<p>I am in a crisis of sorts, have worked my butt off all my high school life, am the ultimate overacheiver admittedly. I got into Yale EA and have received some encouragment from Brown and Stanford. Please don't ask because I know I will get pms about this, but suffice to say I have been contacted and its my feeling I will get into both. Harvard is MY dreamschool. I wait to see if I will be one of the lucky ones. I have been contacted for an interview and they did call my advisor to ask her about a few things not clear on my record. My parents however DREAM of me going to YALE. My dad went there and he is beside himself just thinking I may go elsewhere, much less to his rival Harvard! The thing is this is my life and I want to be happy with my choice, Yale is a phenomenal school but I love Boston and after visiting Harvard, everything about it felt right. </p>
<p>IF I don't get in there, then my close second is Stanford, I LOVE Cali!! We have relatives there and just the whole intellectual/hippie vibe really appeals to me in a BIG way. If I don't get into those then Yale becomes a real likely choice. But I really believe I will get into at least one of the above if not 2. Any ideas or would you like to weigh in on how much "say" you think a parent should have in these decisions? I welcome and respect anyones opinion and maybe just need to hear a totally objective one other than my close knit circle of family and friends. Thanks!!!!!!!!!</p>
<p>I think, all else being equal as regards what your parents can afford etc, that it is important for your parents to remember this is your college experience and future. I asked my D to look at a couple of additional schools but ultimately it was her choice (within parameters of what we could afford). Have you explained to you parents how important the choice is to you? </p>
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Yale is a phenomenal school but I love Boston and after visiting Harvard, everything about it felt right
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<p>your statement above would be a good opener to the discussion. Good luck.</p>
<p>Hi oh yes believe me they know how I feel. Its just that my dad went there, and just feels like we are crazy to not go. He is such a rah rah kind of guy and just can't seem to understand there is life beyond Yale. I mean I know its an amazing school but you go to some schools and it just feels "right". He tells me I "will snap out of it", but I don't think I will. I just hope that as these next 8 weeks unfold he is willing to keep an open mind and understand that this is my decision.</p>
<p>I've never understood a parent's push for their kid to attend the parent's alma mater. My opinion is that they should let you go to any of the schools you indicated (assuming relative and overall cost isn't an issue) since they're all top schools. I doubt there are a whole lot of Yale grads who really think Harvard or Stanford are awful schools and vice-versa. If the parents are footing a hefty bill, then I suppose they could hold that over you if that's what they really want but it's ill-advised. I agree with swimcat in making sure you discuss this at a serious level with your parents and make sure they understand how important this is to you. Emphasize to your dad that in his time he made the decision to go to Yale but now it's your time and you should be permitted to choose what appeals to you (again - assuming money isn't a factor, if it is - the situation changes).</p>
<p>Just to clarify, no money is not the issue here. It is purely him feeling like i am being "disloyal" to a school which he attended and is still very loyal to.</p>
<p>While I may disagree with your father, how important his opinion "should" be is pretty much irrelevant. This is a decision that must be made by you and your parents, and no one else. </p>
<p>That being said, sit down with your father and talk about it. Tell him what it is about Harvard that you like. Talk about the differences between Boston and New Haven. Talk about the impact that having to travel to California will have on your experiences, the number of times you can come home, etc. If you approach it like an adult, perhaps he will too.</p>
<p>How do you know I haven't approached it like an adult? Believe me I have, but he is just very hardheaded, he is a very active Yalie alum and really just thinks the world of the school. In many aspects he is right, its an outstanding school, most peoples dream but WHERE the school is, is very important to me and I love Boston, its such a great city, plus when spending the day at Harvard, I just saw myself going there, ditto with Stanford. I loved it there as well but know its not as practical being in Cali. I didn't click with Yale, my mom has accepted my decision but he is having a tough time. I just really don't talk about it right now and will wait until I get the decision. I have to think that when that time comes if I get in and choose Harvard, he will ultimately have no choice but to accept it and if he loves me which i know he does will support my choice.</p>
<p>I wonder if your FA sees your dislike of Yale as a rebellious statement against him. Obviously, he turly liked Yale and his built long lasting connections with alumni. I don't know your FA's character--if he is controlling or so pleased with his path that he wants the same for you.</p>
<p>To boost your argument, take a look at courses in your field(s) of interest, and compare.</p>
<p>Having your mom work with him may be helpful. I know when I was at home, one or the other parent would step in to keep the peace more than once. Now, with my husband, I find us doing the same.</p>
<p>My question is this - how far does this go What will happen if you decide you want Harvard? Is he threatening not to pay? Has he "forbidden" you? Or is he just pressuring you? If it's just pressure, to be honest, he may not even realize how much he's pressuring you.</p>
<p>Regardless, you need to have a sit-down with both parents. If you speak to your om ahead of time, you may be able to enlist her support, but don't rely on her to make your points. Good luck!</p>
<p>Edit: Another tip - I would put aside this entire discussion until you know you admissions results for sure. Next time it comes up, just say, "I really like Harvard, but let's just wait and see what the admissions offers say. Then we'll talk about it." No need to be arguing for more months than you need, and despite what we often think, you never know what admissions will say. The choice may be taken out of your hands.</p>
<p>What really matters is, will dad pay for your choice if it is other than Yale? If so, do what you want to do. He'll be disappointed, but will have a long time to get over it.</p>
<p>I have a suggestion, but I think you should wait on it until you know what your choices are. Here it is:
New Haven has a reputation of a pretty serious crime rate. Definitely not as safe a community as Cambridge or Palo Alto. </p>
<p>I think you should spend some time quietly researching and pulling crime stats & maybe local newspaper reports.</p>
<p>Then, if it comes down to it, you can start a conversation with something like, "Dad, I'm wondering if New Haven has changed a lot since when you were there?" and then bring up some of the crime stats. You want to get across the message that his little girl might be at great risk for being mugged or raped or kidnapped or killed in New Haven, and would be much safer when out at night, or even mid-day, in one of the other choices. You can also try to get your mom on the safety bandwagon.</p>
<p>Your dad's pride in his alma mater might give way to his protective instincts if you play your cards right.</p>
<p>It's a nice idea, except that crime was much worse in New Haven in the 70s (when my best friend was at Yale and was held up at gunpoint on the edge of campus) than it is now. So a lot depends on when the OP's dad was there...</p>
<p>gg, if Harvard is your #1 dream and Stanford #2, then why did you apply EA to Yale? You seem to be giving your parents (father) a mixed message here or at least exporting the problem to the future. It's time for you to explain your preference to your parents, black and white. Then sit tight and see what happens in March/April.</p>
<p>You won't be the first child who eschews his/her parent's almamater. Tough situation to deal with yes, but ultimately everyone lives happily ever after.</p>
<p>She applied EA to Yale because it was her safety. Many iveies feel - use it or lose it when it comes to EA for legacy. It was a smart move on her part. I am a parent. I think you should stand your ground on where you want to go. It sounds like your father is very strong minded and he will try to have a say about what you do for the rest of your life. You might as well stand up to him now. I don't think he would refuse to pay for you to go to Harvard or Stanford if you are lucky enough to get in (I think as long as he understands that you are doing it for a good reason). It is always interesting to me when advise is given about speaking to your parents as an adult when most of the time when parents can be more childish than kids, as in this instance of insisting your kid to go to your alma mater.</p>
<p>hi all and thanks for your kind and well intended words, I really liked your advice calmom because frankly the crime issue is a factor and while its gotten better, its still a pretty shady place at night especially, not a Cambridge type place where you can freely hang out and walk around, without looking over your shoulder. Momrath, i applied to Yale partly because of my Dad and as Oldfort said, because I had a strong hunch I would get in and figured its about as good of a backup as can exist. I mean Yale as a safety?...............how crazy is that?</p>
<p>DT...NO AM NOT out of touch with the real world, having spent my summer in New Orleans doing 8 straight weeks of volunteer work and tutoring in an inner city three nights a week, I pride myself to the contrary to some, of being very much in touch with the real world and plan on keeping it that way.</p>
<p>For anyone who cares I have made a personal pledge to just zip up my mouth until we know whats going on, no my dad hasnt' come out and said he won't pay but likes to imply it.</p>
<p>I would not take the position your father has, but I think I am more sympathetic to it than many people here.</p>
<p>Harvard seemed cooler during your daytrip? No kidding! Cambridge is one of the coolest places on earth, especially if you like urban environments. My kid responded exactly the same way -- it was like he was floating three feet off the ground.</p>
<p>Many rational people prefer Yale to Harvard, and approximately none of them prefer New Haven to Cambridge. The differences between the schools -- and the similarities between them are greater -- are more subtle, and can't really be experienced in a visit of a few hours. Your father may be going overboard, but you really haven't given him a reason to think you are approaching this thoughtfully.</p>
<p>Same with Stanford vs. Yale. You like that Cali hippie vibe? Give me a break! Stanford is not very Cali hippieish. Plus, the atmosphere at Stanford is about 180 degrees from Harvard, so your preference order on the basis of vibe seems weird. </p>
<p>In other words, you are sounding superficial to me. (Which, of course, may mean that you really are a natural Harvard type.)</p>
<p>Danger in New Haven = really bad argument to use on someone who knows and loves Yale. It's just not true enough.</p>
<p>"I want to forge my own path. I don't want to compare myself to you all the time." = argument that might work.</p>
<p>For the life of me, I cannot understand your father's attitude. </p>
<p>He sounds like 1957 not 2007. And I have a degree from YALE. But I can't imagine pressuring my D that way. </p>
<p>IMHO, he should be ELATED that you're in a position to choose among the world's best universities, and that should be the end of the story. I'd like to give him a good talking to! </p>
<p>Your personal pledge to wait until all of the information is in is wise. And JHS's remark about "I want to forge my own path. I don't want to compare myself to you all the time" is something a caring father *ought *to understand. But OMG, your strong feeling when you're at Harvard is something you should obey, if circumstances permit. </p>
<p>"I want to forge my own path. I don't want to compare myself to you all the time." = argument that might work.</p>
<p>Been there, done that, used that line.</p>
<p>In other words, you are sounding superficial to me. (Which, of course, may mean that you really are a natural Harvard type.)</p>
<p>Gee thanks, you are friendly! NO i am not superficial by any stretch nor do I view the students at Harvard as a whole as being such...what superficial about liking Cambridge? I sat in on classes spent two days at Harvard and LOVED it. I also spent two days at Yale and just didn't get that same high, so hang me.</p>
<p>Same with Stanford vs. Yale. You like that Cali hippie vibe? Give me a break! Stanford is not very Cali hippieish. Plus, the atmosphere at Stanford is about 180 degrees from Harvard, so your preference order on the basis of vibe seems weird. </p>
<p>My personal favorite of all your kind remarks, TO ME Stanford yes does have that intellectual/laid back hippie vibe. For the record not that I have to defend myself my cousin is in her senior year there so I get all my info on Stanford FIRST HAND! We had a family weddnig so I got to spend 4 days off and on with her on campus and loved it. Of course Stanford and Harvard are different, but I like them BOTH for different reasons. I loved the people, the campus, my personal field of interest is strong in both schools and the surrounding areas were great...........call me what you will, I feel lucky to have the choices I do! I almost sensed a little resentment in your tone.</p>
<p>Marsden, thanks for your words of wisdom. Part of this I think is because he is pretty active as an alum, he has probably mentioned this to everyone that his daughter is following in his footsteps, it sounds rediculous but as someone also said adults can act more like kids than kids themselves! I am holding off debating with him for awhile, until I know what the bottom line is with my choices. He has scheduled for me to meet with someone from Yale in a few weeks and I continue to keep an open mind but the time I have spent in both schools really and accurately afforded me a fair chance to evaluate each school and for me the answer was as glaring as the light from a bulb.</p>