<p>BassDad - all I can tell you is that coming home after dropping my oldest son off at school at the start of his second year was much harder than the first year. I don't know why, maybe the excitement of the adventure isn't there like it is when they're first starting out, maybe it's just that you're not prepared for it. All I can say is, at year 1.5 it is still tough to wave good bye.</p>
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Its just that we feel at times like we are on the "B" list, and more and more things are finding their way onto the "A" list.
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<p>jym626: Welcome to our world! Without having the house visitors that you had, we nevertheless remained on the B list. First on the list was friends, then sleep (usually between about 4am and 2pm), and we came in a distant third.</p>
<p>Hi Donemom-
We can wallow in our misery together :( . I was elevated to the "A" list briefly today-- now that g.f. isn't here I get to be the one to bring him soup and cold meds. Lucky me. Oh wait-- we moved up to the "A" list when his wallet felt a little light... I guess we still get to provide the basic sustinence on all fronts....</p>
<p>update:
I actually had dinner with my s. (translation: given that he has the flu and I had a root canal today, I made onion soup for each of us, but at least we slurped side-by-side). Then g.f. called him on his cell. He went into his room and closed the door. Oh well, it was nice while it lasted.</p>
<p>I'm glad I stopped by the board this evening. My son (soph at college on the other side of the country) leaves tomorrow, and I've spent today feeling sad. It seems to be harder than ever. </p>
<p>I felt like we were on his "B" list the whole time. He went out with friends just about every night. He rarely had dinner with us because he already had plans. I am trying to get used to this. On the plus side, I have a new hobby and am looking forward to getting involved in that.</p>
<p>"The time until your next visit will fly by."</p>
<p>Galwaymom, I believe you are psychic. Daughter is unexpectedly coming back home tomorrow for another ten days due to a slight change in plans concerning her Winter Term project. It seems like home is now the best place to start the work. I guess I will be starting another thread in a couple of weeks.</p>
<p>I see from your latest post that you have a daughter who does Irish dance (step-dancing, I presume.) I sing and play whistle, bodhran and harp in an Irish band myself. Best of luck to her.</p>
<p>This is a useful thread from my perspective, as a student (junior). I come home for fairly long breaks between trimesters, but visiting my girlfriend and hanging out with friends definitely cuts into the time I have with my parents over breaks. I do feel this nagging guilt that I should be spending more time with them and I make a big effort to be home for dinner at least half the days of the week. On the upside, all those little family things that sometimes seemed quite boring when I lived at home all the time now seem quite special.</p>
<p>What's helped me feel like I've spent more time with the parents over this break in particular was taking a few car trips. For instance, my grandfather lives in Brooklyn, so taking a drive there from the middle of New Jersey is an opportunity to have some uninterrupted time to chat. (Maybe my family is a little atypical in that car rides are not a nightmare, but I hope not.)</p>
<p>I do sometimes wish that my parents were a little more... direct? When I ask whether they mind my going out, they say "of course not", but I get the feeling that they'd be happier with me being home more. I think putting on a brave face too much can convey the impression that you're completely adjusted to your child's new freedom, which makes it easier for us not to worry about balancing home and the rest of life. Some candor about feelings can be useful, I think.</p>
<p>But it is nice how time apart makes people appreciate each other more. Times that would have passed in silence or boredom or trivial bickering before (when children and parents are around each other for a good bit of each day, year after year) are now much more full of content and meaning, and that's already something to be grateful for.</p>
<p>haha yeh its funny how that works. I was at boarding school for a year and my dad was quite upset as he rarely saw me as it was let alone me moving out of home. Once i was boarding i use to come home every weekend and spend the whole weekend with my family. They actually saw me more than they did when i attended school locally.</p>
<p>We just installed webcams and Skype (<a href="http://www.skype.com)%5B/url%5D">www.skype.com)</a>, a program for making free phone calls over the internet, to chat with our freshman daughter. All of us felt that the holidays ended before we were ready to start our separate lives again, and the webcams helped us to reconnect for a few minutes. It was so good to be able to "see" our daughter back in her dorm room, and she enjoyed the video tour of our house (the webcam is attached to my laptop), minus all of the holiday decorations.</p>
<p>I get skype calls frequently from the heartland!</p>
<p>my son left early this morning. My husband took him to the airport. I was caught a little off-guard when I checked his room to see if he had forgotten anything and sort of welled-up at the sight of the empty bed. I'm still sitting here with a small lump in my throat. It's definitely harder than the drop-off at the beginning of the semester, when I knew I would see him every few weeks for Parents' Weekend, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas. It's a much longer span now until I see him over spring break. And he's busily trying to arrange a summer internship that will not include coming home. It really feels more like he's "gone" now than it did in August.</p>
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When I ask whether they mind my going out, they say "of course not", but I get the feeling that they'd be happier with me being home more
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Ben, I don't think this is your parents putting on a brave face. I think it's just part of the conflicted emotions parents have about their children becoming adults. They probably genuinely do not mind your going out (and might even worry if you didn't go out at all). But they are also happy when you want to be with them.</p>
<p>Ben Golub-
Its so nice to hear that the students can benefit from reading our parental laments. Even if you can't clone yourself and be with everyone as much as you or they want, take a moment to thank your parents for all they do, and tell them you appreciate it, and them. Believe me, that goes a long way.</p>
<p>Agree with you all, saying goodbye absolutely SUCKED! DD and DS did not allow me to go to the airport for drop-off. I have been banned from the pick-ups and drop-offs since Turkey Day, kids say I blubbered so much that everyone in the airport was starring. Normally they don't mind my normal affectionate self but when airport security began inquiring if anything was wrong with "the Mama", they drew the line.</p>
<p>So friends pick up and drop off now.</p>
<p>They don't usually come home for thanksgiving so it was a treat this year. They will not come home for spring break either, they have practice and whatever to keep them busy.</p>
<p>Soooooo, while they where all here at Christmas with friends they brought home they all decided to spend summer here this year, and their friends will join them. Granted I will be the "little old lady in the shoe", but at least they all will be here. They figure they will sign up for some summer school classes at the local state uni for some GE classes, maybe find an internship and spend weekends here and at the beach, outer banks, crystal coast, myrtle beach.</p>
<p>So all in all, I will miss them til June but then they will all be home!! Last summer they all had summer programs and internships elsewhere, so it was a lonely summer. But with the 5 plus 3 friends the house will be hopping!!!</p>
<p>They all told me to start figuring what I'm going to cook for 3 months!! My new hobby, cooking for a small army.</p>
<p>I so do miss them.</p>
<p>Kat</p>
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but when airport security began inquiring if anything was wrong with "the Mama", they drew the line.
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kat-
Too funny! Sounds like the summer wil be lots o' fun, though maybe its a bit like implosion therapy. they'll overload you so you won't mind it a bit when they leave next time.</p>
<p>When my s. brought home 14 friends for a few days after their summer camp counselor job in NC, I made a few meccas to Sams and Costco. Sams had a great package of assorted Oscar Meyer sandwich meats and cheeses. I picked up a few bags of sub rolls, lettuce and tomatoes, put out the condiments,and they helped themselves . They all cracked up because it included ham, and as they'd been working at a Jewish camp all summer, they were "ham-deprived". Large containers of fresh salad and fruit salad also went a long way, with the fresh summer veggies (corn on the cob, etc) steaks, chicken, hot dogs/hamburgers on the grill, large family sized lasagnas, etc. It was fun for a few days. My hat is off to you for handling it for 3 mos!! Keep us posted!!</p>
<p><strong>EDIT</strong>* I have a few cookbooks that have a section on cooking large meals to take to places like homeless shelters. Let me know if you need a few recipes!</p>
<p>Took mine to the airport early this morning. I was okay until he started thanking me for everything, including making it possible for him to be at his dream school, and saying how much he enjoyed being home. Then the waterworks started. The woman checking ID's in the security line asked if he was going back to college. I guess she sees that a lot. </p>
<p>Mine came home last summer and worked his old job, but won't be home for summers anymore. I think knowing that made it hit home that he's really gone.</p>
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I was okay until he started thanking me for everything, including making it possible for him to be at his dream school, and saying how much he enjoyed being home. Then the waterworks started.
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this made me tear up, and I was just reading about it. My son isn't likely to come out and thank us for being at his dream school. But we know that he is at his dream school and that he is having a fabulous experience. That makes it much easier to have him gone.</p>
<p>My freshman D has about one more week before she goes back. It was interesting to note that during break, in our conversations, she referred to her college town as "home" more than once. She wants to get back as soon as she can. Even though this is a bit sobering, we are happy for her that she likes it there so much. My older D had the opposite attitude going back to a school she ended up not liking. She ended up transferring to a school where she commutes. She loves her current school, is happy and is doing well-- but she is not getting the residential experience. I think that I prefer the situation that my younger D is in because of that experience. But, they are not me and I am not them.</p>
<p>We talked about "home" while he was here. He calls this home when he's at school, and school becomes home when he's here. I'm glad he likes school enough to consider it one of his homes. I still talk about the city in which I grew up (and where my sister still lives) as home and I've been gone 30 years. </p>
<p>Texas, my other child probably wouldn't thank me if I saved him from a charging rhinoceros, a speeding train or an asteroid hurtling toward his head. But I 'think' he'd be grateful. It does make it easier knowing they're happy.</p>
<p>I find it hard to say goodbye after the really short breaks, when I often feel we haven't quite made contact.</p>
<p>Not to be more depressing, but with one about to graduate and get a high-pressure job that involves travel, I am aware that college vacations are a real treat for Mom and Dad. After this summer, the older one won't be spending any 3-week breaks sleeping late in his room at home. ;-(</p>