It's official: I'm dropping out of high school.

Parents Forum
1

<p>I'm experiencing a major dilemma in my life right now, a crossroads of sorts, one that requires immediate attention. I need some serious help.</p>

<p>It started with my first B. Lame, I know, to react in the way that I did (which is to say, certifiably insane) to such a minuscule problem, but it was the only way I knew how to deal with it. With anything, really. The problem, or more aptly, one of many, was that I had been struggling with a mild case of OCD all my life. The perfectionism (to put it lightly) was something that I had always known was there, but had only ever proved to help me. Well, that was over now, and it - my perfectionism/OCD/whatever you want to call it - laid the path for my depression. I was wobbling (dangerously, I might add) on the line between sanity and insanity.</p>

<p>When I finally toppled over into the land of the insane, I didn't know what to do. Even my AP Psychology class had not prepared me for what I was about to experience firsthand: mental illness and its accompanying stigma. </p>

<p>For the last three months of my sophomore year, depression ruled my life. I'm not talking your run of the mill, my-grandpa-died-so-I'm-sad depression, either. I'm talking can't-get-out-of-bed, hate-myself-and-the-world, alienate-myself-from-all-I-ever-loved depression. The worst kind. The kind I know only too well. </p>

<p>Before that hideous monster of a thing, depression, reared its ugly head, I was doing well. I was the quintessential Harvard applicant (though I was more of a Yalie, myself). Straight-A student, on my way to becoming the editor of both the literary magazine (which I founded, no less) and the school newspaper and captain of the Varsity dance team, a lead in the musical, and a slew of other activities not worth mentioning here. I danced 10 hours per week apart from the dance team, volunteered at homeless shelters, and loved learning about new cultures. I loved learning in general. Actually, I loved life in general. (That might be a bit of an overstatement. I appreciated life, certainly, which is just as, if not more, important, I now realize.)</p>

<p>Completely demotivated, I lay in bed for three months pondering life's questions and searching for answers that were never there. I tried to go to school - really, I did - but it just wasn't working for me. My teachers were incredibly accommodating (especially for a public school) and worked with me over the summer months to earn back the As they said I deserved. (Which, undoubtedly, I didn't, but I didn't tell them that.) I knew I could not go back to that school. </p>

<p>So I moved on to an alternative school. (Talk about stigma.) It went well, and I got As, and I was happy. And that's how it went for a while. Until, again, depression struck. I don't know what it was this time, only that it was worse than before. Then, to make matters worse, I was hospitalized for an intensive surgery that landed me in the hospital for 2 months, where I felt so much better, better than ever before. Now, finally, I was ready again. I was landing on my feet for the first time in one and a half years and was ready to gain back everything I had lost, everything I had worked so hard for over the past 16 years.</p>

<p>I transferred to my third high school (for my second junior year) to a rigorous college prep school, the most rigorous and structured of any school. This was it, I thought. This would be my gateway to my dreams, to Good Grades and a Perfect College and a Perfect Job and a Perfect Life. But then, of course - you guessed it - depression struck once again. Like lightning, this time with a vengeance and a vendetta: to never allow me happiness. </p>

<p>I'm dropping out of high school. I'm done. I've tried everything, from psychiatry to psychology to therapy to medicine to even (dare I say it?) hospitalization. I've worked on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and challenging my thoughts and blah blah blah and I'm just so sick of it all. I'm really ready to move on from all this and just die. But since that's not an option, really, I've decided to just move on from high school. </p>

<p>I've thought about my options, weighed them over, and just cannot come to a clear consensus. Right now, it seems that my best option would be to stay in school (of course) but that doesn't mean it has to be high school, right? I mean, couldn't I go on to community college, earn my GED later, and then go on to a 4-year institution? That really seems like my best option, but I need some support. My parents have basically said that they've given up on me and are completely unwilling to keep trying. I need some support, and since I'm not getting it from my parents, the people who are actually supposed to be supporting me no matter what, I've resorted to eliciting help from strangers on the Internet. I realize that this is a pathetic cry for help, but I'm just so lost. Please, if you have any idea as for what I could do, please help me. I really could use any help you, as parents, have to offer. </p>

<p>Thank you so much for taking the time to read this/and or comment. You don't know how much I appreciate it! :)</p>

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<p>i really dont have any ideas for you, except to talk to your counsellors or therapists. of course it would be helpful to be able to talk to your parents also but it seems you dont feel that is possible. maybe they are at a loss also and just dont know how to help just as you dont know what to do. You seem incredibly articulate and hopefully some one in a professional capacity could help guide you and your parents.</p>

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<p>It sounds like you've given up on yourself. My brother suffers from depression and all I know is that it takes a long time to get the right medication and the right dosage. Keep trying! You are a great writer and have a lot of potential.</p>

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<p>How have your parents reacted to this?</p>

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<p>I went through something similar. I know I'm not a parent, but this sounded too much like me during high school, so I just want to chime in a little. If you would still like to get a diploma, you might consider enrolling in a homeschooling program in your area. I know this will sound bad, but if worst comes to worst, you can fake your way through any evaluations, if you're smart (and you seem to be). That way you still get a diploma and can apply to colleges, which I did. You don't want to close the door on that option, and although you probably won't be able to get into the same caliber schools with a last minute enrollment in a homeschooling program, with an additional explanatory essay or some similar addendum, you could still end up very well off in terms of opportunities available to you.</p>

<p>I wasn't motivated enough to apply to more than five schools, two of which were top in the country and I was rejected at. The other three were my local and luckily, pretty good state school, a smaller state school in another state, and a tier 2 school, all of which I got into. If you can make it seem like you did it out of dissatisfaction with the state of public education today, LACs might like that, if you're interested in any.</p>

<p>But really, what I want to say is this: things will get better for you. If you can take action right now, then take it. And if you don't feel up to it, wait it out and mentally prepare yourself with the knowledge that at some point, you are going to do something about your situation. I don't mean going back for more therapy or that type of thing, since you've obviously had more than enough of that, but just trying to find some alternate route that is going to set you back on the path to happiness.</p>

<p>Also, not that I'm pushing meds, I'm just curious: have you ever been on antidepressants? They seem to help a lot of people, although sometimes the first one(s) you try may not work and the experimenting and lack of success can be discouraging. However, the severity of the depression you describe is far beyond what anyone should have to live with. While you try and figure things out though, don't allow yourself to stop thinking about the future. Just always keep some hope that in a week, or a month, or even a year, you are going to feel better about yourself and your life. That little bit of hope can be the thing that keeps you going when nothing else can. You're not pathetic; your stress has simply exceeded your coping resources.</p>

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<p>Thank you all so much for your thoughtful and helpful responses. I genuinely appreciate it.</p>

<p>To DeirdreTours: My parents - especially my mom - throughout this entire 2-year ordeal have been generally patient and kind. Of course, there have been some times when they felt like giving up, but it had never come to this. Now they've said they've given up and are leaving me to fend for myself. I feel so alone, which as you can probably imagine, only proves to worsen my depression. I feel so guilty for putting my family through this, but I feel like it's not my fault. It seems that they're making it out to be that way, though, and are punishing me for an illness I cannot control. I just don't know what to do.</p>

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<p>Perfectionism is NOT OCD. Are you saying you are OCD and a perfectionist?</p>

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<p>Perhaps fault doesn't matter. Maybe a break from school is the best thing for awhile. Like the other poster, I think maybe, with the help of you physician, you could explore the use of an antidepressant medication. Depression is a chemical issue (there is debate about what causes the chemical changes present in the depressed brain, but no debate that there are significant chemical differences between the non-depressed and depressed brain). Many people find antidepressants helpful, although often several must be tried before finding an effecctive one.</p>

<p>And, lastly-- No one ever really knows what to do. Usually we just follow in a well traveled path, step by step. Your path doesn't look to be as commonly traveled, but there are others who have been there, maybe your counselor or physician could help you connect with some of them.</p>

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<p>with regard to medication, OP said "I've tried everything, from psychiatry to psychology to therapy to medicine to even (dare I say it?) hospitalization. "</p>

<p>although this is also true</p>

<p>"Perfectionism is NOT OCD"....</p>

<p>and made me wonder...</p>

10

<p>
[quote]
I've thought about my options, weighed them over

[/quote]
</p>

<p>You sound so discouraged and defeated. And you now have guilt because it feels like it's your fault that your parents are giving up on you.</p>

<p>What options have you considered, and what are your thoughts about them (besides the community college idea you already mentioned)? What do your parents mean by "fend for yourself"?</p>

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<p>I'm useless as far as advice about the depression issue, but just practically speaking you should know that you do not need a diploma to go to college. And honestly, you do not need a GED either, although there's nothing wrong with earning one if it is something you'd like to do. With a non-traditional education, there may be more weight given to your SAT scores, but that's often a good thing for students like you.</p>

<p>And screw Harvard and Yale. If there was ever an environment designed to destroy you, that's it.</p>

<p>I think the hardest thing for you will be finding a situation to proceed from where you are both relieved of the pressure to PERFORM, but also not left completely without structure in your life. I hope you can find that place. Community College may be a great place to start putting pieces together --slowly-- that keep you feeling like you're moving forward but not that you're being crushed. Little steps for little feet.</p>

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<p>You do need support, and even though it is only online, you have mine. I wish you well. </p>

<p>You have been in therapy, you say. Your parents need to be in therapy as well. I mean this with no disrespect to what they have already tried to do. But family therapy is highly indicated here, if you have not done it already. For parents to "give up" on an ill kid is an additional terrible burden for you. Moreover, your depresssion is affecting yr family as well as yourself. That can amplify whatever other problems you are enduring. See if you can enlist another trusted adult to talk to yr mom, dad, and siblings to convince them to go. It will not cure your problems, but carried out regularly--for how long is for your therapist to determine--but it will help as the whole family understands what you are going through and how it is affecting them. Sometimes family therapy can break a vicious cycle. And maybe help you figure out how to further yr education along the way. </p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

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<p>You are reaching out for help, and that is a very smart move. You've already been given a lot of extremely wise advice on this forum; I have nothing further to add.</p>

<p>It sounds like you have been through a lot in your young life, more than most people face in a lifetime. I will be thinking of you, and watching here for updates on how things go, if you choose to share.</p>

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<p>(((Hug)))
I am sorry you are going through all this. You obviously want this cycle to end and are trying to find that exit door. Have you been evaluated for manic depressive disorder or bi polar disorder as it is called now? For now you should focus on getting your feet on the ground, finding a therapist, seeing that therapist regularly. Then just breathe. Take some pressure off yourself. I wonder if every time your depression hits it is in response to your stressing over school...and your OCD....better for you to drop out and not get any grade than to get a B because of your perfectionism.</p>

<p>I recommend this book often but it is called "the Feeling Good handbook" its a yellow book with blue letters and it is a good book. I also recommend a good psychiatrist and psychologist....and stay in therapy even when you are feeling good so they can catch you on your way down. I also recommend you take the pressure off for college right now and just concentrate solely on this quarter. Some kids feel much more pressure when talking about the future.</p>

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<p>Leaving high school and going on to community college is a good solution for a lot of students. I think it's a better alternative, for many students, than an alternative high school. That, combined with some strong counseling/medical support, might very well be a good idea. </p>

<p>Here are some reasons:</p>

<p>Community college is very flexible. You can pick the courses you want to take, the times you want to take them. If things don't go well one semester, you can pretty easily withdraw, especially if you have medical reasons, and try again the next semester. So there is flexibility. There is no harsh time limit on completion, you can take 3-4 years to finish and transfer, and no one would think it was unusual at all. </p>

<p>Also, community college students are older and more independent, doing their own thing, you can be as socially involved or distant as is comfortable, and frankly, no one will care.</p>

<p>Anyway, I hope you can get the support and counseling you need and with that make some good, careful, steps towards reaching your educational goals.</p>

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<p>Wow, you guys are great! Thanks so much for all the well-thought-out and extremely thoughtful responses. It means a lot to me to know that there is still some hope for this world, that there remains a great many people willing to help others (even strangers!) with no self-benefit. Thank you, thank you, and again, thank you!</p>

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<p>So sorry to hear of your ordeal Faransaa. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. You sound like a very bright and articulate person, who will ultimately become a fine contributor to society. You've gotten some great advice from parents as well as questions. Continue to pursue options, I'm sure there are several parents with professional experience in this field who will weigh in, one off the top of my head is Northstarmom. Good luck</p>

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<p>I second and third everything every one else has said, and have one possible additional consideration: Is it possible your parents have "given up on me and are completely unwilling to keep trying" because they think this is "tough love"? That is, do they think they've been too easy on you, too accomodating, and by being tough, you'll "grow up" or "snap out of it"? It's possible someone has given them this [bad] advice.</p>

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<p>To ADad: I've considered many options, some feasible, some not. As far as I'm concerned, the only possible choices I have are to a) attend community college for 1-2 years, depending on my acceptances at 4-year institutions; b) earn my GED; c) home school myself for a year; or d) do all of the above. I honestly see option d as the best choice, the one that leaves the most paths to choose from and doesn't close any doors or burn any bridges. All of my choices involve dropping out of high school, though, which is a hard concept for me to grasp. Education is the most important thing to my family (both my parents have earned Master's and are extremely successful) and I feel like I have a lot to live up to. I know my parents would love me and be proud of me no matter what, but I just don't want to disappoint anyone, especially not after all the work so many people have put in to try to help me. </p>

<p>To VeryHappy: It is possible that my parents have received this bad advice because, yes, they were always very lenient and flexible, at least towards me, though I never was the rebellious type. I preferred reading and discussion to parties and alcohol. They never had a reason to be anything but lenient with me, because really, I never did anything that would elicit strict punishment or discipline. I don't want to make my parents out to be the bad guys - they really have been supportive along the way -; I only want them to see that I still need that support, now more than ever. Family therapy was a great suggestion.</p>

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<p>faransaa, both my kids were homeschooled and are now in college. It's better to consider what you're doing as changing your path to a more suitable educational option than "dropping out." Your family with its strong focus on education can be both a support and even a reason to make this change... so it need not be a disappointment, but rather an exciting new adventure. And one that gives you great flexibility.</p>

<p>Teenage homeschoolers very frequently combine independent study, community college or 4-year public college classes, online or distance courses, apprenticeships, arts groups, sports clubs, travel... you name it. It's your education, you can do what you want with it! But by no means should you consider it a failure to move on to another option that will suit you better.</p>