This was our first time applying to independent schools and I definitely learned a lot through the process itself and since I joined this forum. Hopefully we will get good news on March 10th and I will be able to apply what I learned to the next round when my current 6th grader applies in 2 years.
So, what do you think your biggest lessons learned were and what would you do differently next time if you have younger children and will be going through this again (or if you already have)?
Some things I will do differently next time:
Give recommendations to the public school teachers later in the fall. I thought I was being proactive getting them to them in September, but I’m worried they submitted them before they really spent enough time with my child.
I think we were too conservative about listing activities and accomplishments on the SAO app. Next time I will encourage my child to include more. This time we sent emails with additional information to the schools.
I am happy that we submitted all materials early, before the holidays, to eliminate last minute stress on January 15. I’m hoping the schools also see this as a positive sign of interest!
I feel like I need to get the results before I know what I’ve learned. LOL
Some things:
We were late to the decision to apply but we scheduled interviews early. It was nice to be at schools without a million other applicants. The schools we went to midseason seemed like huge kid factories in comparison. If possible get one of the first interview spots.
If your child is an athlete, coaches will expect game footage. This is what I mean when I say we were late to the game. Many other parents had been recording 7th grade games for coaches and we had nooooo idea. It doesn’t matter in every sport but in some it does, especially if your child wants the support of more than one sport/coach. It’s hard to play two sports at an elite level so while one sport knew right away they wanted her and didn’t need film, the secondary sport wanted film.
Maybe not stress as much? But that will be determined M10.
I think I might disagree about listing activities and accomplishments - I think listing every little thing can be overkill. (Obviously I don’t know exactly what you mean @busymommyof4, you might have left off major ECs and awards.) What I am thinking about though is one of my kid’s friends who proudly told me how she had listed all the soccer teams she played on and really played up that she was captain, etc. The problem is all the teams are terrible teams so it shows she likes soccer but it doesn’t give a school or coach any information about how good she is or how truly dedicated she is to working on her game. If you have 10 ECs it is impossible that you are truly dedicated to any. So I think it is important to have a few things you do at a very high level or are deeply committed to, rather than list a lot of stuff. I also think it is important not to “just” be smart. Schools really are looking for kids who are going to bring something tangible to school.
Maintain a good relationship with the AO and other people at the school. We have been attending events on campus and have had a great time just chatting with people. This has really helped up differentiate among schools. I am not on board with the “kid should be the one doing ALL the contacting.” I think parent contact is reasonable. They want to know what kind of package they are getting and parents are part of that package. (LOL but again we will see on M10!)
Oh, also! My child’s perception of which one her favorite school is has changed during this process, partly because of the way she has been welcomed by some and slightly ignored by others.
I read some similar comments on an old thread, maybe posted by @Golfgr8 that some coaches kind of blew off her kid and so they just let it be and now the kid is on a team that beat that coach’s team. I think this falls under the category of “love the school that loves you.” You cannot force people to pay attention to you and their lack of attention does say something. Who knows if you interpret that “something” correctly…but when making these decisions every little bit of info matters.
@dogsmama1997 - we were using the SAO app and when we first filled out the profile we only included current activities because it asked for a weekly estimate of time. We didn’t list previous experience (musical, etc) and activities like summer camp, etc that aren’t weekly activities. Hopefully that makes more sense! The SAO app format is not great in that area.
Two years ago when CTKid#1 applied, I believe the first two SAO essays were to list in-school and out of school activities, so it was a lot easier to list things from earlier in middle school or that didn’t fall nearly into the current SAO format.
One thing we learned the first time around that we applied this year with CTKid#2 was to not apply where the kid doesn’t want to go. It’s less applicable to BSs with the SAO/Gateway apps and generally the same timing, but Kid#1 put effort into applying to a local parochial school with an earlier process, which led to a lot of time wasted and some ambivalence when he was accepted (before BA apps were even due). With Kid#2 (different kid/different circumstances), we eliminated schools pretty easily, and we didn’t push him to go through the time and angst of applying to schools in which he wasn’t interested.
Also: Don’t stress over the parent statement. I banged them out so fast this second time and even told DH, “Don’t worry about it — just take a quick look and let’s get it in” — I hardly recognize myself!
Of course, once you have a kid in BS you will be a much savvier customer the next time around. I found myself listening to the tour guides in particular much more critically and focusing on very different things.
The lesson I learned after finding CC about a month after revisit days, was that almost none of what others worried about and post about here ever hit our radar screen, and things still worked out fine with none of the angst.
Things that didn’t dawn on us:
The SSAT could be taken more than once or prepped for
There was any significance to applying either FA or FP
There were such things as hooks (never heard that term)
That the number or type of ECs were anything to even think about (he had two, he's a kid)
That visiting or touring schools was necessary or that schools had cultures that might differ
That anyone would give more than a passing thought about what to wear to an interview/tour besides nice, clean clothes
That anyone would care whether an interview was conducted at the school or by Skype or locally by an alum
That the parent statement was anything other than a tool to weed out nut jobs/PITA/helicopter-types
That these schools were all that hard to get in to
That there were any tea leaves to read during ANY part of this process (there aren't)
We:
Paid for/scheduled one SSAT
Paid application fees
Attended a local TSAO event where our son interviewed with two schools
Coordinated a visit to one school (NMH) so our son could see what one looked like and interview there
Completed FA documents
Wrote a few, short sentences in the parent section of the app
Never asked questions or contacted anyone at any BS for anything, I mean, we had the catalogs and websites, right?
Our son (who never found CC):
Took the SSAT
Requested LORs and transcripts
Scheduled a local interview with a Choate alum (and wore nice, clean clothes to it)
Wrote essays (we never saw them)
Kept track of all the dates/deadlines/moving parts
Completed and eventually submitted the application
Once he hit submit, h/we went back to our regularly scheduled program. We DID get anxious with him a few days before M10, and I’ve posted about NMH and Choate contacting us prior to M10 about being FP as they couldn’t offer FA, so we had a lot of excitement in that short space.
I’m posting this so anyone lurking here and freaking out about how complicated this process is or how unarmed they might be for the fight can know that it is only as complicated and anxiety-ridden as you want it to be. There are a lot of fine people, good stories, and good advice here, but applying to boarding schools is simply about your child putting together the best application he/she can and letting the chips fall where they may. That’s all anyone can do. There is zero to stress over as getting into or not getting into a boarding school is a first world problem that doesn’t amount to a very big hill of beans in the scheme of things.
Lessons learned as a parent? OK - DH has a way of relating The Godfather to every life situation. Including the BS application process! Here is what DH told me last year as we let GolfKiddo take the lead in the process. We pretty much stood back for reasons mentioned by the above post. DH gave me advice that included the following:
Don’t be like Sonny. He is a “hot head” and impatient. You can’t rush things and don’t get overly involved or you will mess it up.
Don’t be like Fredo - he is immature, needy, desperate and weak.
Be like Michael - he is objective, sees the big picture, doesn’t get emotional, keep cards close to your chest. [-(
We started the whole process pretty late…it went fast and is really just a blur now. Lesson learned - there are downside mistakes that can be made, but honestly, most of them are common sense. However, there is very little upside that parents/kids can control with regard to improving their outcomes on M10. The schools have many different needs and you just have to see if you fill more and/or better than the other applicants that year.
@Golfgr8, I’m trying to envision DH having any advice (or really any independent input) on this process. Just TODAY he asked me what a “graded essay” is that DS has to submit.
Lessons learned: That people know so much before they apply. That there are actually BS families (who knew). That people think their kids are better/more impressive than they are. But also, that there are A LOT of talented kids out there. That sports is so important to acceptance. That legacy is so important to acceptance. That being a URM is so important to acceptance. That full pay is so important. That doings some unusual thing well in 8th grade can matter.
That every BS is a business and it’s run like a business. That schools could be so different. That schools could be so alike. That academics count for a whole lot less than the total package.
During the twins admission process, I prayed every step of the way. They were accepted to boarding school . Guess what? I still pray that everything will be fine with grades and their well being while away.
March is up the street. Light a scented candle under supervision and it may calm the waiting jitters.
A friend who was a HOS at one of the girls schools told me at the outset “Unlike colleges, which assume that if you’re applying, you know it’s a good place for you, BS are pretty invested in taking kids who they know will thrive there, so trust in the system.”
DS is done with BS, and as I remind everyone every year before M10, it was much clearer by the end of BS that this was true.
We were a “submit the app and that’s it” family. Just followed the instructions, did the visits and interviews, let kid we write essays, and that was it. I do recommend good organization on this, and in our case, realizing that our LPS was not going to be particularly helpful in the process (even when they thought they were - only one other kid chose to leave the public system ).
DS ended up in a perfect place for him and I really love the person he became there.
