<p>My approach would be: Decide what your son absolutely must do by which date, communicate that to him, and make it easy for him to do. </p>
<p>I hope this story will help. In my household, the children must write thank you notes to their teachers before the last day of school, which is Wednesday. (Others might agree or disagree with this requirement. It is what we do in my household.) I bought blank notes and put them on the kitchen table. Sunday, I reminded my freshman son that they were there. Last night, I heard my daughter remind him that she would go to the office and put his in the teachers’ boxes at the same time she did hers if he had them ready by today. Lo and behold, a little later he told me he had written them. I asked if he wanted me to look at them. He said no. I asked if they were three or four sentences long. He said yes. I said great! We were done.</p>
<p>The question here is, what must your son do by what date? If he plans to go to college, his upcoming tasks are: request recommendations, decide where to apply and complete applications. </p>
<p>Whether he must request recommendations by the end of his junior year depends on his school. At my children’s college-prep school, students are required by the guidance office to request recommendations from two teachers. To finish junior year, they must turn in forms with signatures from those teachers (plus signatures from teachers stating that their textbooks have been turned in and perhaps other things.) This allows the teachers to write the recs over the summer. It is also to the students’ advantage if a teacher is leaving after this school year. Your son’s school apparently doesn’t require this. As others have stated, some teachers limit the number they’ll write, so even without a requirement, it is advisable to ask now. </p>
<p>At some point your son must decide where to apply (with or without a visit) and then must actually complete the applications–but those don’t have to happen immediately. </p>
<p>As you know your son and his high school, if you believe he really should ask for recs now, one approach might be: “Son, I need you to ask two teachers for recommendations before school is out this year. Even if it is not required by your school, I need it for my peace of mind. Once you’ve done that, you won’t hear a word from me about colleges for a month. If you want to ask in a letter, I’ll help you write it. If you want to ask verbally, I’ll help you think of what to say. Just let me know how you want me to help.” Then, of course, you’ll need to keep your promise–but this will be easier to do because you’ll know that he has done the one thing that had to get done.</p>
<p>Obviously you’ll want to adjust my advice to fit your son and your family, but I hope these ideas will help.</p>