My older daughter was in a sorority and also a member of her university’s living-learning community. She loved having both built-in social groups and very successfully “crossed the line” between the two different worlds.
@happy1 there are positives like you mention, but the key is that your D rushed sophomore year and not as a freshman who just showed up. That is my main concern.
As far as it similar to clubs, at least if you are unhappy with aclub you can stop belonging and find other clubs. Once again how do you know that the frat or sorority you joined in ones first week of school is the best fit? Getting to know them over a semester makes sense
Oh and hsving alumni write letters on your behalf just because they are friends with your parents on FB . Dont get me started. All summer Kids of FB friends were asking if anyone belonged to a list of potential sororities and if you did could you write a letter
I was Greek at a large state school and agree with many of the comments. Getting dropped off at a fraternity a week after turning 18 was a bit of a shocker but it turned out fine for me and I have many lifelong friends from my house. That is not the case for many others and the sorority rush process at large schools can be especially stressful for kids who haven’t even really started college. I think second semester rush or later after kids acclimate is a great idea and some of the schools do it that way now. As stardustmom said above, research on any organization you are considering including grades, behavior expectations and any prior campus issues or violations is key,
I’ll bite.
Unlike most schools, rush at my school was before school started. Bids and quota were based on actual beds. So when you pledged, that is where you would be living, not in a dorm.
In retrospect it’s a bit nutty. I am sure there was some back up contract I signed that said if not offered a bid, I’d have a dorm room but I really don’t recall. I went into rush blind, with really few pre conceived notions about the whole thing, kind of a “why not” exercise. No letter or recommendation ( no clue there was such a thing until relatively recently) and I went in as a legacy…except I didn’t know that, until the house in question informed me. They didn’t end up being the house I pledged, but it was kind of fascinating that they knew something about my family I didn’t!
It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Perhaps partially because I had no preconceived notions or heart set on a particular house or maybe just because it was the right thing for me. For me, it made a big school, small. I had sisters to look out for me and, still do. I have a bi weekly dinner group of those same girls in my pledge class. Every other week we dine together, no kids, no husbands, just us. Many of us have left the area and come back, and part of what we come back to, is that sisterhood. Some left and finished their degrees elsewhere, it didn’t change the fact they were sisters. Some were sophomore pledged and graduated early, but that didn’t change the bond. We have an annual weekend get away in 2 weeks and I can’t wait.
These women are my family. We’ve seen each other through good, bad, and downright ugly. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Sure, there were parties. People can be as smart or stupid about those things as they like, greek or not. Greek kids can also work very hard and do quite well in life, despite the reputation of the system. I have never, ever, felt compelled to hide my experience or affiliation. But I also think I was in the right house, with the right values for me, and chose to hang out with people from like minded fraternities. It was also the right thing for me, at that particular school. There is no one size fits all when it comes to greek systems, just like there isn’t for colleges.
None of our kids have gone greek, nor do I expect them to. It isn’t for everyone and that’s perfectly ok.
What it means to be Greek varies widely by campus and by time. It makes no sense to me to make generalizations about whether Greek is good or back.
This weekend about 40 of my sorority sisters are having a reunion, going to a football game, and visiting the sorority house. It’s 40 years since we signed the charter for this chapter. Some of us are friends and see each other all the time (and belong to the alum group for our city), but it will be the first time in 40ish years since I’ve seen some of them. We will share pictures from college, stories, and laughs. We had fun then, and we’ll have fun now.
I did pledge my first semester at school, but I was a transfer. It was the spring and I didn’t have a dorm of friends so it was a great way to make new friends. Both my daughters pledged freshman year, in the fall, and it was fine. I do wish they could have waited until the spring and they could have just delayed rush if they’d wanted to but they were excited to join things in the fall. It all worked out. One daughter lived in the dorm but ate at the house (across the street) and she liked that because she didn’t like the cafeteria food at all. She still made friends in the dorm but the sorority worked out well. It has also worked out well as she took both spring semesters off/away from campus (one an internship, one semester abroad) and she just backed up and left with no hassles with leases or security deposits. The other never lived in the sorority ‘house’ (a set of apartments but off campus) because she’s an athlete and has early practice. Most schools do allow sophomores to rush, but in the big southern schools it is very difficult.
My father is 83 and he’s going to a football game with his frat brothers in November. They have been lifelong friends and 3 of them have vacations (now retirement) homes near each other on the cape.
SO and I were not in Greek life but both daughters have had a good experience. I was nervous about the pledging but it was not bad at all. One of them is in a house that did not make them do anything. The other had to do so silly things but nothing remotely dangerous. My impression is that the boys have it rougher in many instances.
You probably do have things in common or you would not have gotten a bid at the end of rush.
They both developed close friendships, but it isn’t for everyone.
I think the experience varies a lot. Each house has a personality, if that is the right word.
Another voice against Greek life here for many of the reasons given. I reserve the right to choose my friends based on their character, not on how much they drink or force me to drink, or how many paddlings they can tolerate or I can tolerate, or how much I can barf in front of them so that it creates a bond–even if they do have a “higher GPA on average” compared to non-Greek students. People say that higher GPA line as if its an excuse for the disgusting behavior touted by Greek institutions and reinforced by them. “The barfing was done in the most upstanding manner and our GPAs are higher too. Oh and we held a few fundraisers for charity. So there! We’re great!”
As soon as I hear that someone voluntarily joined a sorority or fraternity, my mind knocks several points off of their IQ. It’s kind of like the person who got a tattoo on their face. Great for them! But they are just a little bit stupid, in my opinion, or a lot stupid. If not book-smart stupid, then they clearly exercise poor judgement.
I can’t help it but I have trouble seeing the value of these “clubs.” Even if it were completely safe–and it’s not. It’s a complete crapshoot who is “not” hazing your son or daughter. I do not fundamentally understand the appeal of competing to join a group so that you can exclude others–a group of people you may not really like. It’s one thing to compete to join, say, an orchestra, which does exclude others, based on talent. Greek life forces you to compete in the most animalistic basic in-group, out-group way that is brutal by its very nature–for what end?? So that you an live in a place with barf being wiped off the walls each Thursday - Sunday night? I don’t like being forced to “like” people that I don’t really like. Frankly I’m okay with people not liking me if they don’t really like me. At least it’s honest. And I don’t have to barf in public. So there’s that.
yes, yes yes, individual experiences my vary, but there are many stories that are so bad that they make it into the news and many stories that are really bad that trickle back through the parental grapevine. Father was head of frat, sends kid to Northwestern. Kid gets rejected by Dad’s frat. Descends into black spiral . … .
Blech. The whole thing reeks of wall-to-wall carpeting soaked in five years worth of vodka-watermelon shots.
My preference is to find schools that have less than 10% greek life. Zero Greek life is the optimal number for our family. Woe to places like Northwestern and Dartmouth and Rose Hulman. They are fine schools, if not for the huge emphasis on Greek life. SMH.
For those mentioning making lifelong friends through greek life, that’s great but perfectly common without greek life as well. I think the college experience in general is amenable to fostering those kinds of friendships. I don’t see it as the domain of greek life.
To me, greek life, by design, is about exclusion when I think college community should be about fostering more inclusion.
Wow, @Dustyfeathers , you are painting with a very wide brush.
The “Greek” discussion never ends well on CC. Those of us whose kids decided to join Greek life attempt to answer the OPs question then many of the Greek haters chime in and basically call our kids “stupid”. Why is that even acceptable? I would never say such things about anyone’s kid. In the end, these threads are never helpful or productive.
On this subject, I suggest you make decisions about Greek life in the privacy of your own family. If it works for your child, great. If not, don’t do it.
I’ll leave the question of hazing to the side. Obviously being forced to binge drink or do other dangerous things is bad but 18 and 19 year olds often do stupid things like drinking to excess. My objections to Greek life are more philosophical in nature.
Many frats and sororities are highly segregated, Speculation on why that happens is fodder for a different thread, but suffice it to say that I’ve seen too many pictures of groups of sorority sisters who look like carbon copies to want my kid to be a part of that. People here talk about finding like minded people or instant friends when they go Greek but for me college is a time to learn and grow and make friends with people beyond the very narrow band of kids who are already like you, beyond those who already make you feel comfortable. I want my kids to get to know kids who are very different from them and the chances of that happening plummet once they go Greek at most schools.
Except that those groups don’t allow you to join based on whether you’re pretty enough or dress the right way or whether your mother was a member of the marching band when she was in college. On another thread someone commented that it’s a well known but unspoken rule that at the “better” sororities at some Southern schools out of state students just won’t be admitted. Barf.
I hate the air of exclusivity frats and sororities carry about them. We’re the chosen. You’re not. If we’re having a party we may admit you based on whether you are a member. We’re going to hold events you can’t be a part of simply because you’re not Greek.
Imagine being one of those students who does not receive a bid. You’ve only been here a couple of weeks (or one semester, or one year) and we’re already telling you you’re not good enough to be with us. Oh, you can maybe come to our parties (if there’s room) and spend money at our charity event, but you can’t be part of that bonding experience frats and sororities speak so highly of. We don’t want you to help with planning or have any involvement except as an outsider.
Many schools have clubs or theme houses, some of them even based on racial identity or other factors a student can’t control. The big difference is that generally anyone is able to join. No one tells the kid of German descent she can’t join the Latina house or the kid from Manhattan he can’t be part of the school’s farming club.
My parents were in a sorority and fraternity and both held leadership positions in their houses. Frankly I don’t see how it’s made much, if any difference in their lives. They have a couple of close friends they made in their houses but I’m at least as close to my college friends. Some of these friends I were my freshman roommates. Some I met in later years. None required me to sign a pledge and pay dues.
Suffice to say there’s a BIG difference in sororities and fraternities school to school. BIG. Much of that is due to the fact that campus culture and character vary so much and Greek life fills a role in that campus life. Generalizations about Greeks are as accurate as generalizations about college students imho…
My son is the type of person who has a few very close friends and a bunch of acquaintances. He’s an only child and greatly values his independence and time to himself. Greek life has been a great fit for him, and I’m glad he went that route although I was initially surprised. On a big campus such as the one he attends - 30k students - it’s nice to have your own “tribe” that will be there no matter what. Friend groups shift as students transfer, drop out, get into their majors and lose time for friends and activities, etc. Greek life has given him a platform to learn leadership and interpersonal skills that he desperately needed, and helped him learn how to be a real member of something that’s important to him. Sure there are other clubs on campus where you can a taste of this, but at a big school having 200 kids in an engineering organization makes it difficult to rise into good leadership positions. His friends aren’t limited to fraternity brothers, nor are there any implied rules that indicate exclusivity of friend circles is even desired. The guys just don’t care about that type stuff. He has stayed in touch with freshman roommates and spends time outside of class with students from his major.
Sure some schools have a pervasive Greek culture that bleeds into most areas of general campus life. But at a majority of schools Greek life is just one fairly small part of campus life. And at the latter schools, I sometimes think parents make Greeks a bigger deal than the reality on campus.
“As soon as I hear that someone voluntarily joined a sorority or fraternity, my mind knocks several points off of their IQ.”
When is prejudice something to be proud of?
http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1886771-schools-with-harsh-fraternity-and-or-sorority-systems-or-those-with-disagreeable-practices-p1.html is an older thread discussing differences in sorority and fraternity culture at different schools.
Greek here as well, see both sides.
For me it shrunk a big state school where I didn’t know a soul until the day I arrived.
On the other hand, it shrinks your orbit. Looking back, if I had it to do over I would get more involved in things that are more meaningful to me even today - journalism, advocacy, band. Back then the need to fit in - immediately - was strong. I am not in contact with my chapter really, other than a couple of close friends who I probably would have stayed friends with anyway (knew them before we pledged).
I am not a fan of rush before school even starts. It’s a lifelong commitment for many, and that is a big decision to make a week before freshman year even begins. My university rushed the entire fall, and then pledged in January.
I was also a rush counselor (now that was an amazing experience) and saw the heart break and elation of rush.
I am not pro or con when it comes to Greek life, other than I encourage young people to explore many different avenues of campus life.
I made friends with people in my major - we sat around in studios and talked to each other a lot. I also made friends through the House system. You lived in the same house for three years so there were I guess about 100 people you were with all three years and others for one or two. I am close friends with some of the people from my house and from my major and my freshman year room mate. There was a tiny Final Club scene that was irrelevant to my experience of college.
Count me in as one who believes the greek system is just another way to exclude others and I just don’t get it. My experience has been that its that jock mentality which easily turns into mob mentality when provoked. That “I’m so much better than you…” mentality just because you were accepted into a club that omits others for reasons nobody will every truly understand…was it lack of money, not dressing properly, not the model body, two left feet, what is it? Nothing good comes from it. Charity work can be done in many other ways…
I see most Greek orgs as exclusionary-by-design clubs that often suck up a lot of time for no really good reason.
I, and my kids, chose schools without it.
There are service fraternities that I think are cool. APO at UT-Austin is a wonderful organization, and the kids get to run out the Texas flag at football games - it covers a good portion of the entire field! I remember hearing Greeks talk about the group disparagingly, because “anyone” could join. 
“As soon as I hear that someone voluntarily joined a sorority or fraternity, my mind knocks several points off of their IQ.”
Wow. Just wow. Judge much with pretty much zero information on the individual?
Greek is so different from school to school. Everyone needs to do their homework.
" Charity work can be done in many other ways…"
That is true. BUT, my two D’s would really not have initiated the charity work on their own. That’s just a fact. And now they have been exposed to it through their sorority, then it’s a part of them.