<p>My son was initially VERY interested in looking at colleges while his sister was looking at schools - so shortly after she finished last year we began looking for with my son and we looked at several early on (before Feb of his junior year). Every school he has not found one he likes or says anything positive about - mostly he concentrates on the presentation the school gave - ie, he didn't like the powerpoint, he didn't like the tour guide, etc. - not really very meaningful reasons to reject a school outright. Doesn't come up with anything he really likes. He is hoping to major in math and music so I know he will have to do some auditions at some schools he applies to. Do I just try to get him to do his applications and then look at schools once he's admitted or once he auditions? I worry that he won't get his applications done either if he is this disinterested now. He has taken his SAT's and ACT's and quite frankly had a tough junior year course wise and a lot of time spent on extra curricular activities (music, etc) that he hasn't had much downtime to really think about the future. His test scores are very strong (2280 on his SAT's) and he has taken some subject tests - so it appears he is doing his prep work. My D is two years older and come August she had 7 schools she knew she wanted to apply and started working on her essays, teacher recommendations then. I tend to be a nagger (or so I am told :)) so I am trying to be patient but have other parents gone through this and if so, can you please assure me everything will be alright and I should just take a deep breath and try to relax.</p>
<p>He will get excited come fall when all of his friends are talking about where they are applying. Also maybe he is just frightened/overwhelmed by the thought that he is going to graduate and have to start a new life.</p>
<p>Is he picking the schools to visit or are you? If you are, maybe give him the “task” this summer of finding a couple schools to visit at the end of summer or early fall? There is a thread about all the reasons kids disliked a particular school, so sometimes I think, when they can’t articulate what is wrong, they choose something obscure to vocalize their lack of interest about a particular school. It’s entirely possible that your son is very interested in finding a school that “fits him” but you just haven’t found the right one yet.</p>
<p>Yeah, things will pick up a lot as his friends get really “in” to the college search. Give him some room, let him decompress after a tough jr. year, and remind yourself that he’s not his sister. He’ll find some great choices…it may not be 8, and it may not be by August…and maybe he’ll apply to a couple before he visits…relax.</p>
<p>I found the 2nd go-around much, much easier with my 2nd D. She’d already decided she wanted to follow her sister’s path, and really didn’t have too much motivation to spend the hours and hours in searching and researching that her sister did. It all worked out beautifully (although I do have to admit to some angst-filled moments last fall when deadlines were looming, to get her off the mark).</p>
<p>JSMom - We have similar families. My D1 became so detail-oriented over college apps three years ago that she got kind of obsessive. She probably spent 30-40 hours on drafting and refining essays. She spent hours at the computer, looking like she was attacking the most intimidating challenge in the world.</p>
<p>Two years later, with virtually the same record as her older sister, D2 was totally resistant to beginning the process. She didn’t want to visit, didn’t want to create a list, didn’t want to talk about or think about essays. It turned out that as a spectator two years earlier, she’d been so aghast at what she saw in her sister’s college search and application process that she’d developed a dread of it. We went over the steps, broke them down into manageable-sized tasks, and offered to take some of the mundane clerical duties off her hands (e.g., cataloguing extracurricular activities, then estimating and counting up the typical hours per week dedicated to each in the format requested for each college). We also dragged her along on college visits when going to and from her sister’s school, and helped draft and critique her list.</p>
<p>Even at that, D2 still required prodding from time to time but she got it done. She wound up at her highest reach school, which would have never happened if she’d been left to her own tendency of avoidance. After the final decision was in, she reflected and noted with some surprise that it really hadn’t been that bad after all. She’s wrapping up her freshman year now and is having a great experience.</p>
<p>One last thought, if you haven’t ventured past the NE, have him look at Oberlin, Lawrence (in Wisconsin) and St. Olaf (in Minnesota). All have strong music + decent math programs I do believe.</p>
<p>jsmom - Your son is probably much more intuitive than you give him credit for. I am a parent who went through college search with my daughter last year, and I must admit, power point presentations and tour guides were very strong indicators (for me, not my daughter) of the quality and integrity of the school. I have sat through presentations so phony, and so obviously misleading, that I had to muster the strenght to stay until the end. So obviously your son is not taken by the superficial aspect of college tours.</p>
<p>Your son is farther along than lots of other HS juniors. Our next door neighbor hasn’t visited any schools with her son, he hasn’t yet taken the SATs, and they have no idea what’s a reasonable match for him.</p>
<p>And with a 2280, your son will do very well.</p>
<p>Rather than worrying now about the complete list and the big picture, you could help him find an admission/financial safety or two. Once the family and the kid agree on the admission/financial safety, the stress goes down for everyone. By the way, if by any chance he is a singer, definitely look at St. Olaf’s!</p>
<p>(For an auditioning music kid, you do need to carefully watch timing. One of my daughter’s friends was admitted by audition to a very competitive musical theater program at a large state school. Her stats were certainly above the school’s range but you know what happened? She was rejected by the college. She had applied before the “deadline” but the school was “full” - she had thought admission to the school itself was something she didn’t need to worry about and focused on preparing for the musical audition. Sorry, didn’t mean to give you something else to worry about.)</p>
<p>I think your son’s attitude is fairly typical of guys. It seems like they tend to be a bit more laid back when it comes to the college thing. My son, too, was very laid back about it. We really didn’t start visiting schools until he had already applied. Every school we went to he said was “ok.” Didn’t really show any enthusiasm for one over another. Finally he picked a school for the weather factor and then transferred 2 1/2 years later.</p>
<p>Carnegie Mellon sounds like a great fit for your son–</p>
<p>My daughter showed minimal interest in the college search process.</p>
<p>We did make one trip and visited two colleges the spring of her junior year. Her reaction to these two schools made it clear what kind of school she was looking for (in her case, a state flagship type of school).</p>
<p>I was quite firm in insisting that the college list and essay be done by the end of August. She applied to all of her schools early action. </p>
<p>When it started sinking in (in October of senior year) that she needed to really find a school to love, we took a last minute trip (over Veterans Day) to two schools to which she had already applied. Fortunately, she felt one was just the right fit, so when her acceptance came in December, we breathed a big sigh of relief – and she never really did seriously consider the other schools to which she applied.</p>
<p>I was thnking CM, too.</p>
<p>You don’t say what part of the country you are in/looking at, but Case Western in Cleveland comes to mind.</p>
<p>I was the same way as your son. I didn’t want to think about it until I had to. I ended up finalizing my list of colleges the week before Christmas break and telling my school to send last minute transcripts to one school literally the last day they could before January first. I did that schools application on the last day because I still couldn’t decide if I even wanted to apply and that is the school I’m attending next year. I decided in the end its better to apply to the schools that would be a match academically for what I wanted and do the actual visiting and deciding once I found out if I even got in. So I don’t think its that big of a problem if he’s not interested in visiting colleges yet. It’s more important that he looks for schools that have the academics he’s looking for and from there he can visit schools that fit the primary criteria.</p>
<p>My son was a pain in the butt. He moaned that every school is exactly the same, you can’t learn anything from any of the presentations, they’re all the same, blah blah blah. Except for ONE school, which he totally loved. The minute he set foot on this campus, he was entering a magical fairyland, of which he could not get enough. Long story short, he got in and he’s going next year–thank GOD. But I hear your pain!!!</p>
<p>Sounds like my son. We’ve looked at a couple just because they are where his older sibs went, and one of them would probably suit him…but if left to his own devices, he would probably just do a 13th year of high school! :D</p>
<p>Fortunately he’s cooperative; it’s not like he’s dug his heels in and said he doesn’t want to look…but I get the feeling he doesn’t really want to look.</p>
<p>And I mentioned app essays–he was shocked, shocked to learn about some of the potential topics. Why, a person might have to do some deep thinking. And this is a kid who’s aced the DBQs on his history courses. He can think, allright…about anything but himself & his future.</p>
<p>My kids didn’t do essays until the week or two before the applications were done, and got into great schools. </p>
<p>My son tended to act resistant, as if I was nagging, when I tried to interest him in visiting colleges late in junior and early in senior year. I told him that it was fine with me if he didn’t go at all, at least for the next year, and that he could get a job and work.</p>
<p>I said, on the other hand, if he wanted to go, he had better start researching and figuring out where and when he wanted to go for visits. I said that I would check my schedule and see if I could take him at those times.</p>
<p>When I came home an hour later, he had done all kinds of research and had made a color-coded chart for visits!</p>
<p>Won’t work for all, but at least for some.</p>
<p>He tended to like schools where the tour guide was compatible. He also really liked on school because his friend, who was going there, had keys to the theater. His criteria were not terribly insightful, but he ended up making a great choice and is graduating next week!</p>
<p>Our daughter is very psychically in tune and she skipped all the tours and powerpoints, in favor of driving to a campus, getting out, maybe walking a few minutes, and getting the vibe.</p>
<p>Every process is flawed, but in the end, it works out.</p>
<p>Of course, another way it can work out is for the son or daughter to work, or take a gap year, or whatever, until interest level is sufficient to merit the cost!</p>
<p>Thank you I feel MUCH better. A lot of the schools mentioned are schools he is considering. We visited CMU twice as his sister is in Pittsburgh. We did the tour the first time and he seemed really excited about it; second time not so much. His sister would love to have him at CMU. Oberlin and Case Western are definitely schools that I too feel he should consider. When he gave me a list of schools he was interested in - it was 30 schools! Since then he is realizing he may not want to be further than a few hour plane ride from home (so eliminating West Coast schools) so that narrows the list a bit. I have arranged ALL our college visits mostly seeing schools he expressed an interest. Maybe I’ll tell him some time that I have open in the summer and tell him to let me know where he wants to go - maybe that would help. Thanks again for all the above posts!</p>
<p>My son is in the same mood, and is also a musician. At least he has finally lost the “deer in the headlights” look when the subject of college is mentioned. Also, with a difficult load of honors and AP classes, his grades are dipping this semester. It almost feels like he is sabotaging himself on purpose. He’s picked a couple of state schools for safeties but is otherwise unrealistic about his choices (“I guess Pomona would be OK.”) I haven’t been able to get him interested in visiting campuses (“They are all the same.”) but hope to this summer.</p>