<p>I only skimmed the other comments, so I hope I'm not being repetitive.</p>
<p>Being sent to my room was never intended to be a punishment. Its purpose is to end conflict before it escalates.</p>
<p>Every kid is different. I don't need my parents to monitor and police my behavior to keep me in line. I'm fully aware of the consequences of my actions and I'm fully aware of what my parents want me to do. Then I take it from there because it's my life.</p>
<p>On the other hand, my parents' approach is not one I'd suggest to everyone because I have more than ample opportunity to break rules and make bad decisions. Just because I don't doesn't mean that no kid will.</p>
<p>From my perspective, living on the EU fringe, the kids have alot of freedom here. They go out for the evening at 10 p.m. at the earliest and come home whenever. There is really no liquor age limit and although you aren't supposed to drive before 18, I have heard tales that the keys get parceled out to the kids by their folks before then. And cabs aren't that expensive and walking downtown is a short distance anyway. All in all, not many drugs or alcohol problems at least not yet. Lots of disposable cash....my son thinks kids in the U.S. have a stricter lifestyle. As far as living with Mom and Dad....it's the norm here....unless, you are married. Then Mom and Dad buy you a house if you are a girl and take care of your kids. Free babysitting. It is a village mentality. And if you are a member of the village, it is kind of nice as long as you don't mind going along with what everyone else thinks you should do.</p>
<p>There are economic forces behind these so-called 'family' choices. </p>
<p>American children can afford to leave home when they are 18. There are still great economic opportunities for American children. Likewise, American business culture takes a dim view of 'momma's' boys and girls. Those children are less likely to have the independence needed for American capitalistist society. </p>
<p>Many older children living at home allow their mother to do their cooking, cleaning and laundry. Older American teenagers, as a rule, are not allowed to treat their mothers as housekeepers. We might have more children refusing to leave home, but not in the numbers of other countries.</p>
<p>Likewise, American families have moved away from corporal punishment, especially in the educated classes. We do not whip or hit our children. We do not pour chili powder or mustard powder down their throats when they use bad language. We try methods of reasoning and failing that, the withdrawal of privileges, including the privilege of occupation. </p>
<p>As the great melting pot society, America has seen millions of immigrant families move onto it's shores. Invariably, immigrants adopt most aspects of American culture by the second generation. </p>
<p>On the subject of nursing homes, let's just say that I've yet to see a well person placed in a home. In the two instances in my huge extended family, the relative has lost ALL ability to care for themselves and needs highly specialized medical care--feeding tubes etc--to survive.</p>
<p>yeah, I guess what ever works. As for eco forces and being 18, well, let's just say that not ALL American kids can leave at 18. Let me just note the fact that 40 million people in U.S do not have health insurance...wonder why? no money? but anyways, not ALL American kids can do that. Not that you said that, but I am just saying.
"As far as living with Mom and Dad....it's the norm here....unless, you are married."---overseas
this is something I am very much used to, that is why I get kinda jumpy when I hear "mommas" boy. So what? if you love your momma, then g-d damn, you love your momma. Nothing wrong w/that. But then again, it's a cultural thing. What ever works.</p>
<p>I've never been really punished for "bad behavior".
Maybe it's a sense of self-preservation or something that keeps you from doing "bad" things. But really, most rules that I hear parents laying down are just plain silly, arbitrary, and unnecessary. My parents briefly tried having "rules"--no video games on weekdays, etc. It just made me resent them and become frustrated with their ridiculous claim that not having any fun on weekdays will lead to better grades. In the end, I just did whatever the hell I wanted to do, and got -better- grades than I did under their system. I KNEW that my own future depended on my grades, and so I learned to regulate myself and take care of my own time schedule.</p>
<p>Things are nice. They trust me to take care of my obligations, I trust them to not be on my back. </p>
<p>Unless a kid is just self-destructive, I think they should be allowed all the freedom they want. As long as you constantly remind them (if they're forgetful) of what they need to accomplish, (IE, you need to get into college) the kid will take care of the rest.</p>
<p>But I guess sometimes the kids -don't- take care of the rest. Maybe they need preventive measures and to be babysat and ordered to do things. Maybe the parents don't want the kid to learn from mistakes... by not letting them make any mistakes in the first place. After all, a mistake could be dangerous.
In general, however, I think American parents are TOO "preventive" and let their kids be far too sheltered from the dangers of the outside world. If the kid is educated about those dangers, he/she will probably better know how and why they can protect THEMSELVES. Mostly I think parents spend too much time laying out unexplained stupid rules, keeping material away from kids, hiding them from real world issues, etc. via things like "Parental Controls" on the internet and TV or not allowing certain books to be read or certain shows to be watched. This whole suffocating environment might cause rebellion and then even more rules. <em>throws hands up in despair</em></p>
<p>If the consequences of their actions are not punishment enough, then no punishment is needed because the rule is unjustified in the first place.</p>