<p>My situation is the opposite. My girlfriend is atheist, and so am I (I finally cut the apron strings of faith quite recently), but my single mother remains quite devout. My sister maybe is somewhere in between.</p>
<p>I can't even begin to explain the abandonment of faith to my family. Especially to my hardworking mother, whose efforts I treasure but whose narrow-minded unintellectual attitude to life I find annoying (whenever science conflicts with doctrine).</p>
<p>Luckily more than 2/3 of my tuition + room and board are covered by grants, loans and a 2,000 / yr scholarship, and my work can cover a good portion of the rest, but that still leaves some of my EFC hanging .... but I feel especially guilty after my mother roped in one of her close friends to help fund my expenses out of Christian charity.</p>
<p>I don’t think she’ll disown you. Tell her that it was something that was not under your control. . . If you know what I mean. When you think too much you realize things. Try to tell her that it not about drugs and sex, but its about the fact that your dis-belief in god is due to uncontrollable thought.</p>
<p>Why do you need to tell your family that you are an atheist? If you feel that you are accepting their help with college under false pretenses, then don’t accept their help, but work another job or take out more loans to cover what family and friends now are paying for.</p>
<p>Well my girlfriend thinks it’s cowardly that I keep a copout vague description of my religious views in my facebook profile rather than admitting it publicly.</p>
<p>I’m slightly worried that if I do that, my sister will rat out to my mother.</p>
<p>Here’s my advice Galoisien: Do not tell your parents you’re an atheist. Let me explain my situation and you’ll understand where this advice comes from:</p>
<p>My parents are Islamic Fundamentalists, and growing up, they were beyond strict - I wasn’t allowed to date, have male friends, my parents hated my non-Muslim friends, they rarely would allow me to go out, I wasn’t allowed to attend dances/parties, they made me dress very modestly (no burqa, but very conservatively). Growing up, I was always told, “Muslim girls don’t do this and Muslim girls don’t do that.” Apparently, all Muslim girls are supposed to do is learn to cook, clean, read the Quran and pray regularly, and live with their parents until a suitable hubby is found, then have Muslim babies and continue the cycle. </p>
<p>I became an agnostic by the time I was like 13. I secretly had boyfriends, secretly went to parties, would change my clothes when I got to school (I dress/act modestly, but I’m not an extremist). If my parents found any of this out, they would have me living on a streets in a heartbeat. My mom flipped out when she found me talking to one of my guy friends one day and punished me for it - she cares about her religion more than anything and is basically brainwashed into thinking everyone is evil and will go to Hell. </p>
<p>I don’t know your parents, but if they are anywhere close to mine, they will cut you off. Me, I’m using their money to get through college and then I can live freely for the rest of my life. Maybe that makes me a terrible person, but I don’t care. I shouldn’t have to suffer because I’m not an Islamic Fundamentalist.</p>
<p>Explain to your girlfriend that the time isn’t right for you to bring this up to your mother right now. This isn’t something that needs to be projected to the public. When you’re home, just avoid conversations about religion–keep things vague. If your girlfriend can’t respect your decision to keep things quiet around your mom, she must not care very much about you. Who really cares what your facebook says. Why don’t you delete the religious views out of your profile?</p>
<p>your parents should be proud that you’re a rational human being. but anyways, facebook isn’t the best place to broadcast every one of your little personal beliefs. just leave your religious views blank. or are you compelled for some reason to inform every single creepy stalker of your beliefs?</p>
<p>wow stargazerlilies, that’s just proof of how terrible and oppressive a religion islam is. i’m so sorry you had to experience that.</p>
<p>Well she wants me to make things public /eventually/. I believe she is very caring. (lol, more than believe, make that very sure.) But she’s like, “she’s your mother! She’ll eventually have to understand /sometime/!” … while my eyes shift nervously.</p>
<p>Senor boombox - no, I don’t think Islam is terrible (I have studied it in Sunday school for 12 years and read the Quran in Arabic/English 3 times btw). It is really not that different from traditional Christianity/Judaism. It’s just my parents, and people like them, that are nutbags. </p>
<p>Galoisien - Tell you girlfriend that you’re worried your parents will no longer pay for college. Who gives a crap what it says on Facebook? She probably grew up in a non-devout home with rational parents, so she doesn’t understand the way these irrational devout people think. This reminds me of all the times in HS when I couldn’t go to Prom or anything and my friends would be like, “I’m sure if you told your Mom and Dad how you really feel, they would say yes! They should love you and support you and let you have fun!” Hahhaha pshhh the kids with normal parents have it so good, they’re cute :)</p>
<p>yes, do NOT tell your parents. one day in the very far future it might slip out, but still i suggest taking part in the dinner time prayer and make everything seem okay. </p>
<p>there is nothing worse than losing your family for anything.</p>
<p>LOL senor boombox, I get what you mean now Still, I agree with dead passenger - it’s not worth it to lose your family. I’ll be honest, i’m basically using my parents for money/shelter (hey, so are most of you). And I understand that I have to comply with their beliefs if I want to go to college and have a roof over my head, so I do so. And I lie and pretend I’m like them, but I’m not. One day they’ll know that, but i can’t tell them yet.</p>
<p>Quite fortunately, my mom didn’t completely freak out when she found out I was agnostic. I didn’t have a problem broadcasting it to facebook/my friends, but I just never brought it up at home; I never felt the need to.
I was raised Baptist, and my mom still believes in that side of Christianity, although she doesn’t go to church much. I haven’t believed in god since like, 10th grade though (definitely was NOT broadcasting it back then… I’m from Alabama, people freak the sh-t out when you aren’t Protestant Christian).
She eventually saw it on my facebook when I left the screen up accidentally, and asked me about it, so I told her. She was a little upset at the time, but only for about a day. I’m not sure she really understands it, because from what I know about most religious people, they can never really understand when others don’t believe, but she doesn’t mention it much anymore. She’s pretty much just like, you can think for yourself so I’m not going to argue. </p>
<p>Honestly, I would just wait til you are out of college and then tell your mom if you are that worried about it. After that, she may be upset, but at least your education is not in jeopardy.</p>
<p>Why is it your girlfriend’s business? It isn’t like she is married to you. She also isn’t going to help pay for your school if your mom disowns you. End of story.</p>
<p>Don’t tell your mom. It’s up to you what your faith is.</p>
<p>As for Islam, fundamentalism, no matter what religion, is dangerous. My belief? all religion is stupid.</p>
<p>But I avoid all discussion of religion and go to church when my mom does. When my mom’s out of town, I go to church if I get around to it, but only for the food (we go to an Asian church where they hold potluck lunches that are, well, awesome). But I spend most of the year away from home, and I have one strict rule and that is sunday is my sleep-in day. I’m not going anywhere.</p>
<p>If you ever have to try to explain how you feel, just say that your thoughts about modern monotheism are probably like your parents’ thoughts about Greek mythology.</p>
<p>Any anytime the Jehova’s witnesses tries to come and “save me”, I’m just gonna go tell them I’m a pastafarian and I believe in the flying spaghetti monster (penne monster, fettucine monster, farfalle monster, pappardelle monster, linguine monster, whatever, depending on what pasta I feel like ).</p>
Still, I agree with dead passenger - it’s not worth it to lose your family. I’ll be honest, i’m basically using my parents for money/shelter (hey, so are most of you). And I understand that I have to comply with their beliefs if I want to go to college and have a roof over my head, so I do so. And I lie and pretend I’m like them, but I’m not. One day they’ll know that, but i can’t tell them yet.</p>
).</p>