of that pledging weighed very heavily on him. He came back, sought guidance at school for dealing with what he had done.
Then committed suicide.
I know he’s just one kid-- one kid who was the light of his parent’s life, a kid who didn’t get into any trouble in 4 years of high school, a kid who should have had a bright future.
Back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and I was in high school, the Greek houses rushed high school seniors. There was a big weekend in the spring of the year at the state flagship, and high school seniors would go to the public flagship and try to rush. Lots of people got bids that early, even though formal rush wasn’t until August. The cheerleading coach, who was also an English teacher, was busy writing recommendations for her sorority, which was considered one of the best on campus. I suspect–and this is not tongue in cheek–that she was hired in part because of her ability to do this.
So, waiting until after high school graduation is at least somewhat better–though I agree sophomore year, or at least second semester is eben better.
My freshman roommate joined one of the top sororities at UT-Austin. This was in 1980. All the silly stuff she had to do! I just did not understand the attraction AT ALL. And one freshman was so distraught that she didn’t get into a “good” sorority that she dropped out of school immediately.
Funny story - last spring my daughter, a freshman at the time, attended a rush event with a friend, just to keep her company. D had NO interest in joining. But the next day, SHE got an invitation to join and the friend didn’t! She declined and fortunately the sorority gave her friend the invitation.
Depending on the school, a chunk of the bids are going to legacies anyway - and then there are those kids who have been socially connected to some houses for years - so it really doesn’t matter when those hold rush. D20 is already getting invites to functions. But, that aside, I’m in the camp to do it spring freshman year. You’ve had time to get a feel for the vibes of the different groups, you’ve formed some friends already, and you still have three-plus years to be involved.
As for the appeal, I think most kids are going to find their fit somewhere. I don’t think going Greek is any better or any worse than joining the marching band, the rugby team, or the engineering society.
Personally, I agree with most of the posters so far. I don’t get it. That’s the choice I made for myself, although my college barely had fraternities when I was there. (That was among the reasons I chose that college.)
But I note that close to 100% of friends and colleagues – and also both my parents and one sister – who were in a fraternity or sorority considered it a completely positive experience, notwithstanding the hazing and other silliness. I have to respect that a little. These are competent, thoughtful, intelligent people – as are the fraternity/sorority supporters on CC for the most part. For my dad, especially, his fraternity opened up worlds to him he had never imagined exploring, and absolutely changed his life in positive ways.
Are you kidding? What true brothers (and sisters, too) do to one another would be illegal anywhere.
OP, the Greek system is controversial on this site, as you can see by these comments.
It’s often controversial in “real life,” as well. I’ve known a few people who hid their college Greek membership because so many of their coworkers/bosses/friends/family members had a negative view of frats and sororities and the people who joined them.
That said, it’s a never-ending discussion on CC, and you’ll no doubt soon hear from Greek supporters.
I am one of the Greek supporters. To this day, 35 years later, some of my best friends were my in my sorority. I did meet few people in the dorms, but by participating in activities with the same people over a few years really developed a bonding friendship. Dorms lasted one year and then you move out to sometimes isolating apartments. The sororities and fraternities last 4 years. IMO, it’s helpful in a larger school to meet a smaller “set” of people. IT’s not much different than any other type of club (swim team, football, etc.) except for maybe the cost.
That being said, I think it’s important to do rush second semester as the OP points out- and many schools are steering toward that timing. . Two of my older D’s participated in the first few days of school, and it was totally overwhelming. However, they both say that the sororities were a huge help to them both socially and academically. They both had required study hours at the house. They both met a ton more people that they wouldn’t have met outside of the sorority. And they both are involved with their philanthropies. Not all Greek life is what you see on TV or in the news - all rah rah. Certainly not my two D’s. But if you want rah rah then it’s there - and that can definitely be a “fit” for many students as well.
There are certainly negatives, but IMO, the positives far outweigh those for a vast majority of the students.
Wow - I find it strange that people actually hide their Greek affiliation! I have met more people who were Greek and proud of it!
I don’t understand Greek life. Not even a little. I think hazing is by and large barbaric (who needs to humiliate someone so that they prove their worth?). Yes, yes I know “not all hazing” but enough of it is.
Yes, it does seem like you’re buying friends.
My roommate freshmen year rushed. I can’t even remember whether or not she got a bid. I do know that we never became real friends since I saw her maybe all of once a week for the first few weeks while she rushed. Which is fine, I made other friends, but it did feel strange. I would have liked to at least bonded a little.
I’m still very close to my college friends despite most of us being flung all over the country.
I always hear things like this but only actually know one set of siblings that fought growing up. My sister pretends like I don’t exist and many others I know fought occasionally but were never really cruel to each other or anything.
I am not a fan of Greek life. I didn’t participate when I was in college and neither did my daughters. Older d’s school has “unofficial” Greek houses and she was invited to a few events by girls older than her from our high school and after going to 2 events primarily to be polite as she was invited and to see what it was all about, she told me that it really wasn’t for her. Both girls made plenty of friends and had rich rewarding experiences as did I. DH and I had dinner with my best friend who I met on my floor freshman year and her DH so many moons ago. Both my girls had friends from their freshman year dorms as well as their departments and activities. Actually younger d is close now with a girl she somewhat knew in college who says now that her sorority activities took up so much time it limited her from doing other things. One of my d’s best friends happened to move into that girl’s apartment and so now they are all good friends.
I was not a fan of the Greek system when I was in college, but I belonged to a theater group and through that I formed strong friendships that have lasted for years.
My son decided to go Greek (surprise to me) and I agree with @3mamagirls that the houses do allow you to form lasting relationships because you are spending a large amount of time with a group of people who have shared interests. It is very similar to my college theater group or to a band, team, or club. You spend a huge amount of time together and work together on projects and activities.
I did grill my son about the pledge process, and was reassured when he told me that the house he pledged to had one of the highest GPAs on the row and that there was a policy against hazing. I would have been concerned if he had joined one of the wilder, more popular fraternities, but his group is more academically inclined.
My husband and I were both Greek and we loved it. It was a different time then though. My husband rushed as a sophomore and his brother (his real blood brother!) was in the fraternity he pledged. I pledged as a freshman and had a good experience but I think I lucked out.
I really don’t want Greek life for our kids. At least not at a big school and not rushing freshman year. We have a friend whose daughter is a freshman at a big state school and rush is awful. If you showed up to college a little insecure (and who doesn’t?), then rushing is the pits. It’s not exactly a great thing to have a group of girls tell you that you’re not for them! Some girls get no bids at all and then the rest of the girls on their dorm floor are celebrating and going to their house for parties. My parents didn’t go to college and had no idea what rushing was. I know and I don’t want either of our kids to be put through that. It’s like the high school cafeteria all over again. Where should I sit? What if they don’t let me sit there?
S19 will most likely end up at an LAC with no (or very little) Greek life. Not sure about D21 yet but I will definitely be cautioning her about Greek life.
And I haven’t even written about the driving. And the hazing!
I disagree that it’s just like a club. Rush is a whole thing and everyone knows who is getting bids from the “popular” houses and who is not. It can be very hurtful when rushees think they are meeting new friends and then they aren’t extended a bid. I get that I can’t always protect our kids’ feelings but finding a school without a huge Greek presence will surely allow them to meet all kinds of people. That’s definitely one of the goals of going away to school!
Of course, it is the case that the culture* of fraternities and sororities can vary considerably between campuses, and between individual chapters.
*Culture with respect to drinking, other drug use, partying, hazing, level of competition during rushing/pledging, academic priorities, safety against sexual misconduct, racial integration/segregation, etc…
I think like anything else Greek Life must be taken on a case by case basis. There is a huge variation in sororities/fraternities between colleges and within a college. I had zero interest in joining a sorority in college but my D surprised me and was interested in rushing.
As I noted earlier at her LAC rush is early sophomore year. She had a few friends in a sorority and had decided before rush started that she was only interested in the two lower key sororities on campus. To nobody’s surprise she got a bid from the low key sorority where she had a few friends. There was no hazing – she said the worst thing her pledge class was asked to do was to sort a canister sprinkles by color – and a while after they started sorting the sorority members came in with ice cream for everyone.
Her experience as a sorority member was very positive – she met new friends, had some nice activities, became involved in a philanthropic cause that she continues to do fundraising for after graduation etc. Also her sorority was academically serious. My D is now in grad school at Columbia and is sharing an apartment with two sorority sisters/friends from her year who are also at Columbia for grad school (all three in different programs) and it has been wonderful. So for my D Greek Life has been very positive.
Like most things Greek Life is not always a simple matter of “good” or “bad”.
I think any student interested in committing to a Greek organization should do their research in advance so they know what they are getting into. You can get a pretty good sense of what each group cares about based on their discussion boards.
My son’s actually had fun pledging (aside from the book he had to memorize). One task he had was to count a jar of rice with another guy in a strobe-light filled room while music blared.
