Lessons learned: As a parent of a senior

<p>texaspg-- check your list of schools, either on their own web pages or on Naviance or Collegeboard websites. “EA”–Early Action-- is never restrictive-- only “SCEA” (single choice early action) and “ED”.</p>

<p>I believe there are 4 EAs in top 20. I was trying to figure out which other ones are popular.</p>

<p>I did not find this website till after we had done all the tours and applied everywhere she wanted. I would not change that at all. You guys would have scared the life out of me. My D1 is an average student, a 3.47 GPA, low ACT scores. However, she got in and was accepted to all of her choices. I would have been so worried with all the brilliant people on here that she was not going to get into any college. She did not go for Ivy League but she is very, very happy with her choice.</p>

<p>The only insisting I done was to pressure my D. to put her text books down, stop re-writing her papers, put everything into back pack and forget about it. She grew up to be a person with very wide range of interests that she successfully pursued in college, making friends in every area of her interests.</p>

<p>A lot of great ideas here. One I would add…</p>

<p>Block out the background noise. Everyone and their mother will have an opinion of where your student ‘should go’ especially if they have a specific strength, interest, major, etc. You have to help your student block all that out to hear his own voice and make his own decision. S2’s gut was leading him somewhere that wasn’t the ‘obvious choice’ and had a very difficult time with all the outside opinions.</p>

<p>Also, perfect the ‘smile and nod’…</p>

<p>Accept your kids for who they are. There is no way I could ever have made my kids write essays in the summer. I did strongly encourage finding EA schools which meant that the substantial essay writing, securing teacher recommendations etc all relatively early in the school year. Both my kids were still filling out applications during Christmas break, but my younger son wrote one of his best essays then. Some kids work better under the pressure of the deadline and there is no way for a parent to artificially create one.</p>

<p>For the rest - the usual. Get the testing done junior year with fall of senior year to make up any scores you don’t like. Take advantage of winter and spring breaks junior year to visit as wide a variety of colleges as you can stand. Find a safety your child really likes. Understand the financial aid process if you need it. Try to keep nagging to a minimum. </p>

<p>I ended up really enjoying the process with kid number two. I saw him blossom, he really grew to understand himself and what he was looking for in the process. We had some great discussions on the road. I saw that his emotional intelligence about the whole process would serve him in good stead in life and make up for his less than perfect grades. Starting with a completely unexpected acceptance at an EA school the whole process really was surprisingly enjoyable. He didn’t get in everywhere, by any means, but he ended up thrilled with his choices, not disappointed like so many students I see on CC.</p>

<p>Starting college visits early was something we did right. BUT I’d advise making sure your student is ready to start looking. I think the first two visits we did with our first child were a waste, since he wasn’t in the college mindset at the time. So, if you’re not sure whether your child is prepared to be engaged in the process himself just yet, visit first a couple of schools that are lower on your list of prospects. It’s a good idea anyway not to visit the most appealing and reachiest schools first or every where else will look terrible by comparison.</p>

<p>Neither of my older kids put any time into studying for SAT II’s. It might have helped admissions results for one of them, but with AP’s to study for too in the spring, there wasn’t enough time. I would probably recommend at least beginning to study for the Math one over the summer.</p>

<p>We did a good job finding academic safeties that could be loved, but not financial safeties. Maybe they’re harder to find and we probably should have looked beyond the state schools where we knew they could go for free with merit scholarships. Neither kid loved their financial safety schools and would have been miserable had they been forced to attend them.</p>

<p>This really didn’t relate to my kids so much as to other kids we know. If you have a child who knows they’re “all that,” and you agree they’re “all that” but you’re wise enough to realize that college applications aren’t structured in such a way as to reveal to admissions officers that fact of your child’s excellence, make that child look at an application at the very beginning of high school. Many smart kids are shocked when it dawns on them that they have no material proof of their inner brilliance. For example, my friend’s son spent hours upon hours composing music, but had no evidence of that hard work–no garage band performances, no contests won, etc.</p>

<p>mathmom - where did the younger one decide to go?</p>

<p>Well, my suggestion is to remember who your child is, and help them within those constraints. I have a very bright procrastinator. So I allowed him to choose his classes, EC’s and testing dates with suggestions from me. When I gave a suggestion, I gave a reason for it. I also had to be the one to remind him of deadlines, which he thanked me for and asked me to continue to do. It all helped him (while driving me quietly crazy when he pushed almost every deadline to the last moment).</p>

<p>My other suggestion is getting an email address to use only for college/scholarhip information. It makes it much easier to keep up with all the emails and information.</p>

<p>I found out about CC after my son got the application to attend TASP, and I was doing google searches on the program. I quickly realized that 1) we were way out of out league in terms of strategy and 2) we were gearing up a little late. I subsequently spent about a billion hours on here learning everything I could, and in retrospect it worked out well for him. (He got into four of the top 10 national universities, and six of the top 10 LACs.)</p>

<p>Getting standardized testing underway early is a good step. SAT IIs should be taken in May/June, right after the AP class covering the same material. That may mean that some SATIIs are taken as early as June after sophomore year. SAT I should be taken in the fall of jr year, right after the PSAT so that the study effort pays double duty. I was so glad that we did not also have testing pressure on top of applications during the fall of the senior year. Taking practice tests is the sine qua non.</p>

<p>I make no apologies about having been hugely involved in the process. He applied to a bunch of schools, and I don’t know many/any 17 year olds who could handle the organizational tasks of getting all the applications, their scholarship apps, and the financial aid information all correctly submitted. In the end, the monster merit scholarship he was awarded was one that the school’s website indicated was not even available to him.</p>

<p>One thing I think we did right was not apply for a bunch of local scholarships. The ratio of likely payback to effort was just too skinny. Given the schools’ demands for essays, he still had to write over 50 (including some very short answer ones.) We were pretty much on the verge of killing one another in Oct-Dec. as it was. In fact, he is still writing essays for various summer opportunities.</p>

<p>Choose a theme, or personality that you are trying to get the application to convey. My son is well rounded and enjoys doing lots of things; we emphasized a comparative religions/international relations/cultural diplomacy theme that integrated his interests and hopefully helped him stand out in the unhooked crowd. Now that schools are taking less than 1 in 5 or 1 in 10 applicants, the well rounded average kid is likely doomed.</p>

<p>Talk about what you can afford early on. My son knew a clear $/yr that we would pay for, and schools that didn’t hit it fell by the wayside without any drama (including both my graduate and undergraduate alma maters.) The anguished threads on here about “I got into my dream school, and can’t afford to go,” or “Is NYU worth $140k debt?” just break my heart.</p>

<p>I wish we had done the dedicated email address tactic–a very good idea.</p>

<p>D would have started essays and applications for scholarships MUCH sooner…probably beginning of summer of senior year. Several for which D would have been competitive had fall deadlines that we missed. :(</p>

<p>

After agonizing for most of the month of April between Chicago (where he’d gotten in EA) and Tufts he decided on Tufts. He’s planning on majoring in International Relations and the Institute for Global Leadership presentation at Accepted Students weekend made the difference. (Thanks to the IGL he had a grant to research nuclear disarmament issues in Pakistan and India over winter break. Tufts has been an amazing place for him.)</p>

<p>Local scholarships in our school mostly went to the nice, good students with strong community service–usually NOT the tippy-top students with lots of advanced classes and stellar EC’s. My guess is that the school folks figured the latter type of student would receive merit aid from colleges and didn’t need their help. My advice is to look at the pattern of local scholarship awards from the previous year and make an informed decision about your child’s chances within your particular school culture. My S did OK but not great with local scholarships, but my D, who was an athlete, did not do well at all. People probably assumed she was receiving athletic money, which she wasn’t. For her, writing all those essays was definitely not worth the effort!</p>

<p>First, I wish I had found this site one year ago. So many helpful people and a vast resource of info…</p>

<p>Second, we had no idea that our combined income makes us look like we are millionaires when it came to any FA. The fasfa process was a waste of time, the only ‘awards’ my son received was 2 high interest rate loans. I could have done better at any local bank. We are very lucky to have a large amount of equity in our home, but years of extra payments and converting to a 15 yr loan a decade ago has put us in that position. All of the hours my son and wife spent applying for scholarships did not result in anything either. </p>

<p>Also, we should have waited to visit any schools until we had an offer. I thought my son’s stats would be good enough (1910 sat with 3.4 gpa) to get into more schools than he received offers for. But being an engineering major put him much lower in the selection process as compared to other engineering applicants. I even called the admission office of SDSU to ask why my son did not get an offer and was told that he more than met all of the admission requirements, but there were a large number of local applicants that they had to offer admissions to first and that left a smaller number of spots left for others. We are new to the process as my son is the first in our family to attend a 4 year school.</p>

<p>In regard to FA, make sure to follow everything that is strongly recommended by kid’s college. D’s UG strongly advised to file FASFA to get full range of MERIT scholarships. We filed it religiosly for all 4 years with great results, full tuition coverage by MERIT awards. We are much further from need base than most families, not only because of two incomes, but also because of no other dependents, absence of debt (including mortgage). So, we did not qualify for need based by a lot. But since college advised to file FASFA for Merit awards, we did. Also, search or make your kid search for Returning students Merit scholarships. There are more Merit scholarships available after first year of college for top kids with very high college GPA. Both of my points might be different from school to school, got to research your college and pay attention to their advice.</p>

<p>Thank you MiamiDAP for posting this. I am in a similar situation. Our EFC is quite high (45-50K) so I wasn’t sure if I should bother filing FASFA. My D has very good stats, therefore we are expecting some merit aid. It looks like I should check with each college, but it looks like generally speaking I should prepare for it.</p>

<p>MDad - check early because some of S’s schools wanted profile filed in the Oct./Nov timeframe for merit scholarships that had early deadlines. There were some scholarships that schools offered only to those applying early.</p>

<p>Our EFC is 37K and our S1 did not get anything except loans. He ranks 6.4% of his class in a very competitive HS and will be attending state flagship but did not receive any scholarship offer. S2 will be a HS 2015 graduate. What can we do to reduce the EFC or should we just not bother with the FAFSA next year? I feel I spent a lot of time to fill out the forms and to make effort to have tax return done early all for nothing.</p>

<p>sunny - I suggest looking at schools where your S2 is in the upper 25% of applicants. We deliberately looked for schools where S was in that upper 25% or upper middle 50%. We also applied to schools that others in S school were not and avoided the ones everyone applied to. not sure it helped but S did get nice scholarships from about 1/2 the schools he was accepted to. S applied only to schools he was interested and would be happy attending. There are so many schools out there you are bound to find some less know schools that have good programs in your S’s desired major. At this point in time last year, there were over 50 possibilities on S’s list.</p>

<p>This what me and my friends that have been on a mailing list (from misc.kids on usenet if you remember that!) since they were babies learned:
Applications</p>

<p>1) Try to visit some colleges now (junior year in spring break or so) if possible so that they can get a visual of what college is like and what they are looking for.</p>

<p>2) Don’t apply to any schools that you don’t want to go to.</p>

<p>3) If your kid doesn’t know what they want to major in or seems reluctant to go to college, consider Community College. It will be a more supportive environment for a lower cost. Usually it is no problem to transfer to the State University.</p>

<p>4) Strongly consider applying to a college that has Early Action (not one that you are bound to) so you have at least one acceptance before January 1. It is very nice as you are waiting for the April 15 decision date to know you have an acceptance. </p>

<p>5) Make a rough draft of the application essay over the summer. It is like pulling teeth to get them to do this, but Senior Year is often very busy with advanced classes and it is also very hard to do difficult school work plus the essay plus the early applications. This way when the senior gets back to school they can start having teachers and guidance counselors look over the essay ASAP. Try to convince the kid to use those people as resources so they have the best essay they can do to help get into what ever school they want to. And if your kid won’t start early, make sure they don’t take a killer course load. That can make a difference in the stress level.</p>

<p>6) If your kid really wants to apply to an Ivy league college, then work with them to make sure their essay is spectacular and that they have really focused on what they bring to the university. Try to really focus on an area of extra curriculars that is unique or that you bring a unique spin to, or that you are really good at. I think my daughter did an average essay that didn’t highlight why they needed her. When only 8% of applicants get in, you really need to stand out.</p>

<p>7) PSAT and SAT/ACT scores really do count for a lot and are used to determine scholarships. I think it is worth some sort of formal study program to maximize those scores.</p>

<p>Financial Aid:
8) As early as possible in the process (way before it’s time to actually apply for financial aid!), do a rough Estimated Family Contribution (EFC) calculation on the FAFSA and College Board websites. These are the official websites where you enter all your financial data so that it will be determine how much your family can “afford”. That will give you a ballpark figure of what the colleges will think you can afford to pay. But note that except for the most competitive/Ivy league schools, most colleges do NOT meet 100% of need (not even close!), so in most cases the kid/family will be expected to pay a LOT more than the EFC.</p>

<p>9) Once this is determined, be realistic up front with how much your family is willing pay every year for college. Sit down and talk to your kid about what you will have to spend on their college so they know what they have to work with. I wouldn’t discourage them from applying to expensive schools because they may get financial aid or merit aid, but if it ends up being $30,000 more than you can pay then they know that won’t be in the cards. </p>

<p>10) There are only 2 ways to end up paying LESS than your computed EFC: apply to a school whose total costs are less than your EFC, or get a very generous merit aid offer. For this reason, if you don’t think you can afford your EFC, look for schools where your kid will be near the top of the application pool, and that are known for giving good merit aid. </p>

<p>11) If you get need-based financial aid, keep in mind that the loans the student can get will usually be included in the aid package – those loans are not usually available to go toward meeting your EFC. Also, if your student earns outside scholarships, your need-based financial aid will usually be reduced by the amount of the scholarship, though if you’re lucky they’ll reduce the loans and work-study portion and not any grants.</p>

<p>12) When you look at the financial aid that a college awards, look closely. Sometimes they say early on in the letter that you have $5500 in financial aid, and you find out when you look more closely that it is only a loan.</p>

<p>13) However, if you don’t have very much money at all, don’t let that stop you from applying to more expensive schools if you have a chance of getting in. The financial aid need may be covered.</p>

<p>Deciding:
14) When it comes time to compare schools and make decisions, you can Google “common data set college” to see a whole bunch of info about specific colleges, all displayed in a consistent way. The first match will probably be was a College Confidential website listing with the links for a bunch of colleges; the ones that are missing from that list can be Googled directly instead. There’s admission data, financial aid data, the most important factors considered in students’ applications, class sizes, faculty info, and tons more. </p>

<p>15) Don’t be afraid to contact the school if you have questions or something seems off. For example, my daughter had applied to our State public University. She had gotten partial scholarships at all the other state public universities and since ours is also known for partial scholarships I contacted them. I had read that they award them based on GPA/Class Rank in addition to SAT scores. But my daughter’s GPA is very difficult to compute (2 different non-4.0 scale systems) and she has no class rank (schools are too small). But I sent them an email saying that if lack of information was the reason that we could provide any that they needed. They must have looked at her grades/SAT and the next day awarded her a partial scholarship in line with the other schools.</p>

<p>Useful websites include:
<a href=“http://collegesearch.collegeboard.com%5B/url%5D”>http://collegesearch.collegeboard.com</a> for basic stats, size, admissions percent, mid 50% test scores etc.
<a href="http://www..com%5B/url%5D">www..com</a> for “reviews” of colleges
[Kiplinger</a> - Personal Finance, Business, Investing, Retirement, and Financial Advice](<a href=“http://www.kiplingers.com%5DKiplinger”>http://www.kiplingers.com) for best value colleges
[College</a> Admissions, Search, and Financial Aid Help from College Confidential](<a href=“http://www.collegeconfidential.com%5DCollege”>http://www.collegeconfidential.com) for discussion forums for all things collegiate.
[College</a> Admissions Advice - The Choice Blog - NYTimes.com](<a href=“http://thechoice.blogs.nytimes.com/]College”>http://thechoice.blogs.nytimes.com/) New York Times Blog for “Demystifying College Admissions and Aid”
[FinAid</a> | Financial Aid Applications | Maximizing Your Aid Eligibility](<a href=“Your Guide for College Financial Aid - Finaid”>http://www.finaid.org/fafsa/maximize.phtml) for strategies to maximize financial aid.</p>