<p>DS (a rising senior) and is signed up for a 5 day program that sounds great. He gets to see different aspects of engineering, live in a nice dorm and get a real feel for college. </p>
<p>He is very intelligent, thinks he wants to "do engineering" but has no real ambition. So far he's not really interested in looking at any colleges.</p>
<p>This program was set up months ago, and he has gone from "I'd probably like it" to "I don't know if I want to go" to "I don't really want to go". </p>
<p>Is it just cold feet? Would you push still going?</p>
<p>Sounds normal. Don’t let him back out. It’s probably the best thing for him now to experience “college life”. My guess is he will come back motivated to look into schools. The answer at our house would be “tough cookies, you signed up, you are going, not get packed” :D.</p>
<p>It can be maddening when kids do this. It could just be social anxiety and fear of the unknown. He might be nervous about having to step into a situation where he doesn’t know anyone–a lot of kids have little experience with this. It could also be the prospect of missing five days of summer with his friends that is causing the ambivalence. I would encourage him to think of it as a good investment of his time–if he hates it, maybe it will lead him to consider a different plan for college.</p>
<p>If you have paid for the program, then your DS should go. This is probably symbolic of change to him, and he is nervous. This is just step one of a long year searching for schools. But he will probably just love it once he gets there. </p>
<p>Kids need to understand that if they make a commitment that they need to follow through.</p>
<p>This is so unimportant with no consequences one way or another, it simply is not worth the effort to bend over it. We left our kids alone to decide on much more important things and we listen to them very carefully. The only time I influenced my D’s decision was when she was choosing her HS. But this process took at least couple of years and my suggestions (or push, if you waant) were so subtle, so careful to make sure that at the end she felt that it was her decision. D. thanked me many many times. All kind of trips, short, long, abroad, expansive, cheap, decision about UG, Med. School, some risky type of travel, all were left for her to decide. The same was true for her older bro.</p>
<p>Many students have struggles with separation/transition/anxiety, and your son may be one of them. But I agree that this is an excellent opportunity for him to get a taste of college life and to see if he might prefer a big/small/urban/rural/near or far from home school, or no 4 year college yet at all (gap year or maybe local cc). Going away for a week is a small commitment, yet it is a commitment he made, and should honor, especially if you have already paid and made the arrangements. Is he prone to anxiety in other situations? How doe he handle it?</p>
<p>Has he been away alone before? Boy Scout camp?</p>
<p>If not, then I agree with jym. This is a fabulous, low-risk, high-reward opportunity for him to spread his wings. And if he gets skeeved out by the community bathrooms, that’s great information; he’ll know to look at schools where he gets a private bath.</p>
<p>I too think it is important for students to see what life at college might be like before senior year. Especially if it is an issue of not wanting to be away from home. I did encourage my kids to do these before senior year to see what they thought of the college experience (I didn’t have to push too hard). Living in a dorm, meals in the cafeteria, navigating campus, makes it more real for them. Their programs were 5 and 6 weeks long, this one is only 5 days. On the other hand, if he is strongly resistant, I wouldn’t force him.</p>
<p>Perhaps it’s just plain, summertime laziness as the OP mentioned the son’s lack of ambition. It’s probably a little of that AND fear. The program’s only 5 days correct? I’d have him go so they can root out whether he truly has an itch for engineering.</p>
<p>It’s only 5 days - Unless he has some compelling health issue I don’t see how it could be bad. If he doesn’t like it then he has more information for his search and there’s a good chance that it grows on him as he was initially interested.</p>
<p>There is a difference between “doesn’t really want to go” and “REALLY doesn’t want to go.” If he doesn’t go, what else of value would he be doing this summer? Does he have a good reason for not wanting to go, or is it just fear of the unknown or summer inertia?</p>
<p>If he has no good reason for not wanting to go (i.e. a well-thought out alternative), I’d tell him that the camp is paid, the plans are made, and he’ll be fine because five days away at camp never killed anyone.</p>
<p>For what its worth- I have a D who is a rising senior, and a S who is a rising junior. I dragged him along over spring break when D was looking at some schools I thought he would be interested in as well. Fortunately, my S is a very easy-going kid, but he was not too happy that I was making him get out of bed before noon and leave his video games and hoops sessions behind to go look at colleges. Within about five minutes of getting there, he was paying rapt attention. By the time the tour ended (at the book store of course) he was in love, calculating his GPA and weighing his odds of being admitted, and bought out the store’s supply of shorts, tee shirts, and sweatshirts. If you think this is cold feet, and especially if you’ve already paid for it (which I am sure you have) this is something he should do.</p>
<p>I cannot imagine that kid has never been separated from mommy/daddy at 16 - 18 y o. Many are gone abroad for several weeks by this age, were forced to use foreign language and deal with different culture.<br>
Besides every single college is so different. It is strongly advisable to visit UG before choosing one, visit several times, stay overnight, stay with potential sport team and it will be very different experience from place to place which most likely will have absolutely nothing to do with event being discussed on this thread.</p>
<p>And contrary to what <em>some</em> believe, there are many teens who do not have the opportunity to travel away from parents, go to summer camp, overseas educational programs, etc. For many the first time they spend much time away from home, other than at sleepovers, is college. No need to look down one’s nose at those who are still with “mommy/daddy”. Thats really unnecessary.</p>
<p>I agree with most everyone above. Its only 5 days. Nice chance to get him out of his comfort zone plus you never know what his reaction will be once he gets there.</p>
<p>I agree that unless he is ABSOLUTELY begging not to go - send him. It is only 5 days, I can’t imagine anything that could be so horrible that it will scar him…and I can think of MANY things that could turn out great! My ds15 was invited to a 4 day camp on a college campus - normally a very outgoing kid - was pretty apprehensive - we talked him into going - had a GREAT time!</p>