Hi everyone,
I’m a junior, and about a month ago I thought I had settled on which two teachers I was going to ask for recommendations. So, I asked one of those teachers for a recommendation and she agreed. Now I’ve realized that another teacher would be much, much better (the one that I did ask doesn’t really know me and I made a hasty decision in asking her). My question is, would it be a horrible thing to say to the teacher I did ask that I’d rather have someone else write my rec? (Obviously I wouldn’t put it like it that.) I really respect this teacher and I’ll have her for the rest of the year, so I don’t want to hurt our relationship.
Can’t you just let it go and have three recs? Send the so-so one to your safety, maybe, or nowhere at all.
I don’t think you need to do or say anything. When the time for recommendations comes along next year, just don’t request anything from the teacher you don’t want a recommendation from. Likely he/she will have forgotten all about it and/or will be relieved to have one fewer recommendation to do. If you were to say something, it would be weird.
FWIW, at my d17’s (private) school, they recommend that you give 3-4 teachers a form to fill out which is sent directly to the college counselors, so that the counselors can get a sense of what those teachers might write let you know who among them would be your best choice for a recommendation.
@LoveTheBard Thanks, that helps a lot. I had a feeling I was overthinking it.
The other thing I forgot to mention is that the teacher I’ve asked only writes 15 recommendations but gets a lot of requests… so I wouldn’t want to be holding up a spot that could be going to someone else. In that case, would it still be better just to let it go unless she says anything next fall?
I’ve never heard of a quota for recommendations!
In that case, I would wait until the end of the semester. Most people won’t ask until the fall anyway. And there are always a few last minute ones that will be relieved that they didn’t blow it by asking too late.
Or do as @bodangles suggests; use this teacher for a summer program/internship or a safety school and save the others for the real thing.
I’ve heard of quotas, and those are set by teachers who are in greatest demand. In order to preserve their sanity, and hold students to a level of responsibility in making it their job to ask in a timely fashion, such teachers will place limits on their time.
I would think such a teacher also gives only a considered and positive recommendation, and may even choose to whom to say ‘yes’ to, not feeling obligated just because they are asked. It’s like they, too, are choosing.
Either way, @bodangles’ suggestion, as referenced by LoveTheBard, is a good one to go with.
Do not ever tell her…and stop feeling guilty about it. You are just going to create bad feelings by telling her, and that will make you feel way worse than you do now. Just use her whenever a second teacher reference is allowed, and hopefully she’ll remain none the wiser. 
Don’t say a word. Just wait until very yearly in senior year, and ask your top two teachers for recs. if yiu really feel awkaeard, ask your counselor to let the other teacher know that you changed your mind. No problem. And yes, popular teachers can set limits as to how many they will write. It is a lot of work to write a good recommendation. Do ensure though that whoever writes yiur recs knows what colleges to send them to. If the other teacher does come back and ask, then you will just have to level, and say you decided it would be best to ask another teacher, because you wanted one humanities rec and one rec from math/science, or whatever works.
Thanks everyone for the very helpful responses. Based on what you all have said, I think I’ll just wait and see if she says anything next fall, and if she does, I’ll tell her (politely) that I won’t need her recommendation or I’ll use her for my safety school. The quota thing makes it difficult, but as LoveTheBard said, I guess there will still be many people in the fall who haven’t asked and would be glad if a spot opened up.
Thanks again everyone for responding! Wish I hadn’t rushed into asking for a recommendation and gotten myself into this mess, but you all have made it seem a lot more manageable.
You can also ask at the end of the school year. They would know by then that you were serious, and if they started filling up their quota, would save a spot for you. But early in the fall of senior year is best.