<p>So first, some background:
For most of my life, I was raised as a Christian. All through elementary school and middle school, my parents sent me to Sunday School, church events, etc. This was all fine with me until high school rolled around and I started to see new perspectives. Now, I really feel uncomfortable attending religious events, because with my current beliefs, it doesn't feel honest. </p>
<p>My parents were very apprehensive about this when I first told them, but they eventually became a little more complacent about it. However, when we started discussing college applications, they were dead-set on sending me to a religious school. I tried to reason with them like I had before, but they wouldn't listen- I was going to apply only to Christian colleges and that was the end of the story. </p>
<p>I don't know what to do! I don't want to spend the next four years of my life at a school which makes me be someone I'm not, but if I don't, I won't have their support. How can I deal with my parents?</p>
<p>I won't belabor the point that if they are paying, they can restrict your choice; but I am wondering what sorts of Christian colleges are in the running. Pepperdine, for example, is a Christian college that welcomes and enrolls students of all faiths, but is a Christian college in philosophy and spiritual orientation. Other Christian colleges may not be as, well, inclusive, shall we say. So find out if they want you to go to Bob Jones University or if a college that has a Christian orientation will suffice.</p>
<p>Good luck. It might not be as bad as it sounds.</p>
<p>That's a tough one, Zokman.
If you've made your beliefs (or lack of) clear to them, you might ask them what exactly it is they think you would gain from going to a religious school. When you say that you will not have their support if you attend a non-religious college, do you mean moral, financial, or both?</p>
<p>Also, what type of religious school are they talking about? We have a friend whose son is at Fordham, who says the religion aspect is not at all overwhelming, and there are quite a few non-Catholic students there. </p>
<p>We have quite a range of religions and beliefs in our family. Catholic, Protestant, Agnostic, Atheist... My 14 year old told me recently that she doesn't believe in god, and never has. I was surprised at my husband's initial reaction ("But you have to believe in God!"). He is OK with it now, I think. If you search threads here on CC you can definitely find some threads on the subject of religious vs. non-religious colleges. It is definitely a personal preference, though one that I think should be left up to the person attending.</p>
<p>Don't know if it helps, but there are many private colleges founded by religious denominations that really don't have an overt religious character anymore. For example, Emory was founded by Methodists, but is for all intents and purposes a secular institution now. That is true of many, many private colleges. Could you talk up the founding principles of the colleges you're interested in? When you visit with your parents, visit the chapel (nearly all schools have one) and find out about the Christian student organizations on campus, meet with a student representative of one if possible. This might put them a bit more at ease. Then when you actually enroll, you can explore (or not) your spiritual interests --whatever they may be-- and let college be the time to just learn more about different perspectives... as college always is at its best.</p>
<p>i go to Fordham. i could give two flying Fs about religion. and aside from a tour on campus i took when i was a junior, i haven't even stepped into the chapels, churches on campus. besides having to take 2 theology classes, you wouldn't even realize you're at a jesuit university. so much like others have said, there are many religious schools out there that are pretty tolerant of other faiths. so it's not the end of the world to attend a school with religious roots as it doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be overwhelming and forcing religion down your throat.</p>
<p>worst case scenario, it just means you'll have to foot the bill for college if you don't want to be restricted by your parents choices which also isn't the end of the world. it's been done before.</p>
<p>I'm not too much of a religious person myself, but I would say that attending a Chrsitian school will only be a problem for you if you let it be one. There are a lot of non-religious or non-Christian students getting great educations and having wonderful experiences at many different Christian schools across the country.</p>
<p>You can find Christian schools that range widely from being very religious to those that are barely religious at all. </p>
<p>How much latitude are your parents giving you on selecting a Christian school?</p>
<p>If it is practical, I would encourage you to visit a couple that seem to be the best fit for you, and at the very least engaging in some discussion forums with students on those campuses.</p>
<p>The religious aspect of the relationship between my mother and I is similar to yours. She's a devout Roman Catholic and I'm not quite.</p>
<p>You should try looking into Georgetown. I believe they're the largest Catholic university, but in reality it's quite secular. There are many universities out there that operate under the auspices of religion, but are really very "normal." </p>
<p>Remind your parents that almost all colleges have some type of religious club/group. Sermons usually are held every week and there are plenty of religious niches that can provide a very close experience to a Christian college. To be honest, how much more can a Christian college provide (religiously) than the summation of all the activities (religious) you partake in at another. </p>
<p>Now whether you do these things is up to you ^^. Try a variety of arguments and hopefully they'll see it your way!</p>
<p>well, i really want to give you some useful suggestions, but you know, i am Chinese, there is no this kind of problem worries me. but i know, we have to choose the life way by ourselves, hope you made a decision without regret, good luck!</p>
<p>I'm afraid the kind of Christian colleges his parents want (Wheaton? Taylor? Biola?) may require chapel attendance and even a profession of belief in fundamentalist principles, which would be a real issue for someone who doesn't have these beliefs.</p>
<p>Perhaps they would compromise with something still Christian but which does not have these strictures -- may be hard to find, but perhaps a Brethren institution like Goshen?</p>
<p>This is a very tough problem, as other compromises like joining a church and attending a secular institution are also not appealing.</p>
<p>I see you also posted on the Christian Colleges thread -- Pepperdine was a good suggestion.</p>
<p>How about Baylor?</p>
<p>Hillsdale (in Michigan) has a reputation for being conservative -- may have many conservative Christian students without being an explicitly Christian college, might be worth a look see.</p>
<p>Do not let your parents force you into a college you don't want to go to.</p>
<p>Full stop, end of story.</p>
<p>Even if this means having to go it alone as far as funding, that will be infinitely preferable to being stuck at a place for four years that you do not want to go. You will not succeed at a college which does not fit your personal educational values and goals.</p>
<p>Check out your in-state publics where tuition is generally reasonably affordable. Get a job, work your way through, take out some loans if necessary. There are plenty of people who do that.</p>
<p>Be dead honest with them. Tell them you're not interested in Christian schools. Seek peer support from your friends and talk to your school's college counselor, if it has one.</p>
<p>You can either spend the next four years of your life lying to them and yourself, or you can stand up for yourself and your values as an adult. Are you going to let them pick your major for you, too, and your employer after you graduate?</p>
<p>I am sorry that you have parents who are so unsupportive, hostile, closed-minded and selfish as to not respect the independent values of their children :(</p>
<p>Hillsdale would be a terrible choice for a non-believer. It's an explicitly right-wing Christian fundamentalist college which goes so far as to reject all government funding - including any government financial aid for its students.</p>
<p>The OP clearly does not want to go to a Christian-based college. Why should he turn control of the next four years of his adult life over to his parents?</p>
<p>The OP is an adult and should make adult decisions. Giving into a completely irrational parental demand like this is setting himself up for failure down the line. Do you really think he's going to succeed in an educational setting that he's said he won't be happy with?</p>
<p>No one should allow their college choice to be determined by their parents. That's just simply wrong. And any parent who would deign to decide which colleges his or her children may apply to, is quite simply not fit to be a parent.</p>
<p>Under most circumstances, it is almost impossible for a student to pay his own way through school, especially without ending up with a life crushing burden of debt. It is worth giving it a shot to see if there is any school on which he and his parents can agree.</p>
<p>My first real conflicts with my parents were around religion ... similar to yours ... they believed and wanted me to practice their religion ... and for me I knew I did not believe, and more importantly, continuing to practice the religion while not believing made me feel like I was lying and a hypocrit. It was tough to work through. Eventually I had to decide what compromises I was willing to make, which I was not, how to communicate my position (without attacking my parents beliefs), and accept the consequences if I decided I NEEDED to defy my parents wishes.</p>
<p>So back to your situation ... I would suggest a couple things. First, talk about the situation from your viewpoint while respecting and not critisizing your parents viewpoint.("I understand your beliefs and think it is great that your church community gives you so much support and fulfillment ... however for me when I go to church functions it makes me fell like xyz"). Second, try to keep your options open and avoid a big confrontation until it really has to happen. For example, when developing a list include the colleges your parents wish for you to apply and see if you can get them to expand the list to include schools like Georgetown, Fordam, or Providence College (assuming some of these colleges with some religious affiliation would be OK for you). If this works you have until the spring of your senior year to convince your parents to let you pick your own school. The final tougher step ... if your parents won't relent and you really can't see yourself at "their schools" what will you do? This is a very personal decision and only you know what is right or wrong for you ... should you repect your parents choice and tough it out for 4 years at their school? ... or is this too important for you that you need to step up and tell them while you respect their opinion you can not follow their choice and have decided to go to school X. The later obviously is a tough road to follow ... one, you may have to pay for all of college by yourself ... and two, and more importantly, you need to decide if this stand is worth the possible long-term effect on your relationship with your parents (BTW - if your parents were on this forum I'd make the same comment to them about forcing a school on you).</p>
<p>Back to me. I think I have an OK/good relationship with my parents. They are nice / caring people however I do have different goals / values about some things. As I type I can think of 3 times I decided I could not follow their decisions and had to (respectfully) defy them ... and deal with the consequences. Fortunately for me it seems my parents "listened" when I did this because in all 3 cases they eventually relented on their rules and let me choose my path. Interestingly two of these cases came late in HS which I do not think is random ... this was when I was figuring out who I was and where my values were different than my parents and wanted/needed to live by my value system. I needed to decide whether I could hang on until college (and out of site - where is that other thread about parents knowing what their kids do) or did I NEED to live by my values now ... and in a couple cases I NEEDED to act immediately.</p>
<p>This is a very tough situation ... good luck!</p>
<p>As several others have posted, there are a huge, wide range of Christian colleges, some fundamentalist where everyone in attendance is a believer, and others like Notre Dame, where many kids have little interest in faith issues.</p>
<p>I guess it is time to make a very adult decision. If you do not want to go to a school that your parents have selected, then you need to finance college yourself, even if it means community college for 2 years and then transferring or getting a job, saving and going at a later date.</p>
<p>I would apply as a senior to places of interest to YOU. See if you get in and get financial aid. If you get in, you can always ask for a one year deferrment and then figure out the rest.</p>
<p>Your parents have the right to put strings on their money and you have the right to decline the strings. Best of luck!</p>
<p>"I think it will be almost impossible for the OP to pay his own way through school."</p>
<p>You'd be wrong, I think.</p>
<p>There are innumerable thousands of students who work their way through college on a combination of jobs, loans, scholarships, etc. We don't even know this person's grades/test scores - it's quite possible he could be in line for quite a bit of free merit money.</p>
<p>Is it more difficult than getting everything paid for by mommy and daddy? Sure is. But it's not even close to impossible.</p>
<p>I count my blessings to have my parents pay tuition/fees/books/travel costs. I'm responsible for my own living expenses. That's still more help than a lot of people get.</p>
<p>Yep, you're right Travis, we don't have all the facts, which is why it is good to propose a variety of possible solutions as well as point out the pitfalls of some.</p>
<p>One thing you might tell your parents is that, of course, you will have to be scrupulously honest and tell the truth on your applications and in any college interviews, and that therefore you will probably not be admitted to any schools that require you to sign a profession of faith on the application.</p>
<p>IMHO college is a place to help mold yourself into the person you're going to become, not a place to reinforce the person you already are. Step 1: Accept that what you heard may not be what your parents want. Step 2: Accept this perceived dilemma as a positive (because it provides you an opportunity to show your parent how grown up you are). </p>
<p>As multiple prior posters have suggested, you need to clarify what your parents are looking for. Pepperdine? Great place. Georgetown? Great place. Brandeis? Great place. So ask them for a short list of schools they'd prefer. I agree that you shouldn't be forced to attend Pensacola Christian College or the like. But at this stage of your life you're far better off working with your parents.</p>