Junior Son has no interest in college search

<p>I think my son has the numbers and better than average ECs but he shows no interest in college search or application process.</p>

<p>We visited one college so far and he does not want to do it anymore.
Only 2 weeks left in his junior year but he did not ask for letters of recommendation.
Is he too laid back? Is he too lazy? What is it?</p>

<p>We don’t mind him going to a state school but we at least want him to try for some top colleges.</p>

<p>We are involved parents but we are not controlling parents.
We want him to figure things out by himself but we can see the time is running out.</p>

<p>It is so frustrating.</p>

<p>My son wasn’t too keen on the college search either when he was a junior. However, once I arranged a few visits to some really cool looking schools and had him sit in on some fun classes, he got more interested.</p>

<p>You mentioned that you went to one college visit. Was it an interesting college with cool things to do and cool dining venues? (seriously, kids get inspired by the non-academic things as well). My son was the Val, NMF, top scores kid, but really was interested in how good the food was and how nice the rec center was at various places…LOL</p>

<p>Keep in mind that if this continues, there’s no point in having him apply to some top schools because he won’t likely put the effort into the essays.</p>

<p>What does HE want? What is his likely major? IF he doesn’t know, what are his best subjects?</p>

<p>BTW…can you afford to send him to any college?</p>

<p>Been there, done that. The reality of going to college doesn’t kick in for many kids (esp. boys) until the beginning of senior year. Once the kids start back in the fall, it will be pretty much the * only* topic of conversation for many months to come. My son didn’t get overly interested until the fall. He didn’t ask for teacher recommendation until then either and he did fine. He had several ‘top of the class’ friends who only applied to the state university and maybe one other school and then they were done. They knew the state school is where they wanted to be and didn’t see a need to apply elsewhere even though they could have gone to a ‘top college’.</p>

<p>My son did not enjoy college visits. We forced him to visit many of the schools he applied to and his response was always “they all seem alike.” A few schools dropped off of his list after a visit but for the most part, it didn’t seem to sway his opinion whether to apply or not. </p>

<p>The top student in my son’s class didn’t even visit the 2 Ivies and 1 top ten he got into until after he was accepted. Then he did a whirlwind trip up there and made his decision a few days before May 1st.</p>

<p>My son’s class seems to be evenly split between those who only applies to a few schools (obviously one or more was a sure bet) and those who applied all over the board (like my son). Everyone seems happy with their results for the most part, so if I had a kid who only wanted to apply to a few places, I would have been fine with it. It’s a stressful and time-consuming process. I envy those parents who kids knew up front where they wanted to go and only did a few applications.</p>

<p>I guess my point is - don’t worry too much about it now. You have a long way to go and the mind-set of the kids will change dramatically by the time school starts in the fall and even if he never gets into the college visit thing and doesn’t want to apply to a lot of colleges, he will still do fine.</p>

<p>I clicked on your past posts and see that he has SAT Subject scores in the 99th percentile - obviously a talented student. It might increase the frustration level to see such a bright kid unwilling to get moving on the college front, but that does happen. At the very least, I’d require him to ask for those recommendations before the academic year ends. If he becomes more interested in the college search next fall, when his friends are fully engaged in it, it could be too late then to secure recs that can make a major difference in his results. Some teachers won’t write more than a set number, and some won’t write them past a certain deadline. </p>

<p>If you search the Parents Forum for this topic, you’ll find several threads. You’re not alone!</p>

<p>We asked him few times but he does not know what he wants to study yet. Or, he does not want to think about it. </p>

<p>It could be a financial stretch but we could manage a private college education.</p>

<p>“Keep in mind that if this continues, there’s no point in having him apply to some top schools because he won’t likely put the effort into the essays.”
Yes! That is exactly what we are afraid of. </p>

<p>My son will be a NMS, over 2300 SAT, 800-800-780 SAT2s, 3.97UW GPA from the most rigorous classes but those are just numbers. </p>

<p>Sigh!</p>

<p>Should we just pack up and visit colleges when his finals are over?
What about recommendation letters?</p>

<p>If this were one of mine, I’d certainly do the research on your flagship and nearby privates and have a mental list. Sometimes kids just aren’t ready to think about college until the fall of senior year when other students start the process of applications and the high school guidance counselors start urging. Our GCs want the kids done with apps by end of October or in a worse case scenario a solid list and a start to the apps. Our flagship requires early apps because of the competitiveness of the uni. Make sure he’s taken all the requisite classes and standardized tests he needs. </p>

<p>Mom2 is correct that the “priorities” of the kids quite often aren’t parralel to the priorities of the parents. Perhaps you can gently see if he’s interested in seeing any college at the very end of August after the college kids are back on campus. If he’s a big school/big sport fan go to a football game and take a tour, if he has a special interest see if there’s a school that is particularly interesting and arrange a visit with the appropriate person. I think it’s best to spend time talking and listening to the kids about themselves and try to pick up on the unspoken information. The vast majority of students, from the strong B kids to the very tippy top students do not venture that far from home. The kids that venture far, far from home - both strong Bs and tippy top - are in the minority and are often driven by very compelling reasons that they are very capable of articulating even if not articulated by reference to academic excellence. It could be weather, regional preferences, a particular sport activity etc. Use the summer to listen (and talk when appropriate.)</p>

<p>While I encouraged both my kids to line up recommendation letters spring junior year, I think all their teachers said to ask them again in the early fall. </p>

<p>My oldest hated college visits, but was a top student like yours. He’s a math guy and his essays were adequate, but not earth-shaking. He got into some great schools and got rejected by some great schools. Younger son with less good stats, understood the game much better and got into stronger schools than his stats would have suggested. With great scores and great grades your son will have plenty of schools to choose from. </p>

<p>I agree that everybody gets more focused on colleges senior year. I would try to get a least a couple of visits in to cover the big/small, urban/rural/suburban question. I would not schedule visits for the summer though - colleges with no students won’t get him excited about them.</p>

<p>I cross posted, you are in a very fortunate position with your son’s wonderful scores as you most likely will not have to worry as much as the B+ parents about acceptances. Do not feel badly if your son doesn’t go for the brass ring there are exceptional kids at all sorts of colleges. I just read the senior scholar profiles for our regional school systems and it was literally all over the place from the local uni to the Ivy league a thousand miles away, MIT and CalTech, state flagships in our state and neighboring states, from the regional “church affiliated” colleges, a couple academy appointments, to one that is going to cosmetology school and one heading somewhere I had never heard of even after years on CC and even one that is not going to college this fall but taking a year off to “explore options.” And these are the best and the brightest in our area. Stick around, ask questions and let us know what happens in the fall.</p>

<p>I had to register for his SAT and SAT2 tests.
We trusted him once to sign up for SAT but he missed the deadline.</p>

<p>It is funny how things work.
Now, we have the numbers we get frustrated more.</p>

<p>My junior son, who also has high stats, did not want anything to do with college discussions. Over spring break, I set up a meeting for him with the Honors Program director at our state U. He was impressed and would like to attend. Whew, that was progress. A new problem arose - he had locked onto that school and felt that since his decision was made that the subject should be closed. I tried bringing up other options, but he had an excuse for each one “that one is in an earthquake zone, that one comes across as too global,etc.”</p>

<p>Because I am a CC junkie, I had to learn to not share all my new info with him. Fast forward 2 months. I told him that I was not going to stop talking about colleges until we agreed on a process. He agreed to the following: Mom picks 2, Dad picks 2 and junior picks at least 2. One we got that far he shocked me by suggesting teachers to ask for recommendations.</p>

<p>For my older son, all I had to do is offer to buy him a tee shirt from each visit and he was packed and ready to go!</p>

<p>One suggestion I have is to have him talk to some slightly older kids - those who have just come home from their first year of college or those whp are graduating from high school and to solicit their advice about the process. Boys are notoriously hard to get started. I know many senior boys who when asked what is the number one piece of advice they would give to 10th and 11th graders - they all say to start the process earlier and get more focused on it before senior year. Maybe hearing some advice from peers would be effective - does he have friends who are hs seniors or who are in college that could “mentor” him?</p>

<p>I’m sure there’s a “cure” for every kid … I just don’t know that there’s a “one size fits all.” Here’s what I would recommend. Get a series of suggested start dates from your S’s GC. (These tend to be very conservative.) Make up a LARGE horizontal bar chart, with LARGE hollow bars … something you can put on a wall. When a suggested date passes without action, start filling it in with RED. </p>

<p>Yes, nagging works too … but it sets a terrible example of what he might expect marriage to be like.</p>

<p>My D didn’t get the college bug until the summer after junior year, so that is possible. However, you’re getting your first taste of the new reality: He may or may not have any desire to go in the direction you’ve been envisioning all these years, and the further down the road you get, the more your wishes must yield to his. Talented as he is, if he’s not all that interested in “top colleges,” then you’re going to have to let it go. Easier said than done, as I’m still learning.</p>

<p>With two weeks left to go in his junior year, he’s probably just thinking about finals. That’s a very intense time in most households!</p>

<p>I am a junior in high school and I’ve been very involved in college searching lately. As far as I’ve been able to tell, little of what I’ve done this year couldn’t be put off to next fall. The only critical part of college applications that should be done during junior year is standardized testing which your son has done, apparently.
At my school, I’ve never heard of recommendation letters being written during junior year. This is probably because recommendation letters are often influenced by the school the student is applying to and because regular decision applications are due on January 1. That leaves the entire first half of the school year open for doing all these college things. It’s possible your son will have a teacher next year that he’d like writing the letter.
Also, it’s not necessary to visit schools (especially nowadays) before applying. There are so many resources online to help in picking schools. Once your son has applied, you can leisurely visit the schools he applied to.
Don’t stress too much about this. In the fall push will come to shove and he will do the work. Good luck to him! This is an important time for us rising Seniors :)</p>

<p>Mom of three sons here, too. The way to reach your son will depend on what kind of kid he is - sensitive to peers? Intensely focused on his passion? Home-loving or outgoing? Find that crack in the armor and work on it, but don’t make it a summer of pushing while he withdraws. Look for his responses, though they may be faint. He needs your help more than he realizes, but can’t accept it in large doses. </p>

<p>I would strongly advise against the long, multi-college visit trip for a boy like yours. Start with your top local university, check out the honors program and maybe the sports teams or whatever. That may one of your fallbacks; you can use it as a baseline to measure other schools against. If you have summer vacation plans, plan something you’ve always wanted to do and include a college or two of interest at the beginning - maybe just a tour or an interview. IMO, it’s better to use one or two long weekends during senior year for short visits, especially to smaller schools that will have zero activity during the summer (or worse, a camp full of youngsters!) Don’t push. Get him involved by doing things together. Sometimes, it’s the lack of familiarity that makes them stop their forward progress. Let him be involved as to what area of the country to look in, or what type of school. Have him plan the visite, so that he looks at maps and schedules on the college website. </p>

<p>He doesn’t sound overly sensitive to his environment, and this can allow you to focus on the best combination of programs in his major, overall fit, cost and chance of scholarships, distance from home, etc. Believe me, this is much easier than the kid who has to check out the dorm bathrooms and taste the food. He sounds like an amazingly intelligent kid, just one not quite ready to fly the nest yet. You will see some significant changes in his senior year; give it time.</p>

<p>My S is not too interested in looking at schools right now either, although about 2 months ago he did start expressing some ideas about the type of school. We started last year and continue to visit schools as we can fit them in. We will be making a road trip this summer to visit some more . Becasue my S is sports inclined we try (during the school) year to combine the tour and admissions talk with a bball or football game. Can’t do that during the summer, but we will make sure the road trip isn’t all about college, throw some other interesting things in there. </p>

<p>So drag him along and try to bring him to a variety of colleges. Maybe something will be of interest to him.</p>

<p>I would say utterly normal. Both his attitude and your frustration. And with guys, it doesn’t end when they go to college. My S is completing his junior year at a very competitive college and has no idea of what he wants to do. He pursued a wonderful but not very practical major, and now I must be hands off. Yuck!</p>

<p>He says not to worry. He has some ideas. Can I know them? No. Some vague idea of the Peace Corps. I did research and told him what he’d have to do and that he has to apply a year in advance and got ordered off the site.</p>

<p>So…hm. Yup. Same old, same old.</p>

<p>But your kid has such good stats that he will be accepted at a fine university or LAC. However, the laid back attitude might just continue. </p>

<p>But don’t worry. These guys end up running the world.</p>

<p>My very focused daughter works very hard to achieve the same results my son does with much less effort, and she is just as bright.</p>

<p>uslanderc - Thank you for your post … and in no way do I intend the following to be critical of you or your post. That said …</p>

<p>My D would not have attended her preferred college had she followed your schedule. The list of Early<em>Action/Early</em>Decision colleges was due October 1 … deadlines for submission of scholarship applications were December 1 and December 15. And the school had a zero-tolerance policy for school absence for visiting colleges during Senior year. </p>

<p>You are entirely correct that recommendation letters are usually written during the Senior Year. And yes, the recommendation letters are often influenced by the school the student is applying to. But if it turns out the student decides at Thanksgiving that s/he wants to attend a school with competitive admissions … that’s going to be a LOT harder to do than if the decision was made six months earlier. (The last time I checked Bucknell’s stats for example, they enrolled half of Early applicants and a tenth of Regular applicants.)</p>

<p>uslanderc,
The recommendation letter comments are not about getting the letters done now, it’s about securing a teacher to write the rec’s. As another poster mentioned some teachers can/will opt to only write so many letters of recommendation.</p>

<p>Also, unless you have been through this process, it might not be a good idea to give advice. If YOU would like some advice however, we parents are happy to give it!</p>

<p>To the OP - I didn’t really give my kids an opt out for the first few visits and they were fairly painless. I tried to pick colleges that I thought would fit and invited a friend and their parent to join us. Having company really did help and made it more of a road trip. I’m a big believer in college visits to find the right fit.</p>