^I’m surprised that college-aged kids haven’t been introduced to charity work before this stage. I am glad they are now aware of it and exposed to it, few things are more satisfying.
Ok, I’m not a fan of Greek live. The college S17 went to did rush before school started but it was weird. It was on an invitation basis and you came in if invited for a weekend. (The girls had a more formal rush for a week before school started). We are OOS and couldn’t do this and son thought it was weird to try to pick a frat from kids you never met. He decided he did not want to be in a frat.
At an alumni party before he left for school he met a guy that was the president of one of the fraternities. He really liked him. When they got to college the guy invited my son to come meet some of the others. A couple weeks later he called to tell us he was going to pledge the Fraternity in the Spring. He really liked the guys and their process. He talked to several people and said there is no hazing and pledging is not crazy. I looked at the school’s webpage and the average GPA of this fraternity is 3rd of 26 fraternities and at a level that is good. The kid that my son wants to room with has one of the top academic scholarships the college offers. He has been involved already in a dance team and other activities and his grades are good. He met an alumni who already has introduced him to some excellent business contacts. We told him he could join and stay in it as long as his grades remain high.
His new girlfriend is pre-med and in a sorority and very happy. She said it has been a lot calmer than she had ever imagined.
Most of them have, in high school. Key Club, national honor society etc all require community service, as does simply applying to college in some cases. A lot of kids help others outside of school via church or community as well. No way is a Greek org required for that.
My D does plenty of community work as part of various college clubs she has joined. Clubs that are open to all, I might add.
^^ No one way or timing is perfect for any charity work… You have no idea the background of my two older children, so please don’t be so quick to judge. I am just glad they are participating now.
D3 has well over 250 hours charity work under her belt as a junior, with tons more to come. Every kid is different.
I know this doesn’t represent all fraternities and sororities, but honestly this is what Greek life looks like to many of us from the outside. The University of Alabama Panhellenic Executive Council:
http://www.uapanhellenic.com/main.html
Eleven pretty, slim, white girls in coordinated dresses.
Ironically, the “About” page for the Panhellenic Council says,
yet they don’t have a single girl of color or a girl who looks in any significant way different from the others on their executive council.
Most schools have some sort of community engagement/community service center on campus. It would be very easy to get involved and an easy way to meet new people.
Wow…pretty shocked by some of the wide-sweeping generalizations here. I pledged when I was in college. I was never once forced to drink, strip, or otherwise demean myself. My freshman year roommate was a druggie who favored having all her friends over to get high in our room constantly and I just wanted out of that room! I found a sorority that was accepting, decidedly not the “based on looks and pedigree” stereotype people have in their heads. I held many leadership positions, and received several thousands of dollars in scholarships from the National grant, which was great since I paid my own way through college.
Fast forward 30 years, I still keep in touch with many of the girls from my sorority, we get together annually with our own kids. My son is now a freshman at my alma mater. While I can’t say I’m dying for him to pledge, if he decided to that’s his decision. I guess I would just have to knock a few points off of his IQ. : )
“When is prejudice something to be proud of?”
That’s a rich question considering much of the Greek system is ALL ABOUT prejudice!
Count me in as a person who just doesn’t get it…i didn’t get it as a student myself and i now don’t understand it as a parent. Neither of my kids have had any interest (I’m grateful) but there’s no way, as a a parent, that i would have paid for it. In the best-case scenario, you limit yourself to people just like yourself and you do this in the 1st five days of college. In the worst-case scenario, you’re left for dead by your “brothers.” The latest one being this week – http://abcnews.go.com/US/phi-delta-theta-fraternity-shutters-lsu-chapter-pledges/story?id=49932991
My daughter’s college doesn’t have rush until Spring for the very reasons you list.
Although my DD is a junior, she is considering rushing this year. Many of her friends are in sororities and she is finding it hard to socialize with them…also for things like Homecoming the greeks go with their fraternities/sororities and she doesn’t have anyone to go with. She wants a bigger group of potential friends to socialize with.
Three reasons I see people join frats
1.For some people (like me) it’s just a group of people to get drunk with 3 times a week.
2.Others want a community they’ll have fun in for 3/4 years & maybe make some life long friends.
3.Others see it as a way to help them professionally/academically (networking, connections, or whatever professional frats do)
“Much of the Greek system is ALL ABOUT prejudice!”
That is a ridiculous statement. It’s obvious that many have a chip on their shoulder regarding the Greek system, but there’s no need to demean the experience for others. As it has been repeatedly stated, Greek life varies depending on the house, the school and the state.
“It was on an invitation basis and you came in if invited for a weekend.” < mentioned earlier as a way a university recruits before school even starts. So, how does this even work? What generates this invitation if you’re not even on campus yet? How good you look in your social media? A friend of a friends?
Just really odd to me as it seems so superficial.
^^ People from your high school who are already members, family/friend connections can recommend you. In some cases people are well-known on social media. If the superficial aspect of this particular recruiting tactic is a turn-off, then students should not pledge that house. There are plenty of houses you can be introduced to in person. Although, the system in the South is in a league of its own from what I hear.
@stardustmom you hit the nail on the head. I think there is a world of difference between my sorority experience at a NJ state school and, say, U of AL. I’ve never heard of bids prior to school starting. At my son’s school, every organization sets up a table in the student center and anyone is welcome to come and get to know each group. It’s a few hundred dollars a year for dues. A friend was just telling me about her daughter’s experience with U of AL (although she ended up not going there) and it was a huge commitment money-wise. I’m sure that partly accounts for the widely different views on the post as well.
"People from your high school who are already members, family/friend connections can recommend you. "
Another way of being exclusionary and sticking only with “your kind”, IMO.
No thank you. Glad my kids value diversity in their friendships and encounters on campus. Let’s hear it for organically formed friendships!
^^ Oh please. You mean every single friend of yours is totally different than you?
These kids go off to college and have a hard time. Some make friends easily and others do not. What’s wrong with trying to find “your people”? It doesn’t mean you can’t make friends with others, but it’s nice to feel some comfort.
Stop with the blanket statements. There have been many on this thread who state it’s different at different schools. Greek life works for some, and not for others. Just like many things in life. I respect your decision not to have joined Greek life, but please respect other who do decide to join.
^^ What makes you think Greek houses have no diversity? My son’s fraternity is one of the most diverse and welcomes international students. I’m sure your kids selected their friends based on some commonality. The same goes with Greek houses, it’s just in a more organized fashion - and they get better food.
“^ What makes you think Greek houses have no diversity?”
My eyes and photos I’ve seen. That’s great if your kids’ house is diverse. Although I’m sure it is not the only one to be that way, that isn’t the norm, though, from what I’ve witnessed myself.
If you’re going to make blanket statements about the system, then you need to be above the system. Complaining about prejudice when you are prejudice doesn’t fly.
I was not in a sorority and still managed to have many friends who were. No one in any house ever made me feel less than worthy. I was invited to open dinners and parties everywhere. Interestingly enough, it’s my friends in the sororities who I have kept up with over the years. My non-sorority fellow dormies were the most exclusionary people I encountered in four years. Some had a chip on their shoulders because they didn’t get into THE sorority they wanted and some felt that they were better than the sorority girls. (Which actually brings me to another aspect … if you are only pledging a sorority because you want to be in the “popular” house, you aren’t going to have a very good experience. You need to find the house that has the people in it that you like for who they are, not what they are.)
"You need to find the house that has the people in it that you like for who they are, not what they are.
Making blanket statements in support of greek life that don’t apply to all greek life rings as sugar-coating IMO. Of course, not all greek life is the same. However, don’t dismiss valid criticism of some of what exists, which is much of what is posted here. Stop taking it as a personal affront to your particular child’s experience as opposed to institutional issues.
For those schools, not unusual mind you, that do pledging before school starts or right at the beginning of the school year, how exactly does one “find the house that has the people in it that you like for who they are, not what they are” in that kind of timeframe? I’d argue it is impossible to do the process for anything other than superficial reasons.