<p>My daughter got the Marine music award, too. Her friends were practically rolling in the aisles laughing because they knew that a career in the service is the last thing she would ever want – even if that career involved playing a musical instrument, which is something she does enjoy.</p>
<p>Watching your kid be embarrassed up on the stage is quite entertaining.</p>
<p>My d got the Marine academic award and we were all bemused too. At that point she wasn’t a US citizen. However, the officer awarding it was cute!</p>
<p>Maybe milestone rituals are lost on some youngsters and even adults. Birth, graduations, marriage, death etc all need a “cross-over” moment. They are transitions from one state to another and as such we have ceremonies to honor them.
Most people are happier having attended a milestone event (even though they initially didn’t want to go) than having avoided the event. They provide a “closure” of sorts.</p>
<p>To OP–your son needs to go to at least the awards ceremony and the final graduation ceremony. He may have disliked the students around him (heaven knows, he’s not alone!) but time changes a lot. The awards ceremony validates his high school record and shows him other people have valued his efforts. Graduation is a closure to a huge part of his life that should not be written off lightly.
and if he doesn’t do it for himself, he should do it for you.</p>
<p>My D is all about the ceremonies. I just sent a check for “honor chords” today. Their class decided that students would buy theri own instead of the school so that they could use the saved money for a larger venue off campus - yeah! 6 free tickets so all who want to can attend.</p>
<p>My daughter is on the spectrum, and for her to be the center of attention can really be quite excruciating. I didn’t blame her for not wanting to attend the awards ceremony, but as none of her grandparents attended graduation ( although they were in town), knowing that she was getting recognition in the program might have encouraged them to attend.
I guess they also felt “everyone graduates from high school”.</p>
<p>( although I didn’t- I took my GED instead)</p>
<p>oh I can beat the Marine music award hands down. At my awards ceremony in the mid 70’s I was awarded the Betty Crocker Award. Talk about humiliation. I don’t even remember if I received any other award. LOL</p>
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<p>Off topic, but hah, my D received a citizenship award in 5th grade, at which time she wasn’t a US citizen either. (In fact - recollection of dates is a bit hazy - she was probably still on nonimmigrant status - not even a PR). We did find it amusing. Other things along the way, like the 6th grade social studies teacher who assured the class that only US citizens pay taxes, were less amusing.</p>
<p>I think these “milestone” celebrations are important to some and not at all important to others. Depending on the circumstances sometimes it’s just best to respect a family member’s wishes. I came from a family where these things are simply not important and you play it by ear depending on the what it is and the various feelings. Not witnessing someone walk across a stage on a hot day and grab what generally is an empty folder (the diplomas come in the mail at a later day) doesn’t mean that the entire experience of high school or college didn’t happen…it just means you didn’t watch the person walk across the stage on a hot day. That said for some people this is infinitely psychologically important…like the first lost baby tooth, the heel print from the hospital, the kindergarten diploma, the corsage from the first dance and all those things…if that is your mother or your father or your sibling or your child then I think you go as a courtesy to that person who genuinely cares about those things.</p>
<p>In our family, only a few went to their college graduations or any festivities related to them. HS graduations in HI are a much bigger deal & you can barely see the graduates at most of them because they are covered with garlands of flowers & gifts. We wanted our kids to attend their college graduations & they were happy to participate as most of their friends & their families did. HS graduations we didn’t care nearly as much about one way or another. Everyone’s so different.</p>
<p>Look, walking across stage to shake a hand and receive an empty folder is not a big deal. But the communal activity is important. At graduation you celebrate with your child and his/her friends and their PARENTS. Despite the painful length of the ceremony and the brevity of your child’s actual stage time, it’s still a nice afternoon, seeing people you know, all going through the same rite of passage at the same time. Suppose only half the people showed up? </p>
<p>I had one child who sort of checked out senior year, not turning in bio/photo items for various presentations & slide shows that other people worked very hard on to enhance a couple of events. I was annoyed when he was left out, and even more annoyed when I learned it was his fault. And I still don’t know why he did this.</p>
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<p>Read up above in the thread to see a few of the reasons why kids finishing up high school could be doing everything they can to get high school out of their mind.</p>
<p>Heck, I was in Yearbook and I don’t think I even bought a yearbook my senior year.</p>
<p>Just getting back to this thread–thanks for your replies (well, thanks for the ones that were “on topic,” at least 
)
I’m fine skipping the actual graduation (downtown, parking is hassle. My HS ceremony, back in the day, was boring–awards had been given at class day, so just names and a couple not-at-all-memorable speeches. . .)
I think I can persuade S to go to the awards. Sometimes if he is “forced” to do something “unnecessary” (he doesn’t put up much of a fight, he doesn’t care that much one way or the other), it turns out to be “not so bad” after all. I’m not overly sentimental, but I think it’s good to have a sense of closure–even if S didn’t have close friends–just say goodbye to comrades and fellow travelers and wish them well. Or just be a face in the crowd and a part of the experience. It makes me sad that he doesn’t want to “be a part of it.”
BTW, I understand how he feels awkward in these social situations–I am not at all an extrovert. (S has a communication disorder.) I made him go to another awards ceremony earlier in the year, and it was fine. My argument was that if the school went through the effort and expense to put on this event for this small group of students (with food, music, teachers, administrators, parents) it would be rude not to show up. (Although he had to give a little speech, which he didn’t know about and was unprepared for, he managed OK.) Yearbooks are picked up and signed at the picnic. I ordered one for S. I told him–go there, get the book, eat the food–it’s already been paid for. If no one signs the book, that’s his business.</p>
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<p>This line stood out to me, as I had just read the post about the S who refused to participate with the bio/photo thing. I did that in middle school… I was supposed to bring in a baby picture for a slide show that would show all the students baby pictures with pictures of them from around school, to be distributed on VHS at the 8th grade graduation. I refused to bring in a photo because any time attention was on me in school I was teased relentlessly and I didn’t want to give them the opportunity. The teachers were FURIOUS with me and I missed recess for a week because I refused to bring them the picture. They ended up sneaking me into the video anyway by utilizing group shots to go with my friends’ baby pictures, which also just so happened to include me. Looking back I understand they were just trying to treat me like all the other kids and include me, so I could “be a part of it.” But I had accepted as a kindergartner that I was NOT “a part of it” and was never going to BE “a part of it” whether I wanted to be or not… and being forced to pretend was hurtful. </p>
<p>As an adult now I don’t take quite the same attitude about these kinds of things, but as a kid these sorts of group activities were incredibly difficult for me. Not participating and “accepting” my separation was the easiest way to cope. This was something that, to a lesser degree, I still struggled with in college. Being the loner kid is not easy. Ever heard someone refer to being lonely in a crowded room? I skipped my senior party as a high school senior because events like that were the lonliest thing in the world.</p>
<p>I bought yearbooks for my kids all the years they were in HS. They are young and do not see the long view…that some day they will want to look back on all this and laugh. ;)</p>
<p>Yes, laugh–though we (late 70s/early 80s) had much funnier hairstyles and clothes than they do now. Even funnier that we thought those styles looked “cool” or at least “normal” back then. Our kids get a kick out of our old yearbooks–H was a white guy with a fro</p>
<p>I think all the “have to’s” and “shoulds” among the comments are out of place. Whether the OP’s son attends anything or not is no reflection on his character (or how well he was brought up). Few parents would feel happy and gratified at an event where their kid feels genuinely uncomfortable and isolated. Maybe the young man doesn’t need “closure” but just wants to leave. Will he regret it later? Who knows? but on the scale of life regrets, missing HS graduation is not overwhelming.
Full disclosure - I was a bit of a late-era hippie and went to a huge urban high school. I think the graduation was in Madison Square Garden. I truly can’t remember whether I went (no, I wasn’t on drugs).</p>
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This. I’ve been lucky that my anti-social kid isn’t much of rebel. He skipped out on parties, proms etc. but did go to the ceremonies. Like others have said, I’d ask the kid to do the awards and graduation as a favor to you and out of respect for the community. The rest he can skip.</p>
<p>I was early 70s. Agree that the hair and clothes in my old yearbooks look hilarious now. Don’t agree that today’s styles won’t look equally silly to our kids, a few decades hence.</p>
<p>I agree…
FWIW, many of these events can be fun…IF you are doing them because you want to and with friends…
and
are plain torture to those who are not at all interested and not attending with friends.</p>
<p>Of all of it–
having a year book, and attending the ceremony are the two biggies…</p>
<p>the award ceremony if your student may be getting awards…(and if you KNOW your student is getting an award and your student doesn’t, maybe thats one to ask your student to go with you…)</p>
<p>the party, not so much, If its not with friends…otherwise it just reinforces negative feelings etc…</p>
<p>Interestingly a big reunion is coming up for my hs class…
and the group thats all excited are the prom cmte/cheerleader/student council group.
A lot of the class isn’t planning on attending…
Some have ignore the reunion cmte attempts to be in contact…and have said that hs was far too painful to ever go back…</p>
<p>I recently looked at my hs yearbook and have no clue who most of the people in my class are/were…and have no memory of them…and my class was 300.</p>
<p>I too have a son opting out of attending graduation - totally fine with it. I would insist on him attending an awards ceremony if he were to receive awards but leave the rest up to him.</p>