Hey,
I posted something similar to this recently, but it was a bit scatterbrained, so I’m going to try again. Advice and/or personal experience is appreciated.
I want to leave college. I’ve spent two years at one institution and my anxiety/depression was heightened. All I did was work, and I’m not sure if the amount of time I devote to my studies is related to my disability (I have CP), but at any rate, I was miserable. I had to quit/stop devoting my time to organizations because I simply could not handle more than my work (minimum amount of credits, by the way).
Now, I’m going to a new school out of state. My mental state is the worst it’s ever been. I feel depressed, unmotivated, and anxious all of the time. I can’t believe that this is something I once wanted. I want to just leave school, find a job (I’ve never worked, my number one focus was always school), and focus on my mental health. I’m concerned about what my family will think, as I’m “so smart,” but I have never been so unhappy. A leave of absence would probably be the usual course of action here, but if I leave, I may never come back. And I’m okay with that.
I’m sorry you are struggling with depression and anxiety right now. I see that you are asking for advice/personal experience so I thought I’d share mine: at one point in graduate school I decided I just wanted a normal job and didn’t want to keep going with my degree. Even though my advisor told me to take a leave of absence, I assured my advisor that I knew what I wanted and it didn’t involve graduate school in the future. I struggled to get a decent job (and had some really awful experiences before I landed a reasonable job). Once I worked for a few months, I realized that without the graduate degree I walked away from I would always be stuck in a lower level position (taking orders from people who I knew I was better trained than, but had the required credentials). Less than a year later, I contacted my advisor to ask if there was any way I could reenter the program (that was a really hard phone call to make!). Happily for me, my advisor had filled out the leave of absence paperwork for me, so I was able to return (and get my degree and a job that I LOVE).
Moral of the story: you may think you are SURE you would never want to return to school or that you would be happy with any job with good benefits or that you wouldn’t regret not finishing your degree, but keeping the door open by taking a medical withdrawal/leave of absence is a good idea. Particularly when you’re dealing with depression and anxiety, remember that the way you are thinking and feeling now will likely change dramatically once you enter therapy.
@WildLupine So, do you recommend taking a leave of absence? Thank you for your input. My parents are in the process of finding a counselor for me…I think. I’m trying to force myself to be excited about this new experience, but I’m not, at all.
WildLupine gave you good advice. A documented leave of absence would give you the chance to get your anxiety under control. Remember your anxiety/depression is clouding your perspective. Once your anxiety/depression is under control your whole outlook will be different and you will be able to make a better decision about what you really want.
I am not surprise that you are not excited about your therapy. It is hard work and often not pleasant. What you should be hopeful about is that your parent are supporting you and trying to get you the help you need.
Make sure your parents are getting you a therapist. If they are not, then you take control of that and YOU get you a therapist. You have no idea how you’ll feel about all this once your health issues are under control, as many of the things you wrote here can be symptoms of the very health issues you mention.
So I would suggest that you take a leave of absence from your school. You can either go back later on, once your health is under control; or you can transfer to a new school that’s closer to home; or you can go to school part time while working; or you can not go to school at all. But this LOA leaves this option of returning open to you, for you to consider once your health issues are being dealt with. And it does not commit you to returning to this school at all. So no loss to file for the LOA.
I don’t know why you’d be excited to see a therapist. It’s normal that you wouldn’t be. It’s a needed step so that you can get well, but it’s not something someone would be excited about, so don’t feel a need to force it. It’s a necessary first step.
There are a lot of posts similar to this on CC. Depression is very common in general, and might be even more common among college and high school students in the US (which I personally think is a reflection on our education system). The good news is that the medical profession has gotten a lot better in recent years in dealing with depression. However, this can take time. Whether you can get your depression effectively treated by September is unknown and frankly not likely.
My personal suggestion is that you should take a year off and focus on getting your mental health treated effectively. I have seem multiple cases of students who at one point were not ready for school at any level, and a few months later (or at least less than a year later) were doing super well with mostly (or entirely) A’s and smiles on their faces. However, you have to “put the horse before the cart”, which IMHO in this case means get your mental health treated effectively before continuing your education.
First you need to address any mental health issues you have. They won’t go away because you are working.
Have you been evaluated by a psychiatrist for anxiety/depression medications?
Would you be able to do better in college if you had more support? Would staying at home and taking minimum credits work?
What makes you anxious about school and how would that be differnt at work?
What kind of jobs could you get?
I would talk to a psychologist, or someone who can help you with CP and college issues…there are many support systems on line https://cerebralpalsyguidance.com/cerebral-palsy/living/college/ …maybe you need to stop thinking “I can’t be a regular college student” but "I can be a CP college student with support)
Don’t make permanent decisions before you know the ramifications…a leave of absence may be a good way to go as it leaves you options.
Allow me to clarify, I’m not excited about therapy (albeit hopeful), but I meant that I wasn’t excited about attending my new school far from home. I was, at one point. At any rate, thank you all so much for your suggestions. I will keep this in mind when I have my first counseling appointment next week; my mother just confirmed it with me.
@bopper I do plan on addressing them first, of course. School has always bred these issues for me, I’m not sure why, I suppose that’s something to figure out with the counselor. College just amplified them. I’ve already been taking the minimum amount, and I came home on weekends at my former school. I thought breaking away would be good for me, but in retrospect, it may not be the best idea with my mental health like this. As for jobs, I would be willing to do anything as long as I am given reasonable accomodation when it comes to physical labor. I was thinking some sort of sales associate in retail. I appreciate your help very much.
@jennajay Yes, I think taking a leave of absence for at least a semester will give you a chance to focus on your mental health. I have encountered struggling students who are trying to stay in school while dealing with serious issues–they often end up with terrible grades that do not reflect their true academic ability or they have to scramble to get late withdrawals. If you end up needing medication, it may take a while to figure out what works for you (in addition to therapy). Knowing that you have a little more time to get things under control may relieve some of your stress and allow you to enter school in the spring or the following year with strong coping skills to help you as you complete your degree.