Junior Son has no interest in college search

<p>Mother of 2 sons here. Neither were interested in college visits their junior years.
S1 was making plans about what he wanted to do (in college) by that time but wanted to attend our big state u. and saw no reason to visit elsewhere. We drug him on one visit the summer after jr. year. He didn’t like it and reaffimed his plan for state u.<br>
He visited after acceptance and loved it…went there on a full ride…grad. w/ honors and never wished he had shopped more.</p>

<p>S2 was an apathetic h.s. student who really didn’t decide he would give college a try until early senior yr. He picked out two state schools (sight unseen) applied, was accepted.
Chose his fav. of the two and finally went on a visit in Feb. of his senior year (mostly to appease me and to see the dorms). Just finished his soph. year and can’t wait to go back.</p>

<p>I agree with posters who advised OP to take a chill pill. I know it’s fun to do the whole college search with your oldest, and feel free to do all the e-learning you want, but you can keep all the information to yourself for now. Your son will get more interested in the fall when that’s the primary topic among his peers. No need to rush him into anything. Might end up with him pushing back and that is not a good thing. (Dragging kids to college visits is counterproductive.) Let him come to it in his own time.</p>

<p>Kids who go to a particular place just to please mom and dad often aren’t happy there. I have to go with everyone who said “relax”. You can push him on deadlines, etc, but the selection iteslf has to be on him.</p>

<p>My own d1 is a junior. She’s interested in a pretty specific and rather uncommon field. I wanted to spend some time this summer visiting 4 out of state colleges where she could study that. But nope. She does not want to go “too far” from home (she’s sort of a timid soul). That limits her to 3 area LACs. All will accept her (not terribly selective, and her stats put her in the top 25% of the incoming freshman class). She’ll go where she can get tuition exchange (esentially, it boils down to cost). She’s fine with the schools she’s looking at, and I have to learn to be, too.</p>

<p>You have no idea how relieved I am reading this thread, knowing that I’m not alone!! S knows he wants to go SOMEWHERE but has no idea where or for what. Music? Engineering? Psychology? He’s all over the map. And getting him to discuss it is like pulling teeth. 3 years ago D was all over the whole process. She researched, knew what she had to do in H.S., what to do for visits, apps, etc. Applied ED in Oct of Sr year and was done. With S, this could go on forever!</p>

<p>This is ponderous, man, PONDEROUS! (that’s a quote - can anyone place it?)</p>

<p>JustaMom:
Oom papa chuka maga!
To everyone: thanks for your excellent insight into this! A friend of mine described this beautifully: “This is a process that requires a great deal of communication…that comes at a time when your kid LEAST wants to communicate with you.”
To the OP: could you talk your son into visiting a nearby college that he does NOT want to attend with a friend, just to see what it is like to visit colleges? Tell him to find out what people ask, and try to find out what about a college matters to him. Joke with him that the kids probably won’t ask any questions; only the parents will ask. Tell him that there will likely be one parent who asks ridiculous questions on the tour and that he should look for this parent. This might break the ice for him, and it would not be with you, which may be an added bonus from his point of view.</p>

<p>My approach would be: Decide what your son absolutely must do by which date, communicate that to him, and make it easy for him to do. </p>

<p>I hope this story will help. In my household, the children must write thank you notes to their teachers before the last day of school, which is Wednesday. (Others might agree or disagree with this requirement. It is what we do in my household.) I bought blank notes and put them on the kitchen table. Sunday, I reminded my freshman son that they were there. Last night, I heard my daughter remind him that she would go to the office and put his in the teachers’ boxes at the same time she did hers if he had them ready by today. Lo and behold, a little later he told me he had written them. I asked if he wanted me to look at them. He said no. I asked if they were three or four sentences long. He said yes. I said great! We were done.</p>

<p>The question here is, what must your son do by what date? If he plans to go to college, his upcoming tasks are: request recommendations, decide where to apply and complete applications. </p>

<p>Whether he must request recommendations by the end of his junior year depends on his school. At my children’s college-prep school, students are required by the guidance office to request recommendations from two teachers. To finish junior year, they must turn in forms with signatures from those teachers (plus signatures from teachers stating that their textbooks have been turned in and perhaps other things.) This allows the teachers to write the recs over the summer. It is also to the students’ advantage if a teacher is leaving after this school year. Your son’s school apparently doesn’t require this. As others have stated, some teachers limit the number they’ll write, so even without a requirement, it is advisable to ask now. </p>

<p>At some point your son must decide where to apply (with or without a visit) and then must actually complete the applications–but those don’t have to happen immediately. </p>

<p>As you know your son and his high school, if you believe he really should ask for recs now, one approach might be: “Son, I need you to ask two teachers for recommendations before school is out this year. Even if it is not required by your school, I need it for my peace of mind. Once you’ve done that, you won’t hear a word from me about colleges for a month. If you want to ask in a letter, I’ll help you write it. If you want to ask verbally, I’ll help you think of what to say. Just let me know how you want me to help.” Then, of course, you’ll need to keep your promise–but this will be easier to do because you’ll know that he has done the one thing that had to get done.</p>

<p>Obviously you’ll want to adjust my advice to fit your son and your family, but I hope these ideas will help.</p>

<p>Just wanted to add, redundantly I am sure, that top kids don’t always need top schools to thrive and be happy!</p>

<p>Psych_ did a really nice job writing up her experiences as a “top student at a 3rd tier school-4 years later” Top kids don’t have to go to top schools to have fabulous opportunities and wonderful experiences. They don’t need to settle to get what they want out of college and life.</p>

<p>One of my D’s decided on school A when she had acceptances to B,C, D and E which were ranked higher, had better name recognition etc. I had a hard time with it initially but now know that she knew what she needed. Her experience has been challenging, rewarding and tons of fun so far.</p>

<p>Levirm…I had to google that! Nope. I was thinking Casey Kasem.</p>

<p>I’ve had S make up his own “timeline” so he can show it to me. Hopefully, it will put everything in perspective as far as WHAT he needs to do and WHEN he needs to do it. It’s so hard to back off…but they’re not my applications…grrrr</p>

<p>So what? In many cases college is completely overrated for people. Maybe he would be good learning a trade. Electricians here can earn $80/hr during overtime and with enough experience. The best part is that there is a demand for them too and also the fact that there are no student loans to bog him down for the next 20-30 years.</p>

<p>As I said on another thread, a new admissions season is starting, so LET THE NAGGING BEGIN, moms!</p>